Finding a Way in the Darkest Night
by grayskies29
Summary: This one follows "the Road Home" episode. Its a bit dark and dramatic. Will Neil and Christy find love in each others arms at last?
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: This story was just itching to be written. I took a small break from my other story. This one is a bit more emotional and darker. I will caution you that I do use some rough language in this on, but I don't think its strong enough to use an M rating. I hope you all enjoy it and review it. Don't worry about the other story, its all outlined so I can pick it up right where I left off. This story won't be updated nearly as often. I have to be more inspired to write this one for some reason. It nearly died once, but I couldn't let it go. Thanks to the Muses.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction. I do not own the characters in Christy the novel, tv series or movies. They belong to the Marshall/LeSourd family. I do not seek profit for this story. Its nature is for entertainment only.

Finding a Way in the Darkest Night

The sun glinted off of the tiny diamond in the ring surrounded by a veritable ocean of blue velvet. I wished the blue velvet could swallow me up just like that ring. _Why on earth did David have to propose now? Couldn't he see how confused and upset I was?_ I heard the steady pound of hooves striking the ground in haste. I tore my eyes away from the cold shimmer of the diamond to see Neil astride Charlie. _Why had he followed me? Doesn't he have a wife to go home too?_ I thought sourly. I lowered my gaze waiting for his comments and questions, but none came. I raised my head and leveled my sight to stare Neil directly in his pale eyes. _He loves me too! It's written plain as day in his eyes._ I felt as if a huge hole had opened at my feet. My heart lurched in my chest as if to drop to the bottom of that hole that had no end. I felt nauseated, knowing that either choice I made right now would end in awful pain for many people not just myself. There had to be another way, something less volatile.

I dropped the ring, box and all to the ground and hastily put distance between the two men. "I have class to teach. Excuse me, please!" I tried to put strength in my voice, but it sounded more like a yelp of pain. How could I ever make such a choice? One man, whom I just realized I loved more than anything in the world, was married. The other just wanted me as a pretty thing on his arm. I suppose on some level David did love me, but not in a lasting way, nothing that could stand the test of time. I kept my tear filled eyes on the ground as I walked toward the schoolhouse. The students had gathered on the steps to see what all of the ruckus was.

"Class please return to your seats." I heard my own voice as if it were a thousand miles away. I tried to smile at them so they wouldn't worry about me.

Rob Allen was standing beside me. He must have some idea of what I was going through. Just last fall he had been unwittingly caught up in a love triangle with Bessie Coburn and John Spenser. Bessie had been harboring secret feelings for him and John was his best friend and Bessie's sweetheart. It had a good outcome. I could only hope that I would be so lucky, but that sick feeling churning at the pit of my stomach didn't bode well for my predicament.

"Would ye like if'n I read the class my latest story Teacher?" He was saying now. He sounded far away as well. I nodded my head in agreement. I couldn't teach right now, but it was far too early to dismiss them yet. Rob and Ruby Mae got the class settled. Rob started his story, but I wasn't listening. I wasn't even thinking I was numb not knowing what to do next.

" I told you to leave her alone, you fool! She's mine. You'll disgrace her, make her into a teahouse trollop like Margaret!" It was David, angrier than I had ever heard him before.

"No you're the fool to think that she is an object for you to own! Can't you see she doesn't love you! How many times did you ask her the same question and didn't get an answer? So you'll keep on asking her the same damned question over and over again until you hear what you want. Did you ever think to ask her what she wants? Have you ever _talked_ to her?" Neil's Scottish burr was getting so thick he was barely intelligible. Emotions ran high in his voice.

Rob was doing his best to talk over the shouting, but it wasn't working. I was shaking. I just wanted to get away. I wanted to go far away from here, where no one could find me. But the voices continued and I could not escape.

"Go back to your whore Neil!" David roared. I heard Charlie whinny, frightened and I knew that Neil had dismounted hastily. I flew to the door in time to see Neil land a punch into David's face, returning the one David had given him a few weeks earlier.

I leapt between them shrieking like a banshee, "Stop it! Enough! Just leave each other alone!" I would have said more but I was cut short by a flying fist. David in his anger sought to bury his fist into Neil but caught the corner of my mouth instead. No one said anything. I tasted blood on my lips. I saw Prince still tied nearby. I went to him, untied the reins and blindly mounted him. I kicked him into a gallop and sailed free of my turmoil. Prince ran on and on under my urgings. I had no idea where I was going and didn't care anymore.

The sun was slipping behind the mountains when I finally stopped. Nothing looked familiar. I had never been any farther than English Mountain. I stopped by a stream to let Prince drink. Poor horse! He was heavily lathered with sweat. How I had made it so far without falling off of him was amazing. He was tired, but unhurt from his hard ride. Now what? Where do I go from here? I sank to the ground beneath a tree. I had to find some shelter or find my way back since it was getting dark. I got up and went to the stream. In the water I could see my reflection dimly. My swollen cut lip was clearly visible. The thoughts swirled throughout my head. I pressed my hand s to my temples and the tears began to flow. God really didn't care did he? Why would He let me love a married man if He truly cared? I cried harder. The hurt was so unbearable. Prince nudged me in sympathy.

Suddenly, my own words to Margaret came back to me. I told her to fight for Neil. She kept running from him and her mother. I knew I couldn't run away. It would solve nothing. I could not let my own heartbreak impede me completely, much as I wanted it to do. I had to go back. I was needed. I was the key to so many of these battered relationships. If I left now with no explanation there would be nothing left. Miss Alice needed me. She was in so much turmoil about Margaret. I couldn't abandon my students either. I prayed for courage.

I searched my pockets for a handkerchief to wipe Prince down with so we could go on. I still didn't know where we were, but I would try to find my way back. There probably was a search party looking for me now. I mounted Prince and turned him to head in the direction from which we came.

"Don't worry, we'll take it slow." I patted the horse's shoulder reassuringly. We started back into the darkening woods at a walk.

As the last rays of the autumn sun sifted through the twining limbs, I saw a slight figure ahead of us.

"Hello?" I called out cautiously. The figure turned to face me. It was a wizened old man with a nice silk hat on his head covering a crown of downy white hair. I got a little closer and saw that this old weathered man had incredibly youthful looking green eyes. I had never seen quite that shade of green before.

"Hello, Miss. You seem to be lost." He didn't sound like a typical mountain man. He smiled at me.

"Yes. I'm trying to get back to Cutter Gap. Am I headed in the right direction?" I hoped that he knew the right way and wasn't lost himself.

"Well Miss, I think your horse knows the way. After all he brought you here, not you. You were just along for the ride. He's a creature of God, and He will guide you both home safely. You are on the right path and your heart knows it. Your heart will find a way, even in the darkest night when no light is found and hope seems lost." He smiled at me again. Somehow this stranger knew my reason for being here. He wasn't just talking about the physical me being lost, but the spiritual and emotional me that was losing its footing in my heartbreak. His words were comforting like a quilt and wrapped around my broken heart.

"Thank you sir." I was at a loss for words.

"It's no trouble at all, Miss. Trust and you will get home. Keep faith with you always." With that he tipped his hat and continued on his way.

I gave Prince the bit and he moved ahead at his own pace. I turned to look for the old man, but couldn't see him anymore. It was almost as if he disappeared in thin air. Puzzled, I let Prince lead the way home.

Twilight had turned to night and a bright moon shone down through the screen of falling leaves. Prince had found a path and was following it surely. It was getting very chilly and we both had been out for hours. We had to get back. I wasn't exactly thrilled to go back to the mission house but I had to trust that my heart would know what to do and say.

A few yards ahead of me, out of my sight, a twig snapped. Prince and I were both startled.

"Hello? Who's there?" My voice was trembling with fear. I hoped that I hadn't run into a batch of out of state moonshiners. I would be in trouble then. My breath caught in my throat as the noises moved toward me. A horse and rider trotted into the patch of moonlight in front of me. It was Neil!

"Thank God you're alright!" He swung off of Charlie's back, rushed to me and pulled me out of the saddle into his arms. I was too surprised and frightened to protest.

"I started looking for you shortly after you ran off. I had thought you needed time alone, away from us all. But I couldn't help think that you…" His face was pressed into my hair. I could feel him draw in a shuddering breath. I knew he must be in tears. I let him continue, he need some relief from his tormented soul too. He could do that safely with me.

"I couldn't help thinking that I would find you with your neck broken. I don't think I could live if you had died. I couldn't go through that again. I couldn't lose love again." He was trembling with emotion. I had done to him what Margaret had twice done. I ran away from him.

"I wasn't running from you. I was running away from the situation. I couldn't stand to see you and David fighting over me. You see there wasn't a choice to be made at all. My heart already told me I loved you not David, but you're married so I can't choose you. I can't be with you and I know it hurts but that is the way it has to be for now. You still have a marriage to sort out. I told Margaret that you were worth fighting for. I believe that, but I won't interfere. If she chooses to stay with you, so be it." Resolve filled my voice and I hoped that Neil understood what I was saying.

Neil lifted his head and stepped back from me our arms still encircling each other. His eyes were red and raw. He looked into my eyes. His eyes reflected my own guilt, fear and doubt.

"She's afraid of being alone and so am I. When you came here to Cutter Gap and I got to know you, I felt alive again. Like a tree dormant in winter that almost magically buds leaves in spring, that's what you've done to me. I wasn't alone anymore, not with you here. Someone I could trust, share a candid discussion, someone who believed in me, an equal, a partner. I never had those with Margaret. I knew that when I saw you ride away from the cabin. I couldn't let you ride away and tell David yes, just to spite me. It would be me and Margaret all over again." His hand went up to touch my cut lip. "I'm sorry I fought with David and you got hurt. You are right I need to sort out my marriage and some other issues first."

Tenderly, I stood on tiptoe and pressed a soft kiss on Neil's cheek. "I'm sorry I scared you. Our hearts will find a way through this. You just have to have faith." I turned from him and went back to Prince.

"We shouldn't be seen together. Are there others looking for me?"

"Yes. Jeb and John Spenser, Rob and Bob Allen, Dan Scott, Tom McHone; they are split up looking for you. David sent them, but he wouldn't go looking for you. He's in shock at striking you."

" I don't want to be caught with you again in the moonlight, especially now." I remembered full well the lie that Bessie Coburn had spread and the stir it caused. It could not be repeated. I had to find one of the search parties on my own and Neil had to continue on without me.

"If you travel to the left a bit farther and follow the creek, it's Blackberry Creek, you should come across Rob or Bob. I'll head out to the west and loop around like I had originally planned." Neil turned to Charlie and gave me a reassuring nod and left.

I hated to see him go, but I followed his directions and soon came across Bob Allen. I was silent on the way back to the mission house. I had no idea what would happen next. I couldn't undo what had been done, but if I kept faith like the green-eyed stranger had said perhaps things would turn out right. Right now everything was wrapped in so thick of a fog I couldn't see a way out, only feel it.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Here's another chapter for this story. Before you read though, it does hint at some darker themes again, mainly drugs. I keep the name of the drug unmentioned and reference no descriptions of use. I'm just showing what was a common problem at the time and still is. I do believe that other wholesome tv shows such as Little House on the Prairie and Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman have also touched on this subject. Again if this offends you, don't read this chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Christy the novel, TV series or movies. This is fanfiction and is intended for enterainment only and is not for profit.

Chapter Two

I was physically and mentally numb for days after David's proposal. I kept replaying it in my mind like a moving picture show I had once seen. I moved through my days mechanical, trying hard not to notice my students pitying glances. I felt dreadful, no something worse than dreadful. I couldn't put a name to what I was feeling.

Unfortunately, I wasn't the only one with this horrible destruction of the soul. Miss Alice was deeply hurt by disowning Margaret. She refused to talk of what had happened. David couldn't even bring himself to look at me. Neil, I had no idea where he was, but I knew he was in pain. That left Margaret. She was living at the mission house now. Her disdain nettled me whenever I saw her, which fortunately wasn't very frequent. I frankly did not care if she was in pain. If she was in emotional pain then she had brought it on herself.

One Saturday afternoon, I was dreadfully restless. I could not focus on my schoolwork. I felt confined in my room, where I spent most of my time. I had to do something. Glancing out the window I saw storm clouds building to the west. What did it matter to me if I got caught in the storm? The emotional storm in which I was caught paled in comparison to any storm Nature had to offer. Normally, I would have stayed in and cowered from the storm but I could not. I had to be outside.

I flung myself out the mission door. I left my coat behind since the day was warm and set off in the direction of the lookout that I had shared with Fairlight. I settled on the flat rocks and looked out at the valleys and mountains. My thoughts roamed free here. I thought of how to end this emotional pain that plagued us all. My thoughts came back again and again to Margaret. What could I do to help her? I already had said things to bring her back here in the first place. What was I to do with her now? A thought slipped unbidden into my mind. _Keep faith with you always. Your heart knows the way._ My heart told me I needed to get back to the mission house.

I hurried along the path back to the mission as the storm broke around me; that emotional tension built up over the last few days broke away with it. I began running, feeling light on my feet. The hard, cold rain pounded against my body. I pushed my sodden hair out of my face in time to see Margaret on Prince racing out of the yard. She looked unwell from the quick glimpse I saw of her. She needed help. I ran to David's door and nearly beat it off its hinges until he answered it. One look at me and several days of moroseness fell from his face.

"Christy! You're soaked! What's wrong?"

"It's Margaret," I gasped for breath. "She's left on Prince and she didn't look well. What if her tuberculosis is back? She'll die out in weather like this."

David looked as if he was going to shut the door in my face, but then a moment of compassion must have overtaken him.

"Get Alice and saddle up Goldie for her and Theo for me. We'll have to go get her and bring her back, storm or no storm. Which way did she go?"

"I think she was heading toward the Spencers' or Dr. MacNeill's cabin. But he's not there and I don't think she cares enough the Spencers to visit them during a storm."

"She must be ill then." David pushed past me without another word.

I hurried and went to what David asked me to do. Miss Alice was heartbroken to learn Margaret had run away again, but went out with David to look for her. I paced the parlor waiting for their return. An hour or more had passed before they came back with Margaret in Miss Alice's arms. David helped them both from Goldie. I held the door open for them.

After Margaret was settled on the parlor couch, unconscious, did I dare to ask what had happened. Miss Alice was hesitant at first.

"She was trying to take a powerful medicine from Neil's medical supplies in his laboratory. Her efforts were enough to make her collapse under the strain. I'm not sure why she needs this drug so urgently. We will know more when Neil returns from Atlanta. Until then she will remain under my watch." Miss Alice would say nothing more. Her usually calm and peaceful countenance was conflicted with hurt, anger, and disappointment.

I looked to David, who was very somber.

"What drug was it?" I asked quietly.

"I'm not sure, Alice has the bottle. I don't know what it is used for and Alice wouldn't say. We'll have to wait for Dr. MacNeill to enlighten us." He turned to leave and tend to the horses. I watched him leave, the rain was still pouring down. Margaret's situation was much more dire than I had believed. Perhaps she was not entirely to blame for her problems.

The next day, Neil arrived at the mission house. Margaret was sleeping in her room and we all had gathered in the parlor. Neil was in anguish at the situation. He explained everything to us.

"Margaret left here for Atlanta for treatment and she got that treatment at a second rate clinic. The doctor there prescribed this drug for her coughing to ease her pain and help her sleep. It did work but it is a very dangerous drug and caused her to get addicted to it. That's why she was trying to get money from us. To pay for her habit and to pay off those she was indebted to. I met some of those men, very charming fellows."

"So that's why she came to the El Pano teahouse, to get money off of you and Alice." David ventured glumly.

"It seems so. Her tuberculosis is by no means cured. I'm not sure it ever will be. I don't usually keep this type of drug unless it's in desperate need. In medical school I had seen its effects and decided it had no use here. It is not the wonder drug the pharmaceutical company claimed it to be." Dr. MacNeill turned to Alice. "I want to send her to one of the sanatoria in Asheville for treatment."

My eyes widened. "You don't want to send her there. You can't." The tuberculosis sanatoria in my hometown scared me. To me they seemed like leper colonies, fortresses of illness and suffering. Many people died within their walls and those who didn't, stayed for years sometimes. If Margaret was truly afraid of being alone this was not where she belonged. Dr. MacNeill and Miss Alice were looking at me, puzzled.

"If she is afraid of being alone, then a sanatorium is the loneliest place I can think of. If the idea of the sanatorium is rest, fresh air and good diet she should stay here. With those she knows. Obviously letting her make acquaintances on her own didn't work in Atlanta." I surprised myself at the impassioned plea for Margaret. I should hate her, but my mission was to love even my enemies and I was.

"She can't stay here. She'll infect those who tend to her. May I have a word with you, Miss Huddleston, outside please?" Neil's words were clipped with a harsh tone. I knew he didn't understand my reasoning for Margaret to stay. I rose and followed him to the porch.

"Why do you care what happens to Margaret? You of all people should want her gone and dead. I cannot figure out how that mind of yours works." Neil wasn't exactly mad at me, but irritated that I was ruling in on a decision he felt I had no business making. But I had every right to voice an opinion.

"If God loves everyone, then am I above Him to choose whom to love or hate? I did dislike her for the most part until I realized she needed help, that the situation she was in was not all her fault. Besides, if you send her away now, you and Alice will not heal and if she does die those hurts will stay. Do you really want those injuries to be your only memories of Margaret?" I gazed steadily into Neil's blue-gray eyes. I almost did not believe I had said such impassioned words.

"As a doctor I can't choose who to treat, I am bound by duty to treat all equally, so I do understand your point. I know Margaret and Alice have some issues to resolve, but me, well I think most of my issues are going to work out. I think I might just understand her better now than I did when we were married. I have you to thank for that." His voice softened and his hand was on my shoulder. I would have loved to stay like that for sometime, but I stepped away from him.

"I just can't have you nursing Margaret and getting tuberculosis. But you are right. Why send her to Asheville for fresh air when there is plenty here? Just don't spend so much time with her." He turned to go back into the mission and talk to Alice.

David had slipped quietly onto the porch soon after. I turned to him when I noticed he was standing there. It was time to heal the hurt between us now.

"I am so sorry for hitting you when I wanted to hit Neil. I shouldn't have picked a fight with him. I've just been jealous of him ever since I came here. He has a respect that seems to evade me still. I wanted to be the big man around here. I figured that if I forced myself to work harder I would get everything I wanted. That only works for some things. I felt that you were the one for me and I thought the harder I tried to get you the more willingly you would come to me. I felt that if I claimed you, I would get that respect I craved. I was so wrong." David had a white-knuckled grip on the porch railing.

"It wasn't all your fault. I was confused too and that confusion didn't make things clear to you. I thought I was in love with you. I really only saw clearly a week or so ago what my heart actually felt." I stopped and wasn't sure of how much to tell David.

"How did you know it was Neil and not me you loved?" David asked abruptly and I nearly jumped at his words.

"Fairlight showed me that love is a multi-faceted thing. She just asked me a couple of questions and then I sort of knew. But I guess I knew for sure when I saw Neil's eyes that day you proposed. It doesn't matter now anyway, I can't act on that love. So I suppose I have to take that love and set it free and go on and teach and live." I wasn't sure if David understood. He was silently looking out at the mountains.

"I wish I had someone like Fairlight to talk to." He said finally breaking the silence.

"You could if you opened yourself up. I think that is what we didn't have. You never really talked to me. You know I've been here nearly a year and I know so little about you. I do know you're highly motivated. Someday you will find that girl and you'll know, just like Fairlight said to me."

David didn't say anything as he left but I knew deep down my words had gotten through. He had reasoned through his heartache. I was rather surprised that I was but a token prize in an imagined power struggle. I was thankful that I had Fairlight to help me see what was in my heart or otherwise sometime down the road I was going to have more heartache than I was in now. A marriage to David, while not entirely awful, would have meant a shallow relationship, something that would have eventually strangled and suffocated my life.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note: Here another chapter for this story. Sorry it takes so long to get new chapters for this one. It's more difficult to handle all of the characters and their emotional situations and I am truly finding my way through the dark with this one! But I don't think I can abandon it because it nags at me from the corner of my mind. I'm glad that there are a few who really enjoy this story as much as I do. It is the favorite of my two "children"! Keep reviewing to let me know if you like it or if you have any suggestions for directions to go with this story.

Chapter Three

I rarely saw Neil after Margaret recovered from the effects of the drug that she was on. Margaret's symptoms of tuberculosis were beginning to return. It was painfully to hear her coughing and gasping for breath. I figured it pained Neil as well and that was why he stayed away, except when he checked on Margaret while I was busy at school. I missed him greatly. Why did I have to go and tell Margaret that Neil was worth fighting for? I should have kept my mouth shut. But then again Margaret needed to be here. This was her only chance now to make amends for the devastation she had caused in her life. I sighed. Everything was so complicated and painful. Why did life have to be so difficult?

I longed to talk it over with someone. David and I kept ourselves distant from each other. He did not want to be near me anymore than he had to be. Though he knew full well whom I loved, he could not quite let go that I should marry him. Miss Alice was still upset that she had disowned her daughter when a mother's love was needed most. It would be selfish of me to burden her with my problems. That left Neil or Fairlight, the two people who knew my heart and mind better than myself. Knowing I shouldn't trouble Neil, I sought Fairlight out one afternoon as I helped her with the laundry at the mission house.

"Fairlight, did you ever wonder why life burdens us with so many problems all at once?" I asked my friend as I absently scrubbed a sheet.

"Sometimes. It shore seems like troubles are a heaped up a plenty on yer shoulders and ye mought jest crumble under all that weight. But ye know, sometimes them troubles jest make ye stronger ruther than crumble ye into dust. Thar ain't nuthin' in this world that can drag ye down iff'n ye keep faith and hope held fast in yer heart." Fairlight pronounced those words with a steady, thoughtful courage. She had survived countless problems in her lifetime. If Fairlight had not gone through the grief and hardship of this life, she would not be the person who stood before me hanging the wash on the line. Without those hardships most of the people I admired the most here in Cutter Gap would be different, even me.

I returned to the sheet I was washing, pondering Fairlight's words. "You have to be the smartest woman in the world, Fairlight Spenser."

"No I ain't Christy. But I suppose thar be different kinds a smart out thar. Ye gonna finish washin' that thar sheet or are ye gonna stare it clean?"

After finishing the wash with Fairlight, I went for a walk. Having no particular course in mind I went were my feet led me. When I neared the summit I realized that I had been led to God's Fist. I wasn't quite to the top yet, but as the path wound its way up to the rocky outlook, I saw a familiar figure.

"Neil! What are you doing up here?" I was within reach of him. His head lifted slightly at the sound of my voice, but his clouded eyes still looked at the mountains rising and falling into eternity.

"I was contemplating my life's current dilemmas, Miss Huddleston. What brings you here?" His words were soft and pained. His face never turned towards me.

"I had been thinking about similar things earlier. I went for a walk and my feet led me here." Neil turned to me now, a faint smile on his lips.

"Those feet of yours seem to always lead you to me. Are you sure it's your feet leading you? You always find me when I am having some problem or another."

"Perhaps my heart really knows the way. I haven't seen you lately. Why haven't you stopped and said hello?"

"You know I can't be seen with you. I don't want to destroy your reputation by having even the most mundane conversations with you interpreted as something it's not. I'm married still and I know how minds work around here. Besides something tells me certain people knew our feelings before we did." A gentle breeze ruffled through his gold touched hair.

"So, that is the dilemma you were contemplating?"

"Just one of many. I can't find any logical solution. I came here to curse at God more of less."

"I thought you didn't believe in God, Neil. So why curse at Him if you don't acknowledge him? Wouldn't that be a waste of energy?"

"Only God could cause this much trouble. No man could get himself stuck in such a position if God were imagined. No there has to be a God to punish me so soundly."

"God does not punish you Neil. God loves and does not reprimand you. Why do you think that?"

"Who else has the power to make me so miserable? I had asked Margaret for a divorce that day in El Pano. I thought things were finally finished and she came back. She tried her best to conjure up an old flame between us, but that fire was long since dead. Then she confronted me with my own fear of being alone. It was her fear too. I realized then I still had some feelings for her, no not love, but duty. She going to die and I can't do anything for her but be with her. But I love you more than I thought was possible. I can't love you right now, but I tried as hard as I could and I can't unlove you or undo any feelings I have for you. I am miserable without you and now that you're here, your presence pains me even more." He stopped talking and his breath was rough.

"Neil did you ever think that God was showing you how much you needed Him and not punishing you?"

"No. Why do you think that?"

"Sometimes it helps to know that there is Someone who is there to help us with our problems no matter how big they seem to us. A Friend to help shoulder the burden, to help you find your way out from under those burdens and make you stronger. Neil do you have hope?" I searched his eyes and saw a glimmer.

"Yes. I have hope of a future time." A smile faintly passed across his sensitive mouth.

"If you have hope then you must have faith. Do you?"

"I have faith in myself and you I suppose."

"I have faith in God as well. If you can try to have faith in God then He will lead us through our problems. Keep faith in your heart and it will find way." I repeated the words the stranger had given and the wisdom that Fairlight passed along to me. What they had said to me made perfect sense to my ears. Now their wisdom sounded ridiculous when I repeated them to Neil. I wanted him to have faith and hope more than anything, but my words sounded too sun-shiny and naïve to do Neil any good.

Neil was regarding me skeptically. Even though I knew it was wrong, I felt myself drawn into his arms. I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Christy, how can you believe these things?" I could listen to his voice forever and not get tired of hearing the smooth Scottish accent, so soft and tender in the quiet of the forest.

"If I don't, then I can't go on. It's that simple. A lot of people get crushed by life because they have nowhere to turn."

"Christy, how did you get to be such a wise women at the young age of nineteen?"

"I'm only saying things that others have said to me. And I'm not nineteen anymore, I'm twenty."

"Really? When was your birthday?"

"The day after David proposed and Margaret came back. I almost forgot my own birthday until you mentioned my age. Too much drama to remember, I guess."

"Well, I will remember your next birthday and hope that the next time October 14th comes around it will find us in better circumstances." Neil kissed me softly on the forehead and stepped away from me as if afraid that he could not control his emotions.

"You had better get back before it gets dark. I'll try to do what you said. God could be less dramatic at trying to show some of us our way back to Him."

"Neil, as stubborn as you can be, I don't think it would have worked in a less heart rendering way. God knows how your mind works and knew long ago this was the only way to get your attention."

Neil's laugh was a delight to hear. He would find his way, I was sure of it. I hadn't muddled my words to him too much.

"Can you love a stubborn man like me, Miss Huddleston?" He called out from the path, on his way down the mountain.

"Yes, I think I can, Dr. MacNeill." I stood watching his form disappear from view. Slowly but surely, my heart was finding its way in the darkest moments of its life. Light was beginning to filter in.


	4. Chapter 4

FWDN 4

Chapter 4

Margaret having recovered from her addiction was a miserable person to be around. Miss Alice usually took care of her daughter, but was emotionally drained and had gone for a retreat to seek answers. I was the only one left in the mission at the time. No one knew where David spent his days anymore. Neil would stop by occasionally, but usually at noon or in the early evening. There really wasn't much he could do for Margaret besides keeping track of the death of his wife. I only looked after Margaret for brief moments, to bring her food or clean bed clothes.

Today I had a whole afternoon with her. It was a warm day for late October so Margaret spent most of her time on the second floor balcony. Neil had been by earlier in the morning, but I had not spoken to him. I was in my room grading some essays on autumn. Glancing at the clock, I saw that it was past one. I had forgotten lunch altogether. I wasn't hungry, but Margaret probably was. I went through the balcony door of my room and stared at the pale figure at the far end. The figure was idly writing in a leather-clad journal and did not notice me.

"What are you writing Margaret?" I asked approaching her cautiously.

"None of your business, Pollyanna." Margaret flipped the journal shut with a harsh snap. She was going to be difficult this afternoon. A took a deep breath. No wonder Miss Alice left for a retreat.

"Fine. I just wanted to know if you wanted lunch. I was busy and forgot about it. Would you like something?"

Margaret crossed her arms across her chest defiantly. "I'm not hungry." She had to be lying; she hadn't eaten but a few spoonfuls of oatmeal this morning. Her temperament also suggested that she had no fever. Fever would have made her slightly more agreeable.

"You didn't eat enough this morning. You know Neil wants you to have a good diet so that you might get well."

"Like he cares what I eat. I am not getting better. I am dying, Pollyanna and there's no shining sunlight on it. Besides, when I am gone you and Neil and Mother will have everything you all need. Me, dead and cold in the ground."

"Please don't call me Pollyanna, nothing could be further from the truth right now."

"Yes the little princess can't get her hands on what she wants, so she's gotten a little sulky and teary-eyed." Margaret's hazel eyes were blazing.

"How can you say such nonsense? I don't want you dead." I felt my face start to contort in anger.

"Really? You haven't wished that at all? You're just like Neil and Mother. You don't care at all. I don't know what I was thinking coming back here. All I need was some money and I would have been fine. But no, I had to listen to you and think that there could be something for me with Neil. I've been more sick and miserable now then ever." Margaret was a bit breathless from her tirade. Now I was livid. How could she say that no one cared for her?

"If no one cared about you, I would have let them send you to Asheville, to die alone in a sanitarium. If no one cared, we would have let you run off and did what you pleased. Don't you see that because we care, you are here? If you stop being so mean and selfish for two minutes you could see that! What more do you want from us? Your Mother and Neil have nearly bled themselves dry to help you, save you from yourself. Do you really want to die bitter and alone? What do you want from the rest of your life? Well if its bitterness and pain you can take mine!" Margaret's eyes were wide in astonishment. I spun on my heel to leave, but a quiet voice stopped me.

"I want to be loved for me."

I stared at Margaret, who was crying now. My anger forgotten, I went to her side. I was at a loss. What could I say to her to make her see she had love all along, she just needed to grab it and hold on.

"Why do you think you are unloved?"

"How can anyone love a child conceived in an act of violence?"

"Your mother does. I know she does. She was heartbroken when you left last winter."

"No she doesn't, she replaced me with you and so did Mac." Margaret was sobbing harder now. I was worried her emotional state would end in a horrifying coughing fit. I stumbled around in my mind for something to say. Nothing sounded right. Bending down, I placed my hands on Margaret's shaking shoulders.

"I'm not taking anyone's place. I can't do that; it's impossible. I do know that you are loved for you."

Margaret lifted her now angry eyes to met mine. "My mother never loved me. She ran away from me and left me with my grandparents for several years, to do _mission work_. And Mac only loved me because I was a pretty face." She shook my hands away from her. I stood up and took a step back from her.

So that was the reason why Miss Alice went to Freedom, Kentucky and why she left too. It was because of Margaret. Miss Alice was right. I was holding her into too high regard. She made mistakes, horrible mistakes like anyone does. As for Neil marrying Margaret just because she was pretty, I doubted that entirely. Neil wasn't that shallow, was he?

"Your mother was so happy that you had come back last winter to have a second chance with you. You obviously wanted that too. So why did you leave?"

"I did want that. But I got scared when Mother wanted to go with me. I can't live up to her expectations. So I left and went to Atlanta. I made money for the treatments and borrowed the rest." I winced as Margaret stated this; I did not want to hear the details of how she earned her money. She must have noticed the expression on her face because she laughed.

"Dear, sweet, innocent Pollyanna. Why it's only a fitting occupation for a bastard child like me, don't be shocked."

How could Margaret be so cruel and Miss Alice so caring? They were like night and day. I felt anger rising in me again. I walked briskly way from her. As I was leaving, a thought struck me.

"Maybe you should try to love yourself as you are before you can get it from someone else? And try being grateful for something for a change. That you ended up where you are isn't anybody's fault, so quit blaming everyone else for your troubles, no matter how you were conceived. Just deal with the hand you've been dealt!" I shouted over my shoulder to her as I slammed the door to my room.

Snatching my shawl from the bed, I flung myself down the stairs and out the front door. I nearly ran headlong into Charlie's flank. I looked up to see Neil smiling down at me. He opened his mouth to say something but my look made him clamp it shut again.

"I really want to help your wife, but she's impossible. Too bad she's dying, you two are like peas in a pod and belong together." I spat out angrily and continued striding away. An angry shout made me pause for a second.

"You're right about that, Miss Huddleston! She's flawed like me and not perfect like you!"

I didn't turn back to look at him, because tears stung my eyes. I hadn't meant to say that. I couldn't take back the words now. I stalked on blindly, not knowing where I was going.

A short time later I came across Dan Scott at his cabin site. He was removing the burned out logs from his previous attempt at a cabin. Not wanting to talk to anyone, I turned to go back the way I came.

"Hello, Christy. How are you doing this fine day?"

"What fine day? There's nothing fine about it."

"Why don't you come down here and tell me what's troubling you? You know, I might just cancel next week's working here and go back to Kentucky. I have never seen so many sour dispositions gathered in one spot in all my life."

I sat down on a stump near Dan. I gazed out across the valley beneath us. Dan's cabin would have a lovely view when it was completed next week.

"We weren't always sour and cross, you know."

"I know Christy and I know there are some terrible troubles at the mission. But have faith and God will see you through."

I had heard that phrase so many times and said it myself; I was really beginning to doubt it was true. I wanted to scream. I saw now how it was possible for people to believe in a punishing God or not believe in Him at all. I chose to ignore Dan's statement and tell him what had happened.

"I argued with Margaret. I really want to help her, but I don't know how too. Besides, I doubt it would do any good at all. I think she hates herself at times and other times I think she is just plain selfish. How can she be both at the same time? She is so stubborn. I can't see how she is Miss Alice's daughter. They are nothing alike. I told Dr. MacNeill that it was too bad she was dying because they were a perfect couple and deserved each other. I really didn't mean to say it. I made a real mess of things this afternoon. And I still have to go back and take care of Margaret since Miss Alice is gone and David is God knows where. I suppose Dr. MacNeill isn't on speaking terms with me. What am I going to do?" Miserably, I dropped my head between my hands. I pressed my fingers to my eyes to stem the flow of tears.

"Nearly everyone I met here is stubborn, including myself. Perhaps we should rename this Mule Gap since we're all as stubborn as one." Dan chuckled lightly. I lowered my hands and felt a smile pull at my lips.

"That's better. Now as for being self-loathing and selfish at the same time, I do believe that it is possible. I do remember one person in Freedom who seemed to act in the way Margaret does. Leon pushed away those who wanted to help him, but oddly he also sought attention. He sang the most beautiful songs that he thought up himself. I think he suffered from some sort of melancholy, but I never could find an answer in the medical books." Dan's voice trailed off. I wondered if this could be Margaret's issue.

"Dan, what happened to Leon? Maybe we can help Margaret after all,"

"He killed himself. We later found out from his cousin that Leon's father was a white man. That same man later killed Leon's mother. Leon had seen the whole thing and was running from it ever since."

"So there's no help for Margaret is there?"

"Now I didn't say that at all. What makes you think that Margaret and Leon have the same story?"

"Did you ever hear Miss Alice's story?"

"Only parts of it from my father and mother, but enough to know the Margaret was not conceived in an ideal situation and that Alice left her for a while."

"Margaret is punishing herself for what her father did."

"She really needs to see how much Alice loves her and Margaret needs to see that Alice doesn't fault her and excepts her as she is."

"I understand what you mean. She needs her mother more than she cares to admit. I think that's why she came back; she's still being stubborn though. I guess maybe I need to try harder to be her friend. I would really want a friend to help me through this, if I were her."

"I think your right. You don't have to be her best friend, but you might be the best she can get right now."

"Thank you, Dan. I'll see you next week at the working." I rose to go back to the mission. I was going to try my hardest to be a friend for Margaret. I would try to smooth thing over with Neil sometime. Right now I could only deal with one crisis at a time.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Christy belongs to the Marshall/LeSourd family and anybody else who owns the rights to the tv series and movies. This is fan fiction and is for entertainment and not for profit.

Chapter 5

I approached the mission house cautiously. Charlie was not tethered to the front porch so Neil had left. At least I was not going to be confronting two angry people, just one. Prince was not in the stable paddock, so David had not returned either. The sheer silence of the house meant that Ruby Mae was not back from Bessie's. I went in the kitchen door and rummaged for something for Margaret and I to eat. I really should have started preparing something for dinner so Ruby Mae couldn't, but I needed to talk to Margaret before I lost my courage. I found some apples and sliced them up and drizzled them with honey. There were some leftover biscuits from breakfast and I put them on another plate. I retrieved a pitcher of buttermilk and two glasses as well. Balancing everything precariously, I started up the steps. I went through the balcony doors at the end of the hall, close to where Margaret usually sat. She was writing in the journal again. From experience I knew better then to ask her what she was writing. Sensing me standing just behind her, Margaret put her pen down and looked up at me.

"It's a story about a woman who is stuck. Her former life that she ran from, the one she didn't think she wanted, turns out to be what she wanted after all. Her current life makes it impossible to return to that former life. So what is she to do?" Margaret's voice was a whisper, full longing and wistfulness.

I sat the plates, pitcher and glasses down on a table adjacent to Margaret's lounge. I wasn't sure if that was really what she was writing about or if she was referring to her real life, so I took a neutral approach. "Is there a life that's similar to her former life that she could settle for? I mean, a life that gives her some aspects from her former life, but also acknowledges the changes her current life, the one she wants to escape from, have made on her." Margaret's eyes met mine. In those hazel eyes I saw a spark of hope. The first I had ever seen in them.

"I suppose you could be right; a way that acknowledges both of her lives and how they have changed her, for better or worse. A bold statement of what she is now, but never forgetting what she was as a kind reminder keeping her from making the same mistakes over and over again. So you decided to bring me lunch after all?"

"I'm sorry for getting angry at you and leaving. I could be a little more understanding. I know I would at least want someone to be a friend, if I were in your situation." I pulled a chair up closer to Margaret and picked up an apple slice.

"I think you are right, when you said earlier that I was being selfish and I should be thankful for something. I am thankful that I 'm here. Thanks for not letting Mac or Mother take me to Asheville. I don't think I could have tolerated living in one of those places." Margaret reached out to take one of the biscuits and an apple slice.

"I want to try to be your friend, Margaret."

"I would like that. It's been a while since I had a real friend. I promise I won't call you Pollyanna anymore. So, friend, how does one go about navigating the middle road of a new life?"

"Well, what were some things you liked about each stage in your life?"

"I hade some relationship with Mother and Mac."

"Anything else?"

"No, I hated living here. There's no culture or excitement. I miss the flavor of city life, the bustle and hustle of it."

"I think you are quite wrong about that, Margaret. If only you knew some of the things that happened since I've been here." Margaret's eyes widened.

"Do tell, Christy, do tell."

"When I first got here, I walked the seven miles from El Pano in the rain and mist only to slide down Lonesome Pine Ridge into the Spencer clan and their hounds. Moments later, we were all met by Tom McHone and his oldest son and an unconscious Bob Allen and later, Neil." I went on to describe nearly every memorable event, from Bob Allen's trephine to David's proposal in the schoolyard.

"I guess I had you wrong. Your not anywhere close to being Pollyanna. You're a little to outspoken for that. I had no idea life is so dramatic around here."

"I hope it isn't just me that brought it here."

"No, I don't think so. I was just determined to hate it here, so I never noticed. I suppose if I had paid more attention to Mac when he was telling me about the nature of his calls, I would have perhaps seen life more bearable here." Margaret sighed, and reached for another apple slice.

"What did you like about your life after you first left Cutter Gap?"

"Freedom, I suppose." Margaret was silent for a few moments before she spoke again. "Come to think of it, I don't like much of that part of my life at all. I became a woman of ill repute, a drug addict, and contracted tuberculosis. There's not much to like. So how can I make my life different now, Christy?"

"First, you can stop blaming yourself for your 'father's' actions. You can't be held responsible. Love your mother. She's made mistakes, just like you."

"I'll try, it's not going to be easy. I can see why Mac and Mother love you. I think I can see in you the person I could have been, if I let myself. I don't think though I could ever have had such a loving and caring heart like yours." I smiled at her.

"Miss Alice and Neil didn't always love me. In fact, your mother resented me for a short time. And Neil, let's just say we haven't gotten along real well from time to time."

"Like today?"

I stared at Margaret. Had she heard my words to Neil when I left, or did he tell her? Margaret looked at me levelly and smiled faintly.

" I guessed by his attitude when he had arrived seconds after you left. I figured that I wasn't the reason for his black mood, so it had to be you. I know I'm still married to him, but it's just a formality. There's no use in getting a divorce, by the time it gets through I'll be dead. I did love him, but not as a wife should love a husband. Just like you love David. I still want to have a relationship with Mac. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable talking about him with me."

"I don't think it matters anyhow. I probably just have a silly crush on him."

"If you say so."

Below us the kitchen door banged open and shut, followed by Ruby Mae's voice. I glanced at my watch pinned to my vest. It was four o' clock. I didn't realize it was that late.

"Why don't you come down with me and Ruby Mae can tell you some more stories about the Cove, while I make dinner."

"Wonderful idea. Can you cook better than her?"

"Only marginally, but I don't use possum." Margaret grabbed her journal and followed me downstairs.

"Miz Christy, I didn't know ye was here. Everything was so quiet like an all. Is Preacher going to be here for dinner, ye reckin? I best get started on my possum; it's late. Bessie was shore full of stories today. Lordamercy, she can talk the sun down." Ruby Mae prattled on, her words tumbling out of her mouth faster than a mountain stream. I doubted that it was Bessie's wagging tongue that kept Ruby Mae out, but her own.

Putting her words to a stop, I interjected a quick suggestion. "You know, Miss Margaret and I were just talking about some of the events that have happened in the Cove since I came here. I just know she would love to hear some more. I'll take care of dinner tonight." I hurried out of the room as Ruby Mae plunked herself down in a chair and Margaret took her seat hesitantly. I listened to their voices from the kitchen and set about my task. After setting a pot of potatoes to boil, I leaned against the doorframe and listened to Ruby Mae's tales.

"This one time, Mix Christy got hurt in a cave and had to send me for help. I was plumb skeered outten my mind, but I gots out of that cave and found Doc and Preacher right quick, so I did. They was a bickerin' like banty hens over Miz Christy. They shore do that a lot, Miz Margaret, 'specially after they taught us physical education. Oh an sometimes Miz Alice gets right upset at Miz Christy. Like this one time, I think Miz Alice didn't speak to Miz Christy for durn near a whole week. An I think Miz Alice was upset at Miz Christy fer wantin' ta keep that orphan baby. Doc and Preacher were shore eyein' Miz Christy with that baby, though. An Doc, well sometimes I heered him and Miz Christy arguin' sumptin' fearful. He'd a holler at her real loud like thunder, but he ken be right nice too. I'd know, Becky O'Teale told me so. He told her and Miz Christy a story that night when Miz Christy took her ta see him about her eyes an all. She said he looked at Miz Christy with eyes that'd make an old lady swoon."

Perhaps having Ruby Mae talk to Margaret was not such I good idea. She was rambling on and I knew Margaret had to be confused. Margaret was looking on more good naturedly than I had ever seen her. Then I saw Margaret's pen flick across the pages in her journal. Was she taking notes on Ruby Mae's rants? I was intrigued, and moved into the next room a little more.

"Miz Christy's parents were here last Thanksgivin'. Mr. Huddleston, he be a right nice feller. He be a lawyer and I never heerd of a lawyer afore. Must be a fancy job though cause Mrs. Huddleston is the finest lady I ever laid eyes on, asides you and Miz Christy and Miz Sissel. Miz Sissel shore had the voice of an angel. She had the prettiest wearing clothes ever; all light an flouncy just like a cloud up in the sky. I think Miz Christy was jealous of Miz Sissel cause she was an old friend of Preacher's, ifn ye know what I mean. I want ta be a fancy lady someday, just like Miz Christy or ye too, Miz Margaret."

That was the first time I heard Margaret laugh, really laugh. There was no bitterness or contempt in it. It was beautiful, like a rippling rivulet of water over polished rocks. The sound of hissing made me turn away. The pot of potatoes was boiling over and I went to remove them from the stove. I was cleaning up the mess I had made, when another low, rippling voice made me start.

"Distracted while you were cooking again, I see?" I turned with sodden dishcloth in hand to see that Neil had entered through the kitchen. I blushed, as he remembered the day I burnt chicken at his cabin. How did he know I was distracted that day? And why wasn't he angry with me for what I said earlier?

"No I wasn't. The potatoes just boiled over that's all. What are you doing here anyway? You've checked on Margaret twice already."

"I wanted to talk to you. I can wait until after dinner."

"You might as well stay, I don't think David will be joining us tonight."

"Can I help you?"

"How good are you at mashing potatoes?"

"Fair to middlin', I'd say." I handed Neil a potato masher, milk and butter. I turned away to fry up some ham slices, when Neil grabbed my arm lightly. I stopped and he let go of my arm to brush a strand of hair from my eyes. I looked into his eyes and before I knew it, his lips covered mine. I pulled away from him like his lips were fire.

"Neil! Ruby Mae and your wife are in the next room!" I hissed. I might as well of slapped him instead. He looked stunted. I don't think he meant to kiss me; he must have made a mistake.

"Christy, do you need help in there? It's awfully quiet." Margaret was standing just outside the door into the kitchen. She saw us. "Oh", was all she said.

From the corner of my eye, I saw a figure darken the door to the outside. It was David. His eyes looked menacingly dark.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Here's a rare weekend update. I couldn't leave everyone hanging with the end of that last chapter, not even myself. Christy recieves a pet name from Neil. I got tired of reading other stories where he calls her Lass, so I went for something original. Let me know what you think.

Chapter 6

"Christy, I thought it was only going to be us 'fine ladies' for dinner this evening."

"So did I, but it looks as though we have some gentleman callers." I gritted out the word _gentleman_. I returned to my original task, thankful for Margaret's gracious cover. While not entirely sure that she had seen Neil kiss me, I knew she was cutting the tension David's presence made at that precise moment.

"Shall I send Ruby Mae in to help you?"

"I think I can manage myself thank you. She could set another place at the table."

Margaret turned to enter the dining room again and David pushed his way silently between Neil and I. After he left I looked at Neil. If he could read my eyes so well, I hoped he read what was in them now. I was angry that he could be so careless, which was not like Neil. I let a flash of understanding light my face.

"I can take care of the potatoes. Go on into the dining room and make sure Ruby Mae isn't tiring Margaret." As he turned to go, I mouthed the words, "I'll talk to you after dinner". He nodded his reply and left.

Dinner that evening was a little tense, but Ruby Mae's endless chatter made the mood a somewhat lighter. Margaret laughed at her stories. Neil looked relieved at Margaret's change in attitude. David made many attempts at joining the group in laughing, but we all could tell that it was half-heartedly. His glowering eyes made me shift uncomfortably in my seat.

After the dishes were rounded up and in the sink, David retreated to his part of the mission. Margaret went into the parlor and was absently striking keys on the piano. I wondered if she knew how to play. We didn't have anyone who knew how to play since Ida left. I sent Ruby Mae to her room to finish some homework much to her protests. I found Neil on the front porch smoking his pipe. I caught his attention and we moved toward the meadow below the schoolhouse. We needed to have this discussion away from Ruby Mae's all hearing ears.

"So you and Margaret are friends now?"

"She needs one and I am all she has apparently." I was glad that the sun was setting, so that my anger didn't show so much.

"I don't know how to be her friend. I don't know what she wants from me, now."

"Did you ever ask her?" I snapped back. I didn't want to be angry at Neil but honestly, he just couldn't stop himself from provoking me in just the right way. I exhaled forcefully and added, "She would like a relationship with you".

"I can't be her husband anymore. You know that."

"She realizes that she can't go back to the way things were. She isn't asking for that. Can't you remember anything about her that you liked, that you loved?"

Neil didn't say anything for sometime. In the dim light, I tried to discern his thoughts. We had reached the steps of the schoolhouse and sat down. I was beginning to realize that he was afraid to open his heart up to Margaret again.

"If you don't forgive her, you aren't ever going to get past the hurt she caused you. She won't be able heal all of her past wounds to you, but you both can make some new memories. Then when you think of her, it won't be with bitterness and regret. But you have to allow yourself to bring those past hurts to the surface. You aren't going through this alone you know. I am here for you. Please remember though, I can't be your love. I can only be a friend."

The sun had finally slipped down behind the mountains. A few clouds nearest the western horizon still glowed with the last of beautiful rose gold beams of sunset. One star was valiantly glimmering in the eastern sky. That single star was so beautiful and so alone.

"I'm sorry I was so mean to you this afternoon. I was frustrated with Margaret and I think I understand why it's hard for you to get close to her again. Someone pointed out to me today that pretty much everyone in Cutter Gap is stubborn, even those of us at the mission."

"Well, you have to be, otherwise you might as well leave. Being too stubborn is a lonely lot in life, I should know."

"You're not alone."

"I know, Starlight, my Starlight. I apologize for my actions earlier. I forgot myself. I was living for a moment in a wonderful fantasy, in a world of splendid dreams. Alas, dreams are not practical things."

"What do you dream of Neil?"

"Some other time, Starlight. We should be getting back, before Ruby Mae gets suspicious."

As we left the schoolhouse steps, I heard a faint rustle in the nearby tangle of rhododendron bushes. At first I thought that it was the wind, but the air was still. I shivered slightly.

"Are you cold, Christy?"

"No, I thought I heard something in the bushes behind the school."

"It was probably just an animal out for the evening."

Neil was probably right, but I couldn't help but feel a little unnerved by the sound. Neil went in to the mission with me and made one last check on Margaret. Ruby Mae had gone to bed, hopefully after completing her homework. I sat down in the parlor with Margaret and picked up an embroidery project Mother had sent me. I furrowed my brow in concentration. I wondered why Mother had sent me something like this. I had plenty of other things to occupy my time and she knew I was completely hopeless at things like this. Attending Miss Alice's Sewing Circle and finishing a quilt square was an enormous task for me. I sighed and put it down again.

"I can see that I am not the only one who is hopeless at being a domestic goddess." Margaret had been writing in her journal, but put it aside for now.

"I was just wondering why my mother sent it to me in the first place. She knows me better than that. She always tried to teach me, but it's just beyond my skills. We ended up in an argument after she tried to teach me to knit one time."

"You don't get along with your mother?"

"No, not always. We battled about me coming here, until she finally relented or Daddy told her to let me come. Oh and she made me so angry when she wouldn't let Neil treat Daddy after he suffered a stroke here last Thanksgiving. I'm not sure why she finally agreed, but she was certainly pleased that she did in the end."

"Your father recovered?"

"Yes quite well in fact. We have Neil to thank for that. He never gave up hope." Margaret was thoughtful for a minute. I suppose she never really thought of Neil as being a man who had hope. Maybe I was wrong. Perhaps it was not hope after all, but pride in not losing a patient.

"Ruby Mae said something about Mother being angry with you earlier. Why was that?"

"It had to do with you. She was angry at my friendship with Neil. She felt that I was taking your place in his life. She was angry with him too, for forgetting you. Of course this was before you came back with Mr. Harland, before we knew you were alive. She did later apologize to me and Ruby Mae was right, Miss Alice didn't speak to me for some time and I had no idea why. I think she thought we were falling in love."

"Where you?"

"I think so."

"I've got a lot to set right, don't I?"

"Yes. Neil will be the toughest. He doesn't want to bring those memories back to the surface."

"I promise I won't run away from this. You have given me the courage. If you haven't run away from your problems, then I will stay and make things right."

"I will help you."

We fell into a comfortable silence and went back to our previous occupations. The mantle clock chimed at nine o' clock. I raised my tired eyes to the clock face. I should go to bed. Tomorrow was my turn to milk Sally and she rose quite a ruckus when she wasn't milked at promptly six-thirty. I said goodnight to Margaret and carried a lamp upstairs.

"Christy, be careful around David."

I paused on the first step and looked back at Margaret. "Why?"

"I've seen that look in a man's eye before and it doesn't bode well. Just be careful, okay?"

I nodded and continued up the stairs. Margaret couldn't be right about David, could she? I didn't want to think ill of David, but I couldn't help but shiver, as I got ready for bed.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Finally go tthis one to post. It was ready Friday but apparently the site was not. This is perhaps the darkest chapter yet aside from the first chapter. It is also very long. Hope you all enjoy.

Chapter 7

Miss Alice returned from her retreat on a chilly, gray day in early November. I saw her ride past the schoolhouse during my geography lesson. I wanted to go and talk with her; to build up her courage to deal with Margaret but I had to finish teaching first.

"Teacher what da ye reckon Arie-zona means? Shore is a funny name." Sam Houston's question brought my mind back to the geography lesson.

"It means 'arid land' in Spanish. The same language from which El Pano gets its name."

"What does ar-id mean?"

"Extremely dry, like a desert."

"Desert. I thought that was sumptin that ye ate after ye had supper. Ye know like pie an all." Sam Huston was quite comical today. Perhaps I should have done a vocabulary lesson first.

"That's called dessert. Dessert is spelled with two s; desert is spelled with only one. Try to remember that you like more than one dessert to make sure your spelling the right word."

"Teacher, what's a desert like?" Little Burl had taken over asking the questions now.

"I've never seen one before but I'll try to explain the best I can. I've only seen a few photographs in a magazine before of a desert. For one thing it is very dry."

"Like when it don't rain here for days and days?" Some one chimed in toward the back of the class.

"Like when it doesn't rain." I corrected and went on with my explanation. "No it would be drier than that because it only rains a few days a year. There are no trees or grass in many deserts. There's lots of sand and rocks and it is very hot. A desert is very different than Cutter Gap, where everything is green and cool."

"Reckon 'twould be sumptin to see sometime. When I'm grown, I'd like to see this Arizona land fer myself." Isaac McHone announced. He of all my students was the one that had a case of what was called around here as 'wanderlust'. In his young face, I got a glimpse of a young adventurer seeking more and more exotic locations. I smiled and hoped that one-day, when I was older, that I could say that I knew him when he was young.

Eventually, I did complete my geography lesson and a vocabulary lesson as well. Introducing the students to the Western states had sparked interest and since some of those states had landforms and climates not known to them, I had to do a vocabulary lesson.

As I packed up my things to leave the now empty schoolroom, a light rain began to patter on the roof. I stood on the porch of the schoolhouse and gazed out into the mists gathering in the meadow below. I suppose some might find a dreary day depressing, but occasionally I found solace in the gray mystery of a rainy day. I found myself entranced by the movement of the fog banks more than once since I arrived in Cutter Gap. With a gentle and calm spirit, I went to find Miss Alice.

I found Miss Alice alone in her room. She regarded me silently and I could read the sadness in her brown eyes. Without asking I knew she had found no answers for her and Margaret's situation. What could I say to make the sadness and pain go away? Stumbling for words, I tried the best I could.

"Miss Alice, Margaret needs you now and it doesn't matter what you've said and done in the past."

"Christy, it _does_ matter what I've done to her. I am the one who helped make her into what she is today."

"Not entirely. She believes she is unworthy of love and compassion because of her birth. That is not your fault."

"But Christy _it is_ _my_ fault. I abandoned her for six years. I left my parents to raise her when she was only six months old. I became a missionary to hide myself from my problems. If it wasn't for Joseph Scott, I don't think I would have ever returned to Pennsylvania. I missed Margaret's formative years, so the damage had already been done and it was too late to fix the problems. I let those problems go, thinking that she would grow out of her selfish phase and she would grow more caring. By the time she was sixteen, she had run off to Philadelphia and joined a group of bohemians. They challenged her beliefs and she challenged theirs. They gave her more freedom than I could and accepted her as she was. I could not bear to see my own daughter act so godless and shameful, but still I tried to reach her. I followed her and Neil to Cutter Gap after they married. I saw need here and found a purpose. She could not or would not find a purpose. Neil was not enough for her; he lived his life by too many rules, which was a direct conflict of those bohemian ideals. She had though him to be a rebellious spirit too. In religion yes he was rebellious, but he is dutiful and caring. I suppose he thought she was caring and capable of love. She hated the isolation here and I was blind to it. What have I done to my own flesh and blood? I disowned her, Christy." Miss Alice's brown eyes pooled with tears and my heart ached. I was beginning to feel myself pulled down by the seemingly hopeless nature of this situation. Words and actions once said and done were hard things for many to forget, but they are not impossible to forgive.

"I've talked with Margaret some while you were away."

"Thee has?" Miss Alice sounded hopeful.

"Yes. She wants to have some relationship with you. She knows she can't relive the past. You know as well as I do, that God accepts us the way we are, the good and the bad, it doesn't matter to him. He loves us anyway. Shouldn't we extend that acceptance to everyone we meet? You have shown me that, show it to your daughter. God made mothers and daughter not see eye to eye all the time, but love is still there. Let Margaret know that. Don't hide from her. Move on from the past and start anew with her before it's too late."

"Thank thee, Christy for thy courage."

I nodded to Miss Alice and left her room to return to mine. I said a silent prayer that the rift between mother and daughter could be mended. I hoped that I had gotten through to both of them enough to thaw the ice around their hearts.

Later that week, the rain moved off and we were graced with a cloudless and brilliant November day. Just in time for the working at Dan Scott's. Miss Alice and Margaret seemed to be getting along well, though I did not know what they said to each other and I didn't want to pry. I had been busy with Fairlight making pies to take to the working on Thursday and Friday. David seemed to be in an odd mood. Sometimes he was positively brooding and other times he was fine, flashing his handsome smile now and then. Margaret had to be wrong about David. Surely he would not do anything to harm me. He wasn't still jealous of Neil, no, he couldn't be. He was probably just a little sore that I wasn't going to marry him, that's all. It would take awhile to get over that I supposed.

"Margaret, I'm sorry you can't join us for the working. You'll miss all of Jeb's wonderful songs. You could even teach us some."

"I doubt my songs from my tea house day would be appropriate."

"You'd be surprised. Some of the ballads can be quite bawdy."

"Well, you'll just have to sing some for me."

I looked at Margaret in horror. "I can't sing very well. I must warn you."

"According to Ruby Mae, your voice at least does not incite howls from old hound dogs." Margaret laughed huskily.

"Ruby Mae's been telling tales again."

"That girl is positively delightful at times. Don't worry about me; I'll be fine on my own. Mac says it's too cool out for me to be out long. Have a dance with him for me, will you?"

"I'll try, but dancing usually leads to an argument with us."

"Mac always picks his fights at the wrong moments. Some things never change. You'd best hurry or you'll be late."

I grabbed my coat from the hook by the door and said a goodbye to Margaret. David had already left, but if I hurried I could catch up to Miss Alice.

We were the first to arrive at the cabin site. I wonder how many would show up to the working. Most residents of the Cove did not hold Dan Scott in high regard. I hoped that after the scarlet epidemic and his cabin burning, things would change. Change was a slow thing in the Cove. I was just beginning to feel like a member of the community here and I had been here for over a year going on two.

David helped us set up tables for food and started a large fire for us. He and Dan began selecting trees that would do for the cabin. Slowly and to my surprise, people began to arrive. First the Spencers and the McHones and then the Allens, Holts, Coburns, Becks, Holcombes, and Teagues arrived at the cabin site. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure moving reluctantly at the edge of the yard. As the person stepped out of the shadows, I felt my eyes widened in surprise. Bird's Eye Taylor! Of all the people not to be there, he would have been the first on the list. Behind him I saw Neil leading his Aunt Hattie to a bench by the fire. I wondered if he was the reason for Bird's Eye being here. I would ask him later.

Since it was late in the season for a working and Dan Scott did not need much land cleared of brush, the wildfire that Creed Allen had accidentally set had taken care of that, raising the cabin and a small barn were all that was necessary. The men organized themselves into several groups: those that would cut down the selected trees, those that would move them and notch the logs to fit together, and a final group to help heft the logs into place. Neil and David were in the last group of men along with Dan Scott. I was glad to see Neil and David together; perhaps working side by side would put an end to their unspoken rivalry. I went to the group of women and children that had gathered by the fire to help prepare the noon meal. We would start a stew with ingredients that each family had brought. Once it was started, we would sew and talk until it was time to eat. Then, after all the work was done, was my favorite part of the day, the singing and celebrating after a hard day of work.

By the noon meal, Dan's cabin was nearly finished except for the roof. The women and I had the tables ready to serve the men first. I handed David a bowl of stew and he barely said a word. I looked at his eyes and they held that menacing look like storm clouds on a summer day. I shivered at the look he gave me.

"What's wrong with Grantland now?"

Neil's voice shocked me to attention. "I don't know. He's been acting strangely since last week. Since…" I stopped myself from bringing up his kiss. Neil nodded his understanding.

"He hasn't said more than two words the whole day to either Dan or I."

"Hey Doc! How's about movin' on soes the rest of us kin eat?" Someone was shouting from the end of the line to us. I lowered my eyes, embarrassed.

I didn't get to talk to Neil until after the working was finished. Jeb and some others were tuning up for some music. It was nearly 3 o' clock, so there would be just enough time for a few songs before sunset. As late as it was, some families, even if they left now, would have to finish their walk home by torchlight.

"Hold on thar now Jeb. Afore we gets carried away with singin' an all, I gots sumptin ta say ta ye Mr. Scott." Uncle Bogg had taken off his hat and was squashing it nervously in his hands. "I know we haven't been so nice ta ye an all. Ye did a really fine job findin' and takin' care of Creed Allen during the scarlet fever and we'd like ta thank ye fer it. Bob bring that thar mule here."

Bob Allen led a mule forward. Behind it was a sled, piled up with what was commonly referred to as 'house plunder'. Dan moved forward to accept this gift.

"Tain't much, I know, but its more'n' most married couples start off with 'round here."

"Thank you all so much. It means a lot to me."

"Come on now. Help the man get his stuff inside afore the sun sinks."

As men moved forward to help move in the table and chairs, Jeb began to fiddle. More joined in on dulcimer, banjo, accordion, and harmonica after the house plunder had been moved in. I walked over to Neil.

"Someone requested that I dance with you."

Neil removed his pipe from his lips, his eyebrow cocked in a questioning manner. "But it isn't proper for the ladies to do the asking."

I flushed slightly. "I figured that every time you asked me to dance, it hasn't ended very well. Besides, Margaret wanted me to dance with you."

"Of course I'll dance with you. I was planning on asking."

The first dance was a lively reel, which left me breathless. I wouldn't have guessed that Neil was such an accomplished dancer. I wished that day down by the river had turned out better. Jeb's fingers relaxed into a slower tune. Somewhere Aunt Hattie started singing the words to the song softly as others joined in. Neil was singing softly in my ear as well. Apparently his aunt wasn't the only one in the MacNeill clan blessed with the gift of music.

Down in the valley, valley so low

Hang your head over, hear the wind blow

Hear the wind blow, dear, hear the wind blow;

Hang your head over, hear the wind blow.

Roses love sunshine, violets love dew,

Angels in Heaven know I love you,

Know I love you, dear, know I love you,

Angels in Heaven know I love you.

I leaned my head to nearly touch Neil's shoulder and closed my eyes. The worry of the past weeks seemed to slip from my shoulders. I could almost forget everything in his strong arms. The song ended much too soon. Neil was whispering in my ear.

"We ought to stop dancing, Starlight. I'm likely to forget again that you are not mine."

We parted reluctantly and found other partners to dance with. Neil was spinning Fairlight around in another fast paced dance and Tom McHone was guiding me into the group of dancers. Opal must have been busy tending to Iris. I declined a second dance to grab a drink of cool water. The sun was sinking low now, filling the ridges and valleys with warm golden light. I was about to turn back to the crowd, when someone grabbed my arm roughly. I whirled around to meet David's glowering face. A sick feeling twisted my insides like I had never felt before.

"You filthy whore! Out there flaunting and flirting with a married man! He's gone and ruined you too. Just like Margaret. How long do you think it will be until you are driven mad or he discards you like ashes from a fire? No man will want you, ever. I should be the one who ends it for you. Should have married me while you had the chance."

Suddenly he drew me to him, my back at his chest and arms gripping me tightly around the neck and waist. I was too terrified to even scream. I felt something cold and hard pressing into the soft flesh of the hollow of my neck. The sharp point of it was biting into my skin; I knew it was a knife. I heard the music stop as we neared the crowd and a stunned gasp followed. Neil was standing near Miss Alice and both turned with a look of horror spread over their faces. Neil rushed forward as did several other men.

"Stay back! I'm going to kill her! She is a sinner and needs to be punished! She is an adulteress and a fornicator! Her blood will make her pure!"

The knife blade pushed further into my neck. From the warm trickle I could feel running down my neck and gathering on my collar, I knew I was bleeding now. David only had to push slightly harder and my life would be over. I was shaking now, uncontrollably so. Even with Jarvis Tatum, I hadn't been this terrified. He had been a stranger to me. But David was supposed to have loved me. How could love turn to hate so quickly? I looked to Neil and saw his face frozen in terror and confusion. He had to save me. The crowd around us was still silent and in shock. Though violence was nothing new in this part of the world, a so-called man of God committing violence was quite foreign. A slow click of a gun being cocked filled the air.

"Ye oughter let her go, ifn ye want ta live. I kin pull this here trigger faster'n ye can blink an eye." Bird's Eye Taylor had his trusty rifle trained on David.

"Go right ahead, Bird's Eye. Kill me and I'll kill her on my way out."

David and Bird's Eye continued to stare each other down in the dimming light. From the corner of my eye, I saw a slight movement. Where had Neil gone? The moments dragged on for eons it seemed. Some of the other men on the fringes of the crowd had moved away as well. David had not noticed. I felt a glimmer of hope and said a silent prayer that things would end well.

A sudden movement came from behind David. He shifted his hand enough that the knife no longer stuck me in the neck. With his attention on who ever was behind him, I launched myself forward and fell to the ground. Miss Alice and Fairlight rushed to me. I saw that Neil now had David's knife welding hand in his and was squeezing it mercilessly in effort to get the knife to release. Bird's Eye still had his gun trained on David's struggling figure. The knife dropped with a dull thud to the ground and Uncle Bogg rushed up to David as Neil forced David's hands behind his back. Uncle Bogg grabbed a thick rope from Dan Scott and tied David's hands firmly behind his back.

"He'll be goin' to Lyleton in the mornin'." Uncle Bogg stated firmly. There was a unanimous agreement from the crowed.

"Until then we can keep him in my barn." Dan offered.

"I kin keep watch over him 'til Uncle Bogg can get him to Lyleton." Bird's Eye had finally lowered the rifle. "Then we ride as a group thar tomorry." Again, that was agreed to unanimously.

Neil was at my side immediately after David was secured. He examined the wound on my neck and suddenly thing started to go black.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Sorry for the delay. This one was a tough chapter to write following the much dramatic chapter 7. I kinda blocked myself in and had to learn some of the same lessons that the characters did. Hope you like it, if not, here's to a great chapter 9.

Blurry figures swam into my line of sight. Their faces slowly came into focus. Neil's face was close to mine. Behind him, I could make out Miss Alice, Fairlight and Margaret, their faces shadowy in the lamplight. The air was heavy with concern. I shivered under the heavy quilt when I remembered what had happened.

"Welcome back, Miss Huddleston. How are you feeling?" Neil the doctor was asking me, Neil the friend and potentially lover was not evident anywhere. In my mind I wanted to answer him but the muscles in my throat and mouth would not comply. A feeling of being trapped engulfed me. All I could do was stare blankly into his blue eyes. A look of grave concern darkened Neil's eyes.

"She's okay, isn't she Mac?" Margaret's voice held a slightly frantic tone.

Neil's silence hung in the air with all the weight of a snow and ice laden tree branch. He was searching carefully for words; I could tell by the miniscule movements around his mouth. Finally, he spoke. His voice was only louder than a whisper.

"The injury from the knife is not severe. It only took two small stitches. She's in a sort of emotional shock. I can't say how long it will last. She's been through a lot lately."

"What can we do for her?" Miss Alice's voice was barely audible.

"I'm not really sure. I really wish I could be more helpful. Make sure she gets the proper nourishment she needs and plenty of rest. I'll go and research some of my medical journals to see if I can find some more definitive answers." With that, he rose and I could hear him move off to the door of my room. The three women near my bed remain motionless. Deep down, I wanted to let them know I was fine, but mostly I just wanted to stay in that blissful darkness of sleep. I closed my eyes and let the numbing darkness take me.

I awoke abruptly from a horrible dream. With a start I realized that it was no dream but reality. David had held a knife to my throat. I felt at the small square bandage on my neck. I shivered and pulled my quilt tighter around me. Moonlight was streaming in through the window, casting its silvery glow around the room. I heard the door to my room creak open slowly. Moving my eyes, I saw a cloud of dark curls and a painfully pale face looking down at me. Margaret had come to visit me.

"I couldn't sleep. I hope you don't mind me being here. It's times like this that I wish I had more of that drug I got in Atlanta. I could sleep at least when I had it. Mac tells me the company in Germany that marketed it, isn't selling it anymore because it was too dangerous. You know if it hadn't been for you I probably wouldn't have had the courage to deal with anything here. Not sober anyway." She paused and took a ragged breath. She sat down on the edge of my bed. In the moonlight she looked very pale and her eyes had a high sheen. She must be feverish, but I was still in too much shock from the night's events to do anything about it. I sat up against the pillows behind me.

"I don't know if it matters or not, but when they brought you back I made sure that no one took David's words seriously. I said that you had turned down his proposal and he was sore about it and must have lost his senses over it. It isn't a lie, but I know he saw you and Mac kissing and that's what drove him over the edge. I do feel bad over the omission of truth which is something new for me. I felt I had to protect you from any rash judgments. From Ruby Mae's stories, you've suffered from those several times before. I am so sorry that this happened. I should have done more."

Margaret placed her hands lightly on my shoulder. I was seeing for the first time a glimpse of who she could have been. Her emotion and want to protect me touched me deeply. Deep within me, those chains of shock which had bound my reactions broke free. I started to shake with the intensity of my tears. It felt like I had been holding back months of tears and hurt, which in truth I probably had. I felt Margaret's arms around my shoulders and I leaned into her, crying harder. Margaret placed her hand soothingly on my head; it rested lightly there like a soft breeze.

"Ssh, that's it Christy, let out all of that pain and hurt. You need to do it. You'll feel better."

I must have cried for what seemed like hours, but Margaret was right, I did feel better. When I finally stopped crying, I leaned back into the pillows.

"Thank you Margaret." My tears had freed that emotional block from my body and I could finally talk.

"You'd have done the same for me, so I thought I'd return the favor. Don't you dare believe anything that David said about you. You aren't any of those things and the whole Cove knows it too. Since I first showed up, I always was wary of David. I'm not sure why."

"How could he do such a thing? He said he loved me and then he tried to kill me. What kind of love is that?"

Margaret looked at me levelly and took a deep breath before answering me. "That's not love Christy. That's possession. Like I've said before, I've seen that look many times from some 'clients' if you will. A man wants something so much that they will stop at nothing to get it. It's an ugly emotion. If you had agreed to his proposal, you would have caught on to it soon enough."

Her words were making me think. David had issued me an ultimatum only days before he officially proposed to me for the second time. I was finally seeing David in his true light now. While on the whole, David could be genuinely nice there were serious character flaws. He always had to be the right one and sort of forced his ideals on those around him. I just happened to be part of his manipulation. I felt used and betrayed. Was I so naive that I couldn't see David's intentions for what they were? I felt my eyes well up again with tears, tears for my own ignorance.

"Christy Huddleston, everyone is entitled to make a mistake of youthful naivety. I should know, I'm paying for a lifetime of them. There's no reason to feel sorry for them. You pick up and move on and take with you the lessons you have learned. You've taught me that. You're not as naive as you think. If it wasn't for you, Mother and I would not be on any sort of terms. You can't let what David's done drag you down." Margaret broke off and moved from the bed. She was trying to stifle a cough but was unsuccessful. She was right. I was thankful that my life had been spared, but I could not wallow in self-pity. One can not go back and rewrite a page in history, only learn valuable lessons.

"Margaret you should be in bed not up talking to me. Let me help you back to your room." I rose from my bed and pulled on my robe that was near by. Margaret accepted my arm willingly and I helped her to her room. I made sure she was comfortable. I turned back to look in on her one last time from the doorway. "Thank you."

I woke up late the next morning. I was feeling somewhat better this morning than last night but I couldn't help feeling a little lost. Even though Margaret had told me not to believe anything David had said about me, I could not help but think that I was the one who helped David over the edge. After all, I had the feeling that there was some truth to his words. Even if everyone else didn't believe David, I still felt like I wore a scarlet 'A' for everyone to see.

I dressed quietly, listening to see if anyone was about in the house. I wanted to slip out unnoticed and be alone with my thoughts. I paused at the top of the stairs and listened, satisfied that no one was around, I went out. I let my feet chose my path. As I walked, I was overcome by that old urge to run away from my problems. I knew that running back to Asheville or anywhere else would not solve anything. I sat down on a large outcropping of rocks and contemplated my life. I was no closer to an answer even after an hour. This was pointless. I got up and straightened my skirt. I was moving back the way I had come, when a movement caught my eye. I stopped, startled to see a wizened but well dressed old man with snowy-white hair and shimmering green eyes. Who was this old man and where did he come from?

"Are you lost again Miss?"

"Physically, no I'm not lost, but spiritually is another story." He smiled at me so warmly that it seemed like the sun its self shone from it. I recalled meeting him the first time last month. Again I knew he was a stranger but he felt like a long lost friend.

"Have you prayed?"

"No"

"Prayer always helps in situations like these. God does not put you in situations to punish you, but to help you learn and grow. How you deal with them shows Him if He is truly in your heart." He tipped his hat an continued on a different trail than mine.

"Wait! Who are you? I have to know."

"I have many names, but you can call me John. We shall meet again for this I know is true."

I stared after him for some time, but it was almost like he disappeared again. It could have been the shadows of the hemlocks and pines that made him seem to disappear, but that explanation didn't seem to fit. I still would have heard his footsteps. Puzzled by this encounter I continued on my way. As I approached the mission, I saw Miss Alice ride into the yard. She was back, probably from Dan's new cabin, where David had been kept overnight before some of the men took him on to Lyleton. I couldn't help but notice the irony of today. It was Sunday and instead of the preacher being in church, he was bound for the Lyleton jail.

"Christy, should thee be out?"

"I'm fine. No, I'm not. I can't help but feel that David's words are true. I am a sinner and adulteress."

"Child, thou are human are thy not?"

"Yes of course."

"Thee knows that all humans sin, correct?" I nodded.

"The first step of learning the way of God is to admit that thee have sinned. If thee never acknowledges sin, then thee is not on the correct path to God. Perhaps thee needs guidance to the next step?" Again I nodded.

"Ask for forgiveness from God and those you have offended and try hard not to repeat those mistakes. Learn from them and then thee will be on the right path again. Nothing happens by chance, it is all part of God's plan for thee. We often cannot see past the obstacle, but when we do we see how much we have grown from that obstacle's challenges. Can thee manage, Christy?"

"What if I am not forgiven?"

"God forgives and no man is above God to not forgive a fellow human. Now, I must go in and place a call to Dr. Ferrand and inquire about a new preacher. I'm sure he will want to visit as well." I felt my throat go dry. Dr. Ferrand had been critical of me on his last visit. I didn't know if I could take another of his visits. I followed Miss Alice into the mission house and went to my room.

I sat on the bed and contemplated Miss Alice's words and John's. I took the first step and prayed. My second step was to ask Margaret and Neil for forgiveness. I also realized that there was another person I had to forgive. I had to forgive David for his actions, if I truly wanted to be on the right path. I sat down at my desk and took out a sheet of paper that I saved for letters. I would write a note to Neil and explain why I need forgiveness from him and why I need to keep my distance from him. I pained me too much to do it in person. I planned on leaving the note with Margaret when he came to check on her. When I finished writing, I went to Margaret's room.

"Margaret, I have something to ask you."

"What is it?"

"I can help but feel that there was some truth behind David's words last night. I have committed a sin against you. Well, several now that I think of it. I need to ask your forgiveness. It's the only way make things right again. I am sorry that I loved your husband and I did not love you like God loves us all. Will you forgive me?"

Margaret looked at me with bemusement as I talked but by the time I finished she had a look of true compassion in her eyes. Forgiveness was a new concept for her. She was trying to forgive her mother of all her shortcomings as a parent but had never sought forgiveness from those she loved.

"Of course Christy, I forgive you. Can you ever forgive me for the awful way I've treated you? I could understand if you don't."

"If God can forgive all of our sins than I can forgive yours."

"God really works like that? But I've done some awful things, things I don't think I can even forgive now that I think of it."

"God knows what you have done and if you know now what you've done wrong, you can be forgiven. Don't worry, I'm still learning too and God understands."

Margaret's eyes looked a bit misty. "He must have infinite patience."

"Yes He does. I have a note for you to give to Neil when he comes to check on you."

"I'll make sure he gets it."

Later that evening I heard footsteps in the hall that paused near my door. I waited for a knock but none came. I heard something slide underneath my door. I got up to investigate and saw the single piece of paper lying on the floor. My name was written neatly across the cream colored paper in a familiar handwriting.

_You have done nothing that requires me to forgive you. You never meant for any of this to happen. When I first started to fall in love with you, I believed myself free to give you my love. Perhaps my caution in letting my true feelings be known is a saving grace, for if I pursued you like Grantland, we would have found ourselves in a deep mess. I have put you in jeopardy so many times, that I feel responsible for all of your troubles.. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have been taken hostage by Jarvis Tatum. If it wasn't for my unthinking actions then David wouldn't have gone over the edge. It should be me asking for your forgiveness. I will respect your wishes, even though it gives me grief, to keep my distance from you. If my forgiveness will make your soul whole again then I cannot deny it to you. I will be gone for several days and do not know when I will return. Please have Dan Scott look after you and Margaret._

_Take care, _

_Neil_

I refolded the note and placed it in a drawer. He was right and so was Miss Alice and John. God never lets things happen without a reason, it just takes us sometime to realize what that reason is. If things had worked out differently, we might have been married when Margaret came back. That would have been far worse. I felt a smile tug at my lips. I wondered when Neil started to love me? I sighed and went back to the book I was reading. I hoped that Neil was not leaving because of me. I folded my hands together and bowed my head and thanked God and asked him to keep Neil safe.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story. I do own my own words. This is fan fiction and for entertainment only.

Chapter Nine

One day after school I happened to overhear Miss Alice's 'phone conversation with Dr. Ferrand It sounded less than pleasant. I didn't want to eavesdrop, but really, when talking on the telephone it was hard no to listen.

"Yes, Jacob, he did hold a knife to Miss Huddleston's throat. Yes, she has not left us and continues on with us still. I don't think that's called for; Miss Huddleston did nothing wrong. Jacob, I have no idea why he did this, that's like asking me why the earth moves. Apparently, Miss Huddleston refused his proposal of marriage and he had not taken this well. No, I don't know for certain. I had been away for several days after this for personal reasons. I'd rather not discuss the matter now. If you find it absolutely necessary, then we shall await your arrival. Good bye Jacob."

I heard Miss Alice sigh as she hung up the receiver. Dr. Ferrand was difficult man, but I never thought he would have been difficult with Miss Alice. I entered the dining room from the parlor. Miss Alice had her hands to her head, massaging her temples.

"I swear that man can be ornery and contentious too much for his own good. Forgive me Christy, I do not mean to take my anger out on thee."

"Miss Alice, I understand. Dr. Ferrand can be too much to handle most of the time. Is he coming here?"

"Yes, I do believe he is coming soon."

My mouth went dry. I felt like I had finally gotten on his good side just as he left on his last visit here. The tone of Miss Alice's last statement finally struck me as being anxious. She would never get herself overwrought with emotion for a visit from Dr. Ferrand. There was more here and I could not help but press her for more information. If my position here at the mission was at stake, I needed to know.

"Miss Alice is there something else that he said that bothering you?" She looked down at her hands, which were now twined with each other in hesitation.

"Come, sit with me in the parlor. I have another story to tell thee." We sat down on the sofa.

"When I became affiliated with Dr. Ferrand's mission, I had already been in Cutter Gap a few years. I had set up some schools but knew the work was getting to be too much for one person to handle. About this time, Margaret left."

"Dr. Ferrand doesn't know about Margaret?"

"No, he does not. He didn't need to know, so I never told him."

"I'm sure he'll understand, when he gets here." Even saying the words, I knew that was asking for too much. Dr. Ferrand and understanding were not two words that linked in a sentence and a thought often or well.

"Christy, there's more. During his last visit, Jacob asked me to marry him."

"And?"

"I told him no for right now, but told him there was always hope."

This was not good, not good at all. This mission house seemed to be cursed with poorly worded declines of marriage proposals. It was just like David and I and that had not turned out well at all. I knew I was staring at Miss Alice with my mouth half opened, but I could not clamp it shut or form words to speak.

"What do I do, Christy?"

"Do you really have romantic feelings for him?"

"I'm not certain."

"I will say this, you need to be brutally honest with him, about everything. We can't hide Margaret from him. You told me your story without shame. You can do the same for Dr. Ferrand. It has to be done. Look at what happened when I told David I could never marry him." I pointed angrily to the rough scab on my neck. Though Dan had removed the stitches, it still served as a cruel reminder of what had transpired.

"Christy, Jacob could never act as David has."

"Then make sure you know the way of your heart and speak it clearly. There's no need to be afraid of Dr. Ferrand."

"What if he judges me by my past?"

"Since when have you been afraid of the judgment of others? You would have been driven from here long ago if you cared what others thought. You've got more courage in your right hand than I have in my whole being."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, Christy."

"Well, what do we do until he gets here?"

"Carry on like always. Things are out of our hands, Christy."

Miss Alice rose and left the parlor. I stayed behind. Yes, things were out of our hands, but Dr. Ferrand was not God. He could not get rid of me if he wanted to because I belonged here. Anyone else would have tucked tail and ran for home, but I was still here. If he were the sort of man Miss Alice believed him to be, then he would not dare stand in judgment of her past. I prepared to stand my ground against Dr. Ferrand for the sake of this mission.

The next few days were very hard to get through. I was busy with school. I had to teach all subjects now that David was no longer part of the mission. I couldn't even count on Neil for a science or history lesson. No one had any idea where he had gone. On top of that hardship, was the general upkeep of the mission property, something Dr. Ferrand was a stickler for. The schoolhouse sprung a leak one rainy afternoon. Shingles were missing from the roof of the mission house. Fairlight was doing her best to help us out and care for her family, but it was not enough. Dan tried to help out whenever he could, but he was often called away since he was the closest thing to a doctor around. Jeb Spencer and John Holocombe stepped in to help us make the repairs needed just before Dr. Ferrand arrived. There was no one however to help me teach. I felt like I had stepped into quicksand and was sinking in up to my neck very slowly.

"Fairlight, this is the worst I've felt since I first came here. I feel like giving up, just like I did three days after I first started teaching. I almost left"

"What stopped ye then?"

"Mountie's coat. I couldn't leave without giving her just one thing that was good. I sewed some buttons on her forgotten coat."

"A coat? Air ye shore it was jest a coat that stopped ye?"

"No, it wasn't. I got a feeling that I was needed. That my students needed me and my love."

"Yer still needed, no two ways 'bout it Ye cain't give up the fight"

"I know, but it's just so hard."

"Recollect when I tole ye that God don't heap on troubles ye cain't handle?"

"Yes."

"Ask Him fer help then. And ye've got me ta holp too."

"Do you think God can teach reading and math for a day?"

"Don't know 'bout God teaching but I kin. I knows I ain't got a head like Zady for arithmetic, but I kin teach the little 'uns. An I kin holp with readin too. See, I had the best teacher in these parts show me how"

I didn't want to offend Fairlight by refusing her earnest offer of help so I accepted. It turned out to be the best idea. While I missed working with the younger students, I could concentrate better on the older students needs. Fairlight helped me in the mornings. But still the courage I had worked up to defend myself to Dr. Ferrand was slipping.

"Everybody stand up. It's time for the spelling bee. Burl, here's your word, reason. What is the _reason_ for the answer? Reason."

"Reason is spelt r-e-a-z-o-n, Ma'am."

"No, sorry it's not. Have a seat Burl. Lulu, can you spell reason?"

"R-e-a-s-o-n. Reason."

"Very good, Lulu. Sam Houston, your word is remarkable. It is remarkable that-"

"-You are still here, Miss Huddleston, simply remarkable."

"Dr. Ferrand, how nice of you to stop by." I tried to make my words sound natural, but they came out sounding flat and maybe slightly insincere.

"I don't mean to interrupt, continue please. After you're finished with your spelling bee, dismiss the students early and walk with me to the mission house. We have much to discuss with Ms. Henderson."

"Yes. Go ahead Sam Houston." My mouth was dry and it was difficult to force out the words. It seemed like an eternity had passed before Zady Spencer was the last one standing in the spelling bee.

With forced enthusiasm, I dismissed my students who were eager to be out of school an hour early on a Friday. I pulled Ruby Mae from the door before she slipped out.

"Do you mind asking Bessie' parents if you can stay overnight."

"I will. Mrs. Coburn don't mind none most of the time. Do ye think Dr. Ferrand is gonna send you away?"

"I'm not sure Ruby Mae. I'll do my best to stay. If it doesn't suit Mrs. Coburn, then go to the Spencers."

"Yes'm." Ruby Mae gave me one last worried look and ran out the door to catch up to Bessie.

I returned to my desk and began to gather my normal things. I slipped my grade book and attendance roster into my satchel. My fingers hesitated over some of my personal belongings, but feeling Dr. Ferrand's eyes on me, I dropped my hands to my sides.

"Are you ready, Miss Huddleston?" I nodded mutely and walked to him.

As we approached the mission house steps, Dr. Ferrand stopped me. I turned to face him, pulling my shawl tighter around my shoulders. The November air was getting chillier than normal. It would snow sooner than last year.

"Miss Huddleston, I know we have had our differences in the past, but I do respect you for staying on. Now as the head of this mission, I do have to find out about this incident between David and yourself. I know already that you have the spiritual fortitude to stand up to the challenges here, but I need to make sure the moral conduct of my teachers is of the highest standards. Alice and I will have a lengthy discussion on this."

At his words, I felt that spark of fight glow into a steady flame. "Don't I get to say anything in this matter? I have every right to defend myself. I can assure you that there has been no moral misconduct on my part. Perhaps you are not the best judge of moral character since you're the one who selected David to be here." My voice started to raise into a pitched frenzy. Dr. Ferrand gave me a startled look.

'I suppose you're right. We all have our faults, but I need to know what went wrong with David at least. I don't have it in my heart to let you go from here. You bring this place a certain spirit, albeit a sparking one. You do remind me some of my late wife, Hanna. I'll let you stay, but you can't drive anymore preachers crazy with those wild blue eyes of yours. Let's get inside to Alice."

I let out a huge sigh of relief. My job was safe, but I wasn't sure how he would take Miss Alice's news. As I opened the door, I saw Miss Alice sitting in the parlor with Margaret. I was about to find out how Dr. Ferrand would take the news.

"Hello, Alice. And who is this lovely lady? Is she a friend of yours, Miss Huddleston?"

"Sort of." Miss Alice got up to greet us.

"Hello, Jacob. I would like to introduce you to my daughter, Margaret."

I saw a blank look cross Dr. Ferrand's face. "Your daughter." He repeated numbly.

"Sit down, Jacob. I want to explain all of this to you. Christy, perhaps you should take Margaret to Neil's cabin and spend the night there."

"But-"

"I need to do this on my own. I can't have either of you standing up for me. Margaret doesn't need the upset right now. I'll come by later."

I nodded and went to gather our things amid a frosty atmosphere. Dr. Ferrand had moved to sit in a chair in the parlor, but had not said a word. I went to Margaret's room and got several of her fancy scarves and shawls. She was going to have to bundle up to ride to Neil's cabin. I went back downstairs to Margaret who was waiting by the door.

"Here, put these on. It's getting cold outside." I handed Margaret the warm wrappings and shrugged on my own warm wool coat. I went to saddle Prince. It looked like Margaret would ride and I would lead. I went in and got Margaret. The air inside was still and silent in the parlor

I helped Margaret up into the saddle and we set off in the November twilight.

"So what exactly was going on back there, Christy?"

"Well, Dr. Ferrand is here to find a replacement for David and figure out why he acted the way he did. I think he entertained the idea of letting me go too. But the real trouble comes from the fact that Dr. Ferrand proposed to your Mother on his last visit here and he knows nothing about you."

"What is it with this place that makes men fall in love so easily?"

"I wonder sometimes too. Are you warm enough?"

"I'll be fine, we're almost there."

True to Margaret's words, we arrived at Neil's vacant cabin shortly after. Margaret and I carried our things inside and set about lighting a fire in the cold hearth. My fingers were so cold that every time I tried to light a match, I simply broke the head off of it.

"Give me the matches Christy. We'll be frostbitten by the time you get the fire started." Margaret took the matches and with a fluid motion got the match to light She tossed the flaming match into the pile of kindling and wood shavings. In a few minutes we had a nice little fire going. I went out to unsaddle Prince for the night and came back in to find Margaret looking through the cabinets for some food. I had forgotten to take any food with us.

"Just as I would have expected, nothing but cobwebs."

"I think there might be something on the back porch." I went and found a basket of apples and a crock of sauerkraut. "Apples or sauerkraut, Margaret?"

Margaret wrinkled her nose. "Apples, please. I hate sauerkraut." We both laughed and ate our fill of apples.

I placed a stone by the fire to warm up so Margaret could stay warm in the bed in the loft. I gathered up some quilts for me to make a bed on the floor downstairs.

"I can sleep downstairs, Christy. I don't mind, really."

"No, I'll stay down here and keep the fire going. I'd really feel more comfortable if you had the bed."

"All right if you insist. Good night then, and don't worry about Mother. She'll be fine."

"I hope you're right. Good night Margaret." I wrapped the warm stone in some muslin I found on a shelf near Neil's laboratory and handed it to Margaret.

After I was sure she settled in, did I try to curl up on my makeshift bed and sleep. Sleep was elusive. Eventually, I slipped into a fitful sleep wrought with fragments of hard memories. I woke up with a start after one of these dream-memories. I heard a noise on the front porch and something fumbling around in the dark near the door. Someone was trying to get in.

I jumped to my feet, looking around for something to defend myself with. The firelight flickered off of a rifle above the mantle. I grabbed it knowing full well I did not know how to use it It would work as a club, if nothing else. The door latch began to move. My heart was racing and my breath came in short gasps.

"Who's there!" I shouted as a figure appeared in the opening door. I hefted the rifle to my shoulder acting as if I knew how to use if.

"Well it's not everyday that the owner of the cabin is asked to identify himself at gunpoint by the intruder."

At the sound of the soothing Scottish brogue, I lowered the impotent rifle with heavy relief.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Christy in any form. This is fan fiction and for entertainment only.

Chapter 10

"Oh Neil! I'm sorry, I didn't think that it was you."

"One would never expect the resident to return home in the middle of the night"

"It was Miss Alice's idea. Dr. Ferrand is here."

"And tell me why that made Alice send you to my cabin alone?"

Neil had moved into his abode and shut the door on the brisk night air. The fire light flickered off of his strongly chiseled features. His blue eyes were so dark they could have been mistaken as brown. The light intensified the red-gold of his hair, making it gleam in near the same color as the fire. His face was conflicted with emotions. I did not know if he wanted to take me in his arms or lash out at me for staying away from him.

"I'm not here alone, Margaret's with me."

"She sent you here with Margaret, on a chilly night like this?" His voice rose and his brogue thickened. I could see a flash of temper lit in his eyes like a smoldering ember. I breached the space between us and clasped his hands in mine.

"I made sure she had enough warm things. We started a fire as soon as we got here. Miss Alice didn't send us here to be cruel. She and Dr. Ferrand had some things to discuss."

"That, I suppose, is so much more important than getting her daughter sicker or you injured." Neil's words were still sharp and unhappy. I moved closer to him.

"I don't exactly know her reasoning sending us here. I mean we could have stayed at Dan's or the Spencers. But it doesn't matter where she sent us, she needed to have words with Dr. Ferrand alone without Margaret and me interfering. You see, the last time Dr. Ferrand was here he asked her to marry him. She politely declined but led him to believe that her answer could change. To make things more difficult, Dr. Ferrand knows nothing about Margaret. He has no idea that Margaret is Miss Alice's daughter. Had no idea. She told him just as we left. Neil, I'm scared. What if he makes Miss Alice leave the mission? Or worse, what if he closes the mission entirely? I think he wanted me to leave too. What's going to happen if we have to leave?"

Neil drew me into his arms and I rested my head instinctively on his broad shoulders. I felt his fingers softly caressing my cheek.

"I won't let him do any such thing. I've never liked him and his last visit made me like him even less. I can't have him ruin this community just because he can only see the past wrongs and not the good."

While his words were still stinging, I could feel the tension slipping from Neil's body. I pulled myself away from him even though I wanted to stay in his arms forever.

"Where did you go Neil?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does to me. Where did you go?"

"I went to Asheville to see if there were any more promising treatments for tuberculosis last week"

"And what about this week?"

"Christy, please, I don't think I can do this now. I was away but I'm here now, where I belong." He turned away from me, his voice tense. I could tell that something pained him and he was refusing to let me in. I would find out. He couldn't keep many secrets for long from his best friend. Neil began to move deeper into the cabin and stopped when he stepped on the pile of quilts on the floor.

"You know there's a cot in the lab."

"I never thought to look there and I didn't know where the key was anyway."

Neil laughed lightly and softly. "A locked door has never stopped you before."

"Okay, I didn't want to look for a bed. I felt uncomfortable being here when no one knew where you were. I felt like I was intruding."

"Christy, you are never intruding here. Although, you would have defended this cabin quite well for feeling uncomfortable in it." He chuckled lightly again and I couldn't help but join in. I must have been a sight. "Come, why don't you sleep on the cot."

"No, I'm fine on the floor. You need the rest more than me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I wasn't doing a great job at sleeping anyway before you came."

"Come with me then." I looked at him slack-jawed. What exactly was he implying with that comment? He sensed my puzzlement and hastily corrected the situation.

"I mean outside, to do some star gazing. I'm not tired either. I'm not that sort of fellow, if your thinking I meant something else."

A soft "oh," was all I could summon from my mouth. Neil bent down and plucked up a quilt. I took the quilt from his hand and wrapped it around me. Neil led the way into the back yard and stopped several yards from the door. I followed, pulling the door slightly shut to allow enough light for us to find our way back inside.

"Look straight up and tell me what you see."

"I see the Milky Way. Oh Neil, the stars here are so bright. They're so close I could almost touch them."

"Aye, they appear so. There's a Cherokee legend that says a great dog descended from the sky at night to steal the villagers cornmeal. So the villagers decided to wait and see what exactly was stealing the cornmeal. They waited one night and sure enough the dog came back, so they frightened it off. As it ran away, the cornmeal trailed out behind it all the way into the night sky."

"That's a neat legend."

"There's another about a beautiful woman who was taken from her village by a jealous god. He was so smitten with her beauty, he had to have her all to himself. He intended for her to marry him but she refused for she loved another. He grew angry and imprisoned her in a dark castle far away in the sky with one lone window for her to look out. At night she would cry for her love. She wept for him so frequently that a goddess took pity on her and cast a spell on her tears. 'For each tear you cry, it will become a stone. And the stones will build a bridge from heaven to the earth and your bonny lad shall ride across that bridge and take you home again.' One by one, the stone tears piled up night after night and built that winding bridge. True to the goddess' words, her bonny lad rode across the bridge and took her home as his wife. But not before the god who had taken her away in the first place consented. He knew he could never have her and so he relented, but he left the bridge there in the sky should she ever want to come back."

Neil was standing behind me, I could feel his warm breath on my hair and neck. I stood looking up at the sky for a few moments, letting the words from Neil's beautiful story float through my mind. At last I lowered my head and swayed on my feet. I had stared up into the sky for so long that I was dizzy. I leaned back into Neil's arms.

"Easy. Just stand here for a second or two and the dizziness shall pass." I leaned back against him and relaxed against his chest.

"That was a truly beautiful tale. Where did you hear it?"

"A long time ago, Starlight."

"Why do you call me Starlight, Neil? I always thought of starlight as cold and distant."

"I call you Starlight because you're always there. See the stars are always in the sky, you just can't see them for the sun during the day or because clouds get in the way. They are always there, like you. No matter where I am or what I try to do, you're there with me. You haunt me more than Margaret ever could. Let's go back inside before you freeze."

We went back inside. Neil built up the fire and I settled down again on my rumpled pile of quilts. Neil went to the cot in his laboratory. I tried to go to sleep but found I could not. My feelings were too restless. I was no longer concerned with the situation at the mission. It seemed that Neil had stirred some new feeling inside of me. One I had never felt before and it was mystery to me. One thing I knew for sure, I had a sort of aching pain when I was near him or when I was away from him.

A/N: This is for those who needed another chapter. The Cherokee legend is a real one. It is based on a retelling of the tale by Barbara Warren. The other legend is out of my own head, but it sounds like it could be real. And yes, I know, we some times want Neil to be _that kind of guy_, but it wouldn't be right.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Christy. I mean no harm by this work of Fan fiction or copyright infringment. I seek no profit. This is soley to entertain me and my readers. This work contains themes from the book, tv series and movies. Any resemblance to another fan fic work is coincedental.

A/N: At long last here is a new chapter. I hope you enjoy it! I finally got unstuck and found my direction again.

Chapter 11

I awoke to footsteps crossing the puncheon cabin floor. I rubbed my eyes and Margaret's slim figure came into focus. Hastily, I sprang to my feet and winced as I stepped forward. Sleeping on the rough floor made me stiff and sore in spots. Margaret continued wrapping herself up in her scarves like she hadn't seen my sudden movements.

"Margaret, where are you going?"

"I have to get back to Mother. She should have came for us by now. Don't tell me you're not concerned in the slightest."

"It's not like her to do something like that but these past few months, no one has been acting like they used to. I should be getting back too."

"No Christy, I need to help Mother. I owe it to her for all the terrible things I've done."

"I can't stay here, Margaret."

"Why not?"

"Neil came back last night."

"Well then hurry up and let's go."

I picked up the pile of quilts and tossed them into the nearest chair and grabbed my coat. Outside, I helped a struggling Margaret saddle Prince. I made ready to walk along beside them. Margaret looked down from the saddle in aggravation.

"Christy, you aren't seriously going to walk back to the mission at a time like this? It will take us forever. Give me your hand and ride behind me or else go get Neil's horse."

I hesitated a minute and the aggravated look on Margaret's face deepened. I took her hand and pulled myself up behind her. As soon as I had settled in, she kicked Prince into a slow gallop. I knew she had been feeling poorly of late, so her sudden strength and resolve surprised me. We hadn't gotten very far when I heard hoof beats rapidly threatening to overtake us. Margaret had heard them too and gave Prince a little more reign. The pursuing horse and rider soon overtook us and forced us to stop. I peered around Margaret's shoulder and saw that Neil had followed us.

"Get out of my way. This isn't any business of yours, Neil."

"It's not yours either."

"Alice can fight her own battles with that man."

"I need to help her. For once in my life, I'm finally trying to do the right thing and there you are trying to stop me."

"Neil, just let her do what she wants this time. I can't say I disagree with her. You said yourself last night that you would not let Dr. Ferrand destroy this mission over some petty behavior." I could see his face show signs of relenting and so did Margaret. I felt her foot move to urge Prince forward. I grasped her waist tightly as we rushed forward to the mission.

Margaret slowed Prince as we neared the porch. Neil was not far behind. We found Miss Alice setting by herself at the dining room table. She regarded our trio with red-rimmed eyes. Margaret went to her mother's side. She looked so compassionate that I scarcely could believe Margaret was the same person of the weeks before.

"Mother, what happened?"

"He would not let me speak. He said that he was closing this mission down until he could find suitable replacements for the whole lot of us. He went upstairs and I haven't seen him since." Margaret grasped her mother affectionately. Behind me, I heard Neil let out an agitated huff.

"This time the man has gone too far."

"What do you mean this time, Neil?" I turned to look at him and waited for him to explain.

"During his last visit he accused you of ruining his mission and I had to set him straight. I couldn't believe that a supposed man of God could throw around such unfounded judgments. I couldn't let him do that to you. The man didn't even take the time to get to know you."

I was stunned. Dr. Ferrand's last visit had been nearly a year ago. Neil defended me against his rash judgment and here I was oblivious to it all. I knew Dr. Ferrand had not liked me but I hadn't realized he had been that close to sending me away. So that was why Neil disliked the man even more. I glanced over at Margaret and Miss Alice. The look in Margaret's eyes took me by surprise. She strode purposefully to the bottom of the stairs.

"Dr. Ferrand, come down here now! I want a word with you!" Her voice was much stronger than I would have expected. She waited several moments. Dr. Ferrand did not appear.

"You're going to hear what I have to say whether you like it or not!" Margaret stormed up the stairs, leaving the rest of us to look on in disbelief. Moments later her voice rang throughout the upper floor of the mission house.

"How dare you hold my mother accountable for something she had no control over? You didn't even give her a chance to explain! She was a child when she had me. A _child_! Someone used her for his own purpose. He mislead her under the guise of religion and took advantage of her! I find it _amazing_ that she turned her life to missionary work after an incident like that. And yet _you_ have the gall to blame _her _for trusting a person most of us would trust as well! She is not perfect and neither are you, Jacob Ferrand! You claim to love her and you turn your back on her the instant she shows an imperfection. That's not love. I don't call myself a Christian, but I do remember a Bible verse from long ago, 'Let ye without sin cast the first stone,". Get down there right _now_ and throw her out from this mission if you are more perfect than God! I dare you!"

Margaret's voice broke and she began to cough. Neil and I raced up the stairs with a dazed Miss Alice following behind. Neil reached for Margaret's shoulder as she leaned against the door frame, coughing.

"Let me finish, please." Margaret gasped out as she shrugged Neil away from her. "I have judged her too. I blamed her for abandoning me to do the Lord's work. I accused her of loving other people more than me, giving more of herself to them than me. I was wrong. She did nothing but love me, even when I didn't deserve it. She isn't perfect and neither am I. Neither are you. She is doing good work here. Don't shut this place down just because we all can't live to your exacting standards." Margaret's words were becoming more labored. "I was wrong about her and so are you."

Margaret turned away from the yet unopened door to her own. She went inside and laid down on the bed. Neil followed swiftly.

"I'm fine Neil. Let me alone. I just need to rest." Neil backed away from her bed, silently. Miss Alice and I stood by the door. Miss Alice approached the bed and held her daughter's hand tightly. As she moved to set down on the edge of the bed, Neil touched my shoulder lightly and nodded to the door. We went out of the room and downstairs.

"Why didn't you tell me what Dr. Ferrand said last year?"

"You already knew he disliked you and I hated to upset you anymore. It wasn't necessary after all, your actions convinced him more than I did. You have a way of doing that, you know."

I smiled at him softly. We sat down in the parlor and waited for anything to happen next. Several minutes dragged by and then we heard footfalls on the stairs. Neil rose from his chair as Dr. Ferrand entered the room.

"And what interest do you have in this matter, Dr. MacNeill?"

"I can attest to Alice's good works here. Closing this mission down would be detrimental to this community."

Dr. Ferrand nodded his head stiffly. "I do remember that you brought to my attention my harsh judgment of this young lady last year. This year I find myself making the same mistakes again. I suppose you agree with her daughter?"

"Yes I do agree, with my wife, for once."

"Your wife?"

"If it wasn't for our marriage, Alice would never have come to Cutter Gap and never been involved with your mission."

Dr. Ferrand regarded Neil's comment silently. He rubbed his hand roughly against his chin and sighed.

"What a fine mess I've made."

Neil looked like he was ready to interject a comment but I shot him a harsh look. He stopped when he caught my eye. I could tell Dr. Ferrand was feeling remorseful about his actions, Neil did not need to deepen the turmoil much as I thought Dr. Ferrand might deserve it.

"Where's Alice?"

"Upstairs in Margaret's room. Margaret has tuberculosis and her outburst has her worn out." Dr. Ferrand nodded his understanding and went back upstairs.

Neil sat back down and turned to me. "If it wasn't for Alice following us to Cutter Gap, you wouldn't be here either. Much as I might resent my marriage, good can still come from it."

I smiled at Neil as Dr. Ferrand and Miss Alice joined us.

"Alice, I am deeply sorry for how I acted. It was inexcusable but here I am asking for your forgiveness."

"Thee has it, Jacob."

"I will make amends for my wrongness. Not only will I keep this mission open, I will serve as Reverend until a suitable replacement can be found for David. I will make this gross injustice of mine up to you, Alice. My offer of marriage still stands. I could not find a more worthy woman than you to be my wife."

"Jacob, I do not know how to answer you."

"Please don't answer me yet. Take your time and answer me later."

"And I want to tell thee my whole story from the very beginning. Will you listen?"

"I will. Let's go on a ride and discuss this further."

When they had left, I left out my tangled emotions. I sat down in the dining room half- chuckling and sobbing at the same time. Neil looked down at me with deep concern.

"I'm sorry Neil. It's just that I am so relieved and worried and happy. I'll be fine in a minute." He handed me his handkerchief.

"Aye, I don't know how I would have reacted if Ferrand had made good on his word. I'm relieved too." He gave my shoulder a quick squeeze. "I'd better get my bags and check on Margaret. For all the harm her outburst caused her, it did a world of good."


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Christy, just borrowing the characters to play in my story. I don't seek profit just entertainment.

Chapter 12

"I'm really sorry, Mother I can't make it home this year for Thanksgiving. I know you're disappointed but I really can't get away right now. I'm needed here because we're a bit short staffed."

I sighed as soon as Mother asked the dreaded question. Where was Reverend Grantland? I took a deep breath.

"He left unexpectedly earlier this month and hasn't been replaced yet." It wasn't a lie, just an omission of truth. David had left unexpectedly but Mother didn't need to know the reason. Otherwise, she would be on the first train here and drag me back to Asheville. I could not be separated from here like that. I held my breath, waiting for her to probe me with more questions on David's "mysterious" disappearance. None came.

I hung up the telephone moments later. I was sorry to spend Thanksgiving here. I wanted to see how Daddy was recovering from his stroke. I knew he was much improved but I still wanted to see him for myself. Hopefully, we would have a new preacher in time for me to go home for Christmas.

I looked out of the parlor window to the leaden gray clouds drooping down to touch the mountains with their ethereal hands. The mission house was quiet. Miss Alice had taken up her normal routine again and Dr. Ferrand was out somewhere fixing something I was certain. Ruby Mae had said she was going to Bessie's, but I knew the two of them were going over to the Allen's. Ruby could just ask to go to the Allen's. It wasn't a secret that she had a blossoming crush on Rob.

Margaret was having a bad day. Since her dramatic defense of her mother, she seemed to cycle through several days where she was quite well and days that were the opposite. Miss Alice and I waited for Neil to complete his regular examinations of her hoping she was improving. Each time Neil entered the room from the examination, his face told us all we needed to know. Margaret was dying. Neil would never say how long she had but I got the distinct feeling she wouldn't make it through the winter. Just when she seemed to be finding her way. It seemed unfair that she should be taken away from us. I had to remind myself that it was part of God's plan and though it did not make sense right now, eventually the reason would be known.

A slight movement on the side porch shook me from my thoughts. I went to see who was there. I didn't expect Ruby Mae back until later in the afternoon. Perhaps it was Dr. Ferrand. Or Neil. As I got to the door, I saw someone duck around the corner.

"Hello? Anybody there?" The figure stopped and rounded the corner, back into my vision. The man looked familiar but I couldn't place him. He stood tall and straight with a rifle strapped to his back. At first I thought he was one of Bird's Eye partners, but I did not feel uneasy. This man reflected a silent steadiness and calmness that I had only known Miss Alice to posses.

"Hello, ma'am. I'm Billy Long." He took off his hat revealing a mane of gold tinged brown waves and nodded politely in my direction.

"I'm sorry I didn't recognize you. You helped us out so much last year. I don't think I got a chance to thank you. I was distracted at the time."

"Yes, Neil said your father was ill. I hope he recovered?"

"Yes, he did, thank you. Were you looking for Neil?"

"No, I was looking for Alice."

"She's at Cataleechie this week. Can I help you?" I heard Margaret coughing just then. "Come inside please. I need to go check on her. Billy stepped inside while I went upstairs to see if Margaret needed anything.

Minutes later, I rejoined Billy in the kitchen. He had made himself comfortable in a chair in a unassuming way, like he belonged to the space.

"She's dying."

"Yes. How did you know?"

"The story is written there on your face." His frankness unsettled me some. Then again, he was a friend of Neil's and directness was to be expected.

"She always had the look of a fire that burns brightly for a short time and fades."

"You know Margaret?"

"I met her and Neil shortly after they returned to Cutter Gap."

"What were they like back then?"

"That's not my story to tell." Billy rose as if to leave.

"Wait, don't go. What did you need Miss Alice for?"

"I wanted to know if she needed any game to feed the families here. If you'll pass on the message I'd be grateful."

"I'm sure we could always use some extra. We are having a community dinner this year. You're welcome to join us."

"Thank you for your invitation." He nodded at me and went to the door. "I'll come by next week to see Alice. Watch for the Raven Mocker when she goes."

I stood with door wide open and stared after Billy Long. He quickly disappeared into the undergrowth. I couldn't help but wonder at his words. What on earth was a Raven Mocker?


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Christy. I seek no profit from this and intend no harm. This is a work of fan fiction.

A/N: Sorry it took me awhile to get this one out. It's extra long to make up for the puny previous chapter. Strange tidbit here. I started writing this one last Friday at about one o'clock. That means it was started on a Friday the 13th in the thirteenth hour and is the thirteenth installment of this story. Neat.

Chapter 13

Billy Long's enigmatic warning about the Raven Mocker puzzled me the rest of the day. I waited restlessly for Neil to arrive at the mission house so he could explain this mystery to me. The heavy gray clouds were growing thicker and swallowing the mountain tops as the lowered from the sky. I watched them, entranced by their movement, from the parlor window. I wondered if they would bring rain or snow. Though it was nearly too early in the season for snow, the weather had become increasingly colder since Dr. Ferrand's arrival. I smiled ruefully at my thoughts. I did not think that the swift arrival of cold weather and Dr. Ferrand were entirely coincidental. He was a bit more thoughtful than he was before Margaret's defense of her mother but he was still prone to particularness and rash judgments. I got out my sketch book and tried to capture the starkness of the late autumn splendor. Try as I might I could not capture the subtleties of the shades of gray, white and brown of the landscape with my sketching pencils. I needed charcoals to correctly portray the shadows of autumn. I sighed and closed my sketch book as the front door opened. The familiar figure entered the room carrying his saddle bags.

"Good afternoon, Miss Huddleston. Are you alone this afternoon?" Ever since Dr. Ferrand's decision to stay until a suitable replacement for David could be found, Neil and I had become increasingly formal. I hated to be that way toward him but there was no alternative. Should Dr. Ferrand pick up on the slightest tones of any romantic notions or close friendship between us, I doubt he could be persuaded yet again to keep my position here.

"For the moment, I am. I would have thought Ruby Mae would be back by now. I guess the walk from the Allens' must be longer than from Bessie's."

"So she's being a little deceptive about her whereabouts, is she?"

"Yes and it worries me some. I don't want her to get involved in something she's not ready for."

"And just what might that be, Miss Huddleston?"

I felt my checks reddening. He knew exactly what I meant by that statement. Why did he always have to goad me into saying things I'd rather not say. "You know perfectly well what I mean Dr. MacNeill."

"What do you intend on telling her about the birds and the bees?"

I stammered for a second. What could I tell Ruby Mae? "Perhaps Miss Alice or Margaret would have that talk with her instead." Not wanting to dwell on the subject any longer, I changed the topic.

"Billy Long was by earlier today. He said something that left me, well, intrigued. He told me to keep watch for the Raven Mocker when Margaret dies. Neil, do you know what a Raven Mocker is?"

"You'll have to ask him. He's only told me a few Cherokee legends and that one wasn't one of them. What did he stop by for anyway?"

"He wanted to know if we were in need of game this year. He was actually looking to talk to Miss Alice about that. I'll have to ask him about the Raven Mocker when he comes back next week. I did invite him to the Thanksgiving feast."

"I doubt he'll come. He isn't one for crowds. Do you really think that you can wait until next week to have your answer?"

"I suppose not but I don't know where to find him."

"You'll likely not find him on your own, he'll find you first. He has a cabin near Stoney Hollow, on the west side of Pebble Mountain. How is Margaret today?" Neil seemed eager to get on with his exam.

"She rested well." With a slight nod, Neil started up the stairs.

I stood looking out the window as the first few snowflakes floated down from the heavy gray clouds. The snow soon intensified into a genuine flurry. Through the swirling flakes, I saw Ruby Mae approaching swiftly. In no time she was inside, shaking the snowflakes from her coat and hair.

"I'm really sorry I'm late, Miz Christy. Won't happen again, ye got my word on hit." Ruby Mae looked a bit disheartened as she talked.

"Why Ruby Mae, what happened?"

She took a long sigh and poured out her heartbreak. "I went to Bessie's first, like I said, then I went to the Allens' ta see Rob. I know, I shoulda tole you where I was going and I won't do it again. Ain't no reason to go to the Allens' anymore." Tears were forming in her hazel eyes. "Rob got angry and tole me to stop following him around like a lost pup and leave him alone."

"Ruby Mae, I'm sure he didn't mean it quite like that.."

"He did."

"Just give him sometime to cool off. I'm sure he'll apologize and want to spend time with you."

"What if he don't?"

"Well then it wasn't meant to be."

Ruby Mae started crying in earnest now. Apparently, my words of comfort had the opposite effect. I took the poor girl in my arms. A phrase my mother had once said to me after I had my heartbroken by a crush came to my mind. Somehow telling Ruby Mae that there were others boys out there for her didn't seem right. There weren't all that many boys her age. I wracked my mind for some other encouragement for her.

"There's an old saying that goes 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'. He just needs a little time alone, I'm sure. Besides, I was worried you were getting into something you aren't old enough to understand."

Ruby Mae lifted her head from my shoulder and looked at me puzzled. "Yer only five years older than me, what don't I understand?"

"Ah, well, there's some actions that have, uh, consequences that you aren't quite old enough to handle." Still Ruby Mae didn't understand. I searched for a delicate way to say what I wanted.

"What Miss Huddleston is trying to say is, she was worried about having to hold a shotgun wedding for you."

"Dr. MacNeill!" I turned to look at him as he descended the stairs. "You could have put it a little more tactfully."

"Sometimes you have to be direct in an explanation, otherwise it leads to confusion."

"Oh no sir! I won't have no shotgun wedding atall. Ain't that type of girl." Ruby Mae clearly understood what Neil had said to her.

"See what I mean. I have to be on my way. I have a few more patients to check on before it gets much darker. Good afternoon, ladies." He put on his hat, shrugged on his coat and went out the door.

"Come on Ruby Mae, we best get started on dinner. I'm sure Dr. Ferrand will be back before dark and we don't want him waiting."

"No ma'am. He gets right tetchy ifn he has ta wait fer something."

We headed for the kitchen to prepare dinner, laughing at some of Dr. Ferrand's eccentricities.

* * * * * *

Sunday after church, I decided to look for Billy Long. The snow yesterday had only left a light coating on the recently fallen leaves, giving the landscape a magically look. Stepping down from the mission house porch, I hesitated for a moment. I wondered if I should take Prince but decided against it. I wasn't exactly sure where Stoney Hollow was and didn't want my uncertainty to be picked up by Prince. He often became nervous and hard to control when the rider was indecisive. It made wonder still how he had not thrown me during my wild October ride. I set off on foot in the direction of the O'Teale cabin. Just a little piece west of their cabin was MacDonald Gap, a small gap that nearly separated Pebble mountain in two. From there, I didn't have a clue in which direction I would find Stoney Hollow.

By noon I had reached MacDonald Gap. The previously brilliant sun was hidden in heavy gray clouds again and the wind was blowing directly in my face. I tucked behind a rock ledge to shelter myself from the wind. I pushed some hair from my face and readjusted my scarf tighter around my neck and head. Determined to continue in my quest, I rounded the ledge and walked into the wind.

I hadn't gotten very far, when I heard some branches crunching under a heavy weight. As far as I knew this area was uninhabited. I turned to see if someone was following me, fearing the return of the moonshiners. I screamed as I saw a large black bear rise up on its hind legs not more than thirty feet behind me. Not knowing what to do next, I backed up very slowly. I stopped when I had my back against the trunk of a tree. The bear took two steps toward me.

"Some one, help me! Please!" I tried to scream as loud as I could but the wind seemed to carry my voice away.

The bear was back on all fours now, sniffing the air in great snorts. It took a few more lumbering steps toward me again. I pressed myself closer to the tree, gloved hands grasping uselessly at its bark. I felt another scream rising in my throat

A crack from a rifle followed by loud whoop startled me and the bear. Breathlessly , I clung tighter to my tree as the bear ran off down the trail.

"It's alright now. He's gone."

Shaking, I peered around the tree to see who had frightened the bear away. I let out a long quavering sigh as I saw Billy Long standing several yards behind me. I swayed as I stepped from the tree and Billy rushed toward me and grasped my hand firmly.

"Are you alright Miss Huddleston?" His face was searching mine.

"I'm fine now. Just getting my heart to start beating again."

"The bear was more frightened of you."

"Really? It sure didn't look like it. Aren't they supposed to be hibernating by now?"

"You probably passed by its den site and startled it. They don't enter into deep sleep until later in December, if it's cold enough. You're a long way from the mission house."

"I was looking for you, actually. I wanted to find out what a Raven Mocker is and I couldn't wait until you came back to ask you."

"Curiosity nearly killed the schoolmarm." He smiled at me warmly as an icy blast of wind tore through the gap.

"I'm too impulsive for my own good." I shivered again.

"Come on. You need to warm up some. My cabin is not too far." He turned and I followed him.

Billy led the way through the gap. From there, we followed a narrow trail that went back up the mountain side a short distance and then wound its way back down into a broad hollow. I probably would never have found it on my own. Startling that bear had been a very fortunate thing after all. The cabin in the hollow was very small, even by Cove standards, but very neat and well kept. A small stream flowed several yards away from the cabin. Billy held out his hand to help me cross the stream. On the downhill side of the cabin was a small stable but it was slightly larger than the cabin.

Once inside the cabin, Billy stoked the fire and handed me a wool blanket. I wrapped the blanket gratefully around me and settled by the hearth. I studied the cabin's interior while Billy retrieved something from the porch. There was one bed in the corner to my right, neatly made with homespun cloth. A small table and two chairs stood on the opposite side of the cabin. The floor was covered by a bear skin and a chair and low stool set near the hearth. The cabin had one tiny window by the door. Unlike most cabins, there wasn't a back door. I assumed this was because it clung so tightly to the walls of the hollow. I looked up as the cabin door opened.

"Would you like something to eat? I have some bean bread." He offered me a plate with what looked like ordinary cornbread speckled with brown beans. Hesitantly, I took a small piece and tasted it. It tasted similar to cornbread but a bit sweeter. It was certainly different.

"So are you going to tell me about the Raven Mocker?"

Billy smiled at me as he sat down in the chair and propped his boots up on the stool. "You're very persistent, aren't you?"

"Sometimes, I suppose. I wouldn't want to have walked all that way, nearly been eaten by a bear and still not have my answer."

"The bear wouldn't have eaten you."

"Why wouldn't it have?"

"The tree you were clinging to was a cedar tree. It's a sacred tree to the Cherokee."

"Oh."

"Alright, I'll tell you about the Raven Mocker. The Cherokee believe that there are witches and the Raven Mocker is the worst one. In its human form it appears harmless enough. They often appear to be a very frail and very old man or woman, although they are seldom seen. They rob the dying of their hearts. The age of the person determines the number of years they add to their own life. They do their work by night, transforming themselves into sparking raven-like creatures. Normally, no one can see them except the dying and those who have the right medicine. They enter the room unseen and torment the dying. Then in the person's last moments they steal the heart and eat it to consumes the soul's years, unnoticed by anyone. Sometimes they can be heard. They make a sound like a raven or sometimes a gust of strong wind. If they are seen by anyone in their true form, they die seven days later. Sometimes if there is a person with the right medicine present, it is enough to keep the Raven Mocker away because they do not wish to be seen for what they truly are."

I shuddered, remembering how awful the ravens sounded on my trip into Cutter Gap with Ben Pentland. "It's a myth, isn't it?"

"To you I suppose, it would be. To those who are Cherokee, it is very real."

I sat quietly for a few moments, contemplating the story. I really didn't know what to think of it. I did find the idea of a Raven Mocker cruel and gruesome. "Is Margaret in real danger?"

"Perhaps, perhaps not. There may be enough of the right medicine to ward off the Raven Mocker."

I studied Billy more closely. He had an air of mystery about him as well as the same serenity that Miss Alice had on occasions. I was very intrigued by him. I wanted to know more about him.

"Billy, why did your family stay here?"

"My grandfather wasn't born when the removal came but he knew the story well. His mother dreamed of the death that was to come to our people. In her dreams she saw a cabin built high in the mountains were no one could find her new family, she saw her husband paying the cabin's current inhabitants. If they owned their own private land, they could not be moved So that is how my family stayed. The rest of my family is Scots-Irish or German like many other families here. My grandfather married Ada Stuart just before the War Between the States. Her family severed ties with her and moved to Kansas. Because my grandmother always mourned for her family my father was named Jeremiah Long, so he would not suffer the term half-breed. Though he did not have a Cherokee name, my father learned the ways of his father's people and he taught me the same."

"Your family had a lot of courage."

"Everyone has courage. It takes a wise person to use it correctly. It is late now. I should take you back to the mission. We'll take my horse."

I waited inside while Billy got the horse. He had barely been gone more than five minutes when he came back into collect me. Exiting the cabin, I saw the reason why the horse had been readied so quickly. The gorgeous buckskin colored horse had no saddle, only a bridle. It had been one thing to learn to ride astride when I was used to riding side saddle. Riding bareback was something I was not sure of at all.

Billy had mounted the horse with great ease, while I hesitated. I approached the horse cautiously.

"Take my hand and use my foot like you would a stirrup. Trust me and the horse."

I took a deep breath and did as instructed. I clasped Billy's jacket tightly as the horse moved, crunching snow covered leaves beneath its hooves. Riding without a saddle was such a new experience for me that I soon found myself with my arms wrapped around Billy to keep from falling off.

A/N: The Raven Mocker is an actual Cherokee story. I hope I have used it in correctly here.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Standard and previous disclaimers apply here. No profit is sought for this work.

A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting. Will try to post as much as real life allows me in the next couple of weeks.

Chapter 14

I grasped Billy Long's thick jacket tighter on our chilly ride through the late autumn twilight to the mission house. The wind was blowing up and down the sides of the mountains in gusty gales now. In my room at the mission, were I there, the wind would sound like a chorus of women weeping or singing alternately. On one of my first nights at the mission, I was struck by these 'voices' on the wind. One minute it sounded profoundly sad and full of longing and the next like an ethereal song of joy and happiness from a heavenly choir. The usual charm of the wind was lost on me now. The icy wind lashed at my face as we moved briskly into its frosty talons. I leaned closer into Billy and pressed my face against his broad back to keep the wind from stinging my cheeks and eyes.

We arrived at the mission just as the last light faded. Dr. Ferrand and Neil were on the porch in seconds, hearing the arrival of a horse in the mission yard. I raised my head and was met by their concerned but relieved gazes.

"Miss Huddleston, Neil and I were just debating about whether or not to go out and look for you. It seems I was right after all, you would find your way back. With some assistance I see. Now both of you come inside before you freeze to death."

Dr. Ferrand's warm welcome was a little unusual; I had expected a full reprimand of my actions from him, perhaps that would come later. Billy dismounted and reached up to help me from his horse. As soon as Billy's hands left my waist, I caught Neil's glance. Some clouded emotion swept over his face but he turned to go inside before I could make out the emotion. I was sure this 'debate' he and Dr. Ferrand had not gone in Neil's favor and that was most likely the reason for his reaction.

Once inside in the warmth and out of the frigid winds grasp, I introduced Billy to Dr. Ferrand. From the kitchen, Miss Alice appeared carrying a tray with warm apple cider.

"Billy Long, it is a pleasure to meet thee again. I see thee have brought our wayward Miss Huddleston back to us."

"Yes Ma'am, I did. Saved her from a hungry bear too." Billy grinned as he took a mug of steaming cider from the proffered tray.

"A hungry bear? Miss Huddleston, your propinquity to trouble is remarkable. How do you find yourself in this situations?"

"Jacob, thee shouldn't chide her so. I'm sure trouble found her in this case." Miss Alice soothed

"It appeared so. I, mean the bear was looking for her and not the other way around."

"Billy, you said that bear wasn't going to eat me." The notion that the bear really was going to harm me made me sway on my feet again. Dr. Ferrand was right for once. My propinquity for trouble _was _remarkable. The incident with the bear was my third or fourth brush with mortality. That was enough to last me a lifetime.

"Sit down child and rest." Miss Alice guided me to a nearby chair. A concerned look came to Billy's face. He knelt down by my chair.

"The bear wasn't going to eat you, I was just being dramatic with your encounter with wildlife. I didn't mean to scare you all over again, Miss Huddleston." The light from the lamps made the gold color of Billy's hair glow more intensely.

"Mr. Long, you shouldn't feel compelled to embellish my story in the slightest. I'm okay now and you don't have to keep calling me Miss Huddleston. Call me Christy."

"Alright Christy." He offered his hand and I shook it in a gracious gesture of friendship.

"Well then young lady, what exactly did happen during your ill timed excursion? Let's move into the parlor and hear the whole story."

At Dr. Ferrand's instance, we moved into the parlor where I told my tale. I omitted the real reason as to why I was looking for Billy. Miss Alice did not need to hear about a Raven Mocker. Billy described how he heard my plaintive cries nearly drowned out by the wind and came to my rescue. Dr. Ferrand and Miss Alice listened intently to the story while Neil stared into the fire with quiet intensity. At the closing of our telling of the bear incident, Neil could only comment a little sourly that I was like a damsel in distress out of a Grimm's' fairytale. I stared at him after he made this comment but his gaze never met mine. He couldn't be jealous that _he_ wasn't the one to rescue me. Male pride was a touchy thing.

"I should get back to my own cabin now before it snows again." Billy stood to go.

"Snow again? The sky was clearing just a few minutes ago when you arrived, Mr. Long." Dr. Ferrand's logical mind could not grasp the intuitive nature of Billy Long's.

"The wind will die down soon and it will cloud over again. Some time before dawn, I expect it'll snow. Not a lot, just enough to make everything white again."

"Would thee join us this Thursday for a Thanksgiving feast?" Miss Alice asked.

"I had been invited once before, so I'd best take this offer. Are you in need of game this year?"

"It would be most appreciated. We aren't in dire need like last year but need will always be here. Thank thee for thy kindness Bill Long and for returning Miss Huddleston to us safely."

Billy nodded and went out into the moonlit night. My nose caught the peculiar crispness in the air that signaled snow. Dr. Ferrand would soon see that Billy was right.

"I'd best be on my way as well. Goodnight all." Neil prepared to leave. Miss Alice and Dr. Ferrand busied themselves in the kitchen with the used mugs.

"Neil is something wrong?"

He half chuckled at my question. "Never better. Why'd you ask?"

"No reason, really. You've just been quiet since I've been back."

"I haven't got anything to say."

"That's it? I thought you and Dr. Ferrand were arguing before Billy and I came back."

"We were. He didn't want to go look for you and I did. Billy got you back safe instead, so the story has a happy ending.'

"I just thought you'd have more to say. Aren't you and Billy friends?"

Neil turned away from me to get his saddlebags. "I thought so."

"What did you say?"

"I said, 'We are". Now, I bid you a pleasant evening, Miss Huddleston." He smiled at me but his Scottish brogue and smile seemed a bit forced for some reason. He opened the door and went out to the stables for Charlie. I shut the door after him, puzzled. Had I done something to upset him? I was too tired to figure it out so I said goodnight to Miss Alice and went to bed.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Christy belongs to the Marshall-LeSourd family. I have borrowed the characters for my own amusement and seek no profit for this work, only for entertainment of myself and others.

Chapter 15

I felt the faint warmth of cloud-filtered sunlight on my face. I scrunched my eyes shut tighter, willing the sun away. I burrowed deeper into the pleasing coziness of the quilts piled on my bed, enjoying the luxury of not having to rise so early for school. I lingered in the haze between wakefulness and sleep for several moments longer before I was jolted upright by a loud crash, followed by the shattering of glass or porcelain, which it was I could not tell.

"Ruby Mae! What in Heaven's name are you doing?" The masculine bellow reverberated through the mission. I flung the quilts off and swung my feet down to meet the icy floor. The tepid sunlight belied the actual temperature as I hastened across the freezing floor and hurried to dress. I chided myself on the way down the stairs for selfishly sleeping in when I should have gotten up sooner to help with the Thanksgiving meal preparations.

At the bottom of the steps, I could hear sobbing from the parlor and dishes and pots rattling from the kitchen. I peered around the corner into the kitchen, to determine which room to be the safest to enter.

"Good morning, Miss Huddleston. How nice of you to finally join us."

"Good morning, Dr. Ferrand. Ahh, is there anything, I can help with?" I ventured timidly. His bristly tone always weakened any courage and resolve I might have.

Thrusting a broom angrily into my hands, he turned to go deeper into the kitchen where Miss Alice was preparing a large turkey for the oven. "Clean up this horrendous mess and then stay out of the way until Mrs. Spencer arrives. Perhaps she can find something trivial for you to do. We can't have anything spoiled today." Dr. Ferrand flung over his shoulder as he lifted the large roaster from the table to place it in the waiting oven.

I gripped the broom handle savagely as I went about sweeping up the broken jars of jam and sorghum. I had a feeling I should have just stayed in bed a few minutes longer. After I had swept the floor clear of the glass shards, I attacked the sticky mess with a wet rag. Poor Ruby Mae. I really could feel for the girl. Dr. Ferrand still had a way of putting everyone's nerves on edge when he was around. Everyone, except Miss Alice. Perhaps she really did love this man, despite his faults.

As soon as I had cleared the mess, I fled quietly into the parlor. Ruby Mae had flung herself onto the settee and Margaret, perched on its edge, had placed a gentle soothing hand on the girl's shoulders. For the first time, I could see in Margaret a glimmer of her mother's spirit, a serenity and compassion that came from somewhere deep inside. I couldn't help but stare at the girl and the older woman as I entered the room. This is what Margaret should have been, a mother comforting a boisterous redheaded child, I thought as a pang of guilt stung my heart. Yes, Neil and Margaret should have had children, much I as I hated to admit it to myself.

A shuffle of boots, stirred me from my thoughts. Glancing to a chair by the fire, I saw Billy Long looking uncomfortable. I had been captivated by Ruby Mae and Margaret looking so much like a mother and daughter that I had not noticed anyone else in the room.

"Good morning Billy. It's nice to see you here. I suppose you had something to do with that magnificent turkey I saw being hoisted into the oven?" I ventured a guess, sounding much more pleasant and charming than I felt at the moment.

"Yep, got it yesterday." Billy was also trying hard to sound friendly. I silently prayed that someone would show up soon to enliven the dying celebratory mood Dr. Ferrand had managed to crush with his brusque manner.

I sighed and made my way toward a window, searching my mind for something to say to lighten the mood and to look for any other earlier visitors. Through the foggy window, I saw the scenery was still white from the snow that Billy had predicted days earlier.

"Billy, how did you know that it was going to snow a few days ago?" I asked softly without turning from the window.

"There's a couple of signs. Have you ever seen a halo around the moon on a cloudless night?"

I turned from the window with my brow furrowed in thought. "I think so."

"Well that halo's a sure sign of clouds to come at the very least. Sometimes you can tell by the clouds themselves or the wind. Even the air itself smells and tastes different."

My eyes flew wide at Billy's last statement. "When I was living in Asheville, I never noticed how the air seems crisper, fresher and purer when there's going to be snow. It's something I've only noticed since I came here."

"I can't imagine you could smell anything right in a city with all the coal and wood smoke from hundreds of different fireplaces and the trains."

"Well there were some things that did smell good and weren't tainted by smoke or dust. Like honeysuckle,grapes, and roses from Grandma Rudd's garden in the summer. So you've been to a city?"

"Once. It was a long time ago. I went to Knoxville with my father when I was a boy. I sometimes find it hard to believe you are a city gal."

"Really?"

"Except for the bear incident and how you dress and how you talk."

"You know, I was thinking the same thing to myself. Since the first time we met, you have changed a great deal Christy." Margaret murmured softly. "You've lost some of that city polish and picked up a mountain glow, something more beautiful and real."

I felt a faint blush creep up my cheeks. Such unabashed compliments from Margaret was unusual. Her admiration for me was very touching.

"What'd I hear abouts a bear?" Ruby Mae sniffed as she lifted her tear-stain face from the settee cushions.

"You don't want to know. It wasn't one of my finer moments. Perhaps Billy can share some other story with us. One that doesn't include me." I hastily replied as I found space for myself on the settee beside Ruby Mae.

Billy grinned widely. "I know the perfect story. Ruby Mae, what do you know about possums?"

"Waal, they make good eatin' and they shore be ugly."

"I'll bet you didn't know that all possums had long, bushy tails like a squirrel's a long time ago."

Ruby Mae looked at Billy suspiciously. "You ain't foolin' me, are ye?"

"Of course not. It was a very long time ago when there weren't many humans around and animals talked."

Within minutes, Billy had the three of us enthralled with his tale of how the possum lost his beautiful tail. Ruby Mae had forgotten about Dr. Ferrand's harsh scolding. Margaret seemed to be lost in thought. I couldn't help but think how Billy's stories would fit wonderfully into a lesson on fables and parables. Oh, how the children would love to hear these tales and I had a new edition of Aesop's upstairs in my room to add to Billy's stories. As Billy finished his story, I could hardly contain my exciting proposal.

"Billy, your stories are so fascinating. I just know my students would love to hear them. Do you think...I mean, would you like to visit our schoolhouse and share them with my students?"

Just as Billy was about to give an answer, the front door opened. Neil stepped aside to let Fairlight and Zady in before him.

"Fairlight, thank goodness you're here! Dr. Ferrand is refusing to let anyone else in the kitchen besides himself or Miss Alice. He scolded Ruby Mae quite soundly too."

"I'll see what I kin d, Christy. Jest you and Ruby Mae wait here, whilst I get on his good side. Zady, you wait here until I call ye or your Pa an the others come along." She hung her worn shawl up on a nearby hook. "Thanks for escortin me an Zady over Doc." She turned determinedly toward the kitchen, ready to do battle with Dr. Ferrand. "Nice to see ye here, Billy." She called over her shoulder as she entered the adjoining room. Billy nodded to her politely.

I turned my attention back to Billy expectantly. "Will you, please?"

"I suppose I could. Do you mind if I wait til spring? It appears that this winter's going to be a cold and snowy one. I don't expect school'll be in session much this winter."

I couldn't help but look crestfallen. "I suppose if it gets too cold or the snow too deep, we won't. I can wait until spring."

"Good. I'll find you when I'm ready. We can't have you becoming bear feed looking for me again."

"I've learned my lesson about bears, I assure you." I looked up to see a dark expression cross Neil's face as he stood at the far side of the room where Ruby Mae and Zady were now happily chatting. The look was so foreign to me I could not decipher what it meant. I rose from my seat to cross the room to him when Fairlight came in.

"Christy, I've got that man's feathers unruffled so you an Ruby Mae can come back in the kitchen. Now I's been given strict orders to keep watch on the both of you an Zady. If ye jest stick close an do what I tells ye, he won't work up a fret again. If-in ye don't, he's libel to ta throw us all out and do things his way. Lord help us all if that happens."

"Fairlight, your powers of persuasion are amazing. I don't know how you do."

"I's got lots of practice. Now come on." She pulled me by the arm into the next room. Ruby Mae and Zady followed close by.

The next few hours flew by without trouble. Jeb and John arrived and had set up a long table that went from the dining room on into the parlor. At the table an odd assortment of chairs and benches were set up. Miss Alice, Ruby Mae and I gathered up all the available china and began to set the table. Mother would have been aghast to see such a mishmash of china patterns and flatware on one table. I knew that even though our table was as varied as a crazy quilt, it was a better place setting than most families here had.

"Miss Alice, Billy Long has agreed to tell some Cherokee legends to the students this spring. I think it's a wonderful idea, don't you? They can learn so much from them and I can incorporate some other tales from Aesop as well." I plunked a slightly chipped plate down on the table and looked up to see Miss Alice smiling at me from across the table.

"Thee is a wonderment, Miss Huddleston. The gears in thy head are always turning and churning out new schemes and dreams for thy students. Thee never ceases to amaze me. It sounds like a splendid idea, indeed." She placed the last plate from her stack on the table and returned to the kitchen with Ruby Mae.

I continued to set the table with my remaining stack of dishes. I looked up as I put the last plate in place to see Neil looking at me grimly. "Might I have a word with you, Miss Huddleston? On the porch?" His words were barely audible.

"Certainly, Dr. MacNeill." I followed him out to the porch, into the freezing air.

"Apparently, I'm no longer welcome in your schoolroom."

My eyes opened wide in astonishment. "Whatever gave you that idea, Neil?"

"I just heard you tell Alice that Billy was going to be assisting you with a lesson."

"Well, yes, but you're always welcome to do a science lesson. You know that. It's just I know you're busy with patients and with Dan's lessons. I don't ask you all that often but whenever you're free just let me know and I can clear some time for you. I asked Billy because I think his stories would be a wonderful learning experience for my students. I didn't mean to put you off. It's just that he has something different and interesting to offer."

"You're quite welcome to go off and find anything different and intriguing. Anything that can hold your interest for some time, I won't stand in your way."

I felt my brow crease in puzzlement. I looked deep into Neil's blue eyes and found them cold and hard. "What are you talking about, Neil? This about something more than my asking Billy to speak to the children, isn't it?" He looked away from me and didn't answer. "Neil, I don't understand what you mean?"

"Well, I understand perfectly well. I am not interesting enough for you anymore. Not enough of a mystery for you to reason out with your odd brand of logic, so you've moved on to something else that's caught your fancy."

My words caught in my throat. I looked at Neil's broad shoulders, silently hoping he'd turn around to face me. I was about to try my voice again, when I saw Dan Scott approaching from the stable yard.

"Howdy, Miss Christy. Doc." He nodded at us both before a troubled look crossed his face. "Did I interrupt something?"

"No, we're finished. I have to get back inside before Dr. Ferrand sends out a search party for me." I replied stiffly as I opened the door to let myself in. I left Dan on the porch with Neil.

"Christy, are you feeling well? You look flushed." Margaret asked as I closed the door behind me.

"I'm fine. I didn't realize how cold it was outside until I came back in. My cheeks always get rosy when I'm out in the cold. I'd better get myself back in the kitchen and get warmed up." I hurried into the kitchen to busy myself and keep from thinking.

A/N: Have no fear, after this gets posted I am working immediately on Chapter 16. However things will be rough for Neil and Christy in the next couple of chapters. The path of true love does not run smoothly but things will work out, I promise, just not right now. Hang in there with them, please.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

At last the massive turkey was lifted from the oven and placed on the food laden table. Dr. Ferrand took his place at the head of the table. After grace was said, he picked up the carving knife. Though I was in no mood for humor, I couldn't help but think that Dr. Ferrand looked slightly maniacal as he cut into the turkey. I scanned the faces at the table to keep myself from laughing. The cold had kept several families away, namely the Holcombes, Holts, and Becks but every other family was present, even the O'Teales. I had seated myself as far away from Neil as I could. I took a seat in between Mountie and Becky O'Teale and across from the older Allen Boys.

I tried to keep myself cheerful during the meal. Mountie and Becky were doing their best to keep my mind off of my troubles. Still, my change in mood did not go unnoticed. I caught Fairlight looking at me several times. Each time when my eyes locked with hers, I managed a wan smile and swallowed another forkful of food. I would tell her later about what had happened, today wasn't to be ruined. Everybody was having such a good time. I didn't want to spoil a minute.

Ruby Mae, Zady, and Bessie dutifully cleared the table after everyone had finished eating the main meal. The three girls were glad to have such a prestigious chore; they were now part of the 'wimmin' folk. The clatter of dishes being stacked in the kitchen was almost deafening.

"I suppose everyone is ready for dessert." Dr. Ferrand announced over the din as he rose from his seat.

"Sit down Dr. Ferrand and rest. Opal and I will take care of bringing the pies in." Fairlight stood up quickly and Dr. Ferrand obliged her gratefully. "Dr. MacNeill, would you mind helping us ladies for a minute." He nodded and followed her.

As they made their way into the next room, I could hear Fairlight's voice slightly over the noise of dishes. I guessed she figured out that Neil had said something to make me unhappy. I looked out the window to try and distract myself from their hushed, but tense conversation. I was nearly successful until Dr. Ferrand called me.

"Miss Huddleston, would you please go check on the girls. I do hear a lot of giggling coming from the kitchen." He was right. I rose mechanically from my chair. Just as I was about to step into the next room, I stopped short, hearing voices right around the next corner.

"What exactly do you say to her?"

"I just told her she was free to pursue whatever held her interests."

"Ye don't really mean that, Neil."

"Every word of it, Fairlight."

"Neil MacNeill, I've never taken you ta be a jealous man."

"It's not all that. The further she stays away from me the better, for her sake."

"I don't think she'll see it that way. Don't ya think ye can explain it to her a little better."

"Fairlight, let it go. You're not a busybody." I heard footsteps coming toward me, forcing me to move forward even though I did not want to. I lifted my head as high and as proudly as I could and kept my sight straight forward as Neil passed me.

I didn't need to keep up my act for very long. As I entered the kitchen Bessie slid a large stack of dishes into an overly full wash tub, showering Ruby Mae and Zady with frothy suds. All the girls started laughing as Zady flung a glob of suds in Bessie's direction. I stood shock still in horror. I had to get those three under control before Dr. Ferrand walked in. Fortunately, Opal and Fairlight were there to help.

"Land's sake girls. Jest look at ye. I thought boys were trouble." Opal clucked at the trio as she searched for a relatively clean rag.

"I tole ya, Opal, boys ain't no trouble atall, it's the gals that need watching. Zady Spencer, ye know better'n that." Fairlight thrust a rag in her daughter's direction.

"Opal, Fairlight, I'll stay and make sure they get cleaned up and don't get out of hand. I don't really feel like having dessert today."

"If ye're shore." Fairlight said sympathetically. I nodded. Fairlight and Opal left to rejoin the others.

"Girls, I know you're having fun and all, but I'm pretty sure after everyone has had some pie we'll have some music. You don't want to miss out, do you?" I managed to say in my best teacher -tone.

"No ma'am. I wonder if John'll sing that song he wrote for me. Isn't that the sweetest thing, Teacher?" Bessie cooed as she swapped the dish in her hand clean.

"That is sweet, Bessie." I said as pleasantly as I could. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Zady make a face as she was drying herself and a dish by the cook stove. Though Zady was becoming less of a tomboy, the idea of her brother penning mushy love songs for a girl was still out of her imagining. I had to chuckle. "Let's hurry up then ladies or they'll start without you." I picked up a towel and helped Zady dry the dishes.

We had just finished with the desert dishes, when we heard Jeb tune up his fiddle. The girls were out of the kitchen in the blink of an eye. I just hoped there wasn't any suds left in anyone's hair. Everyone had gathered near the fireplace in the parlor. I tucked myself in the back of the crowd as Jeb burst forth into a rousting version of "Shady Grove".

Jeb hadn't even made it to the chorus when I heard the door behind me open hesitantly. I instinctively moved to greet whomever entered, since I was the closest to the door. I stopped, stunned by the figure that shadowed the entry. It was Bird's Eye Taylor. I, and certainly no one else, had expected him to show up at the mission's Thanksgiving feast. I heard the music that had just began to swell behind me, fade out slowly as everyone noticed who darkened the door.

"Bird's Eye, please come in. I'm sure we can find something for you to eat." I greeted him pleasantly to calm everyone's fears. Bird's Eye stepped forward, grimy hat in hand. Ever since the incident with David at Dan's cabin raising, Bird's Eye had been more quiet, but today there was something different.

"Much obliged." He shambled toward the table and took a seat. I went into the kitchen to find some food on the renewed strains of Shady Grove. No one else deemed Bird's Eye to be a threat.

I returned in minutes with a generous plate. "I hope it's warm enough for you. We weren't expecting anyone else today."

"Suppose not, too blame cold out thar for most. Hattie said I should put in an appearance. She didn't want ta go a'traipsin' fer in this cold." He eagerly forked up the food on his plate like he hadn't eaten in days and I suppose he hadn't. I went to get him a slice or two of the leftover pies while he finished up. I was glad he had shown up for now I had a good reason to be distracted from Neil.

"Why ain't a gal like you dancin' with the rest of the youngins?" Bird's Eye waved his fork airily toward the dancers crowded into a small space near the fireplace.

"I'm not up for dancing today." A rather comfortable silence lapsed between us. I still was getting used to the mountain way of holding conversation and to find myself in a companionable lull with Bird's Eye was rather strange. I studied him as he ate. His eyes, usually cold and flinty blue, held an air of sadness and loss in them.

"I suspect as soon as the spring winds blow in, I'll have long lit a path outten here ta the West. Ain't nothing ta hold me here no more. Ain't got my son an no other kin, no way of earnin' keep no where, I ain't got nothin' left here but bad memories. No reason ta stay." There was a finality about his voice that tugged at me.

"I bet if you talk to Miss Alice, you can help us with the upkeep here. We could use the help." The words came to me unbidden. I was the last person on Earth who would want to convince Bird's Eye Taylor to stay in Cutter Gap.

"I'll think on hit."

My surprise lasted only a brief moment. I heard Margaret's voice on the other end of the room and turned to see what she was doing. She was standing beside the ramshackle band.

"I learned this song when I was in Atlanta. Jeb, you can pick up whenever you catch the tune."

I rose to move closer to the crowd. I couldn't believe that Margaret had the energy to sing. In a faint, crackly voice, she sang a mournful tune I had never heard before.

"In the pines, in the pines

Where the sun never shines

And you shiver when the cold wind blows.

My love, my love what have

I done to make you treat me so

And make you leave your home.

In the pines, in the pines

Where the sun never shines

And you shiver when the cold wind blows.

My girl, my girl

Where have you gone

Where did you sleep last night.

In the pines, in the pines

Where the sun never shines

And you shiver when the cold wind blows.

My love, my love

You've caused me to weep

You've caused me to search

Will you come home again.

In the pines, in the pines

Where the sun never shines

And you shiver when the cold wind blows.

My girl, my girl

Come back to me

Promise to never stray

In the pines, in the pines

Where the sun never shines

And you shiver when the cold wind blows."

As Margaret drew breath in for the last verse, I caught Neil looking at her. My heart stopped beating somewhere in my throat. Neil MacNeill, deep down somewhere, still was in love with his wife. Sudden understand struck me hard, like a unexpected gust of wind. Neil was saving me from making a fool of myself. I was in love with a man that was still in love with his wife. A sick feeling rose in my throat. Perhaps I should do as Bird's Eye planned, make tracks away from here. There wasn't anything left for me here, either.

A/N: Sorry that took longer than expected. The song Margaret's sings is called _In the Pines _which originated in Georgia around 1917 ( I know it's early for our story but it fits so well here). It can be found as _The Longest Train_ or _Where Did You Sleep Last Night. _I wrote my own verses to suit my purposes but left the chorus the same. Again do not worry about Neil and Christy's fate. They need sometime to resolve some things right now.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

For the first time since I had arrived in Cutter Gap, looking out at the mountains from my room brought me no comfort. I felt like like a tiny speck of sand lost in the swells and hollows of the mountains. What was I doing here? Of course I came here to teach and I was doing well at it, but for what reason? Surely someone else could have as much influence as I at teaching. There were countless teachers across this nation, why did I feel I needed to make my mark here?

I sighed to myself, picking up my stack of books and made my way downstairs to breakfast. I wasn't really upset at Cutter Gap, just the situation that I had placed myself in. I had been so sure that Dr. MacNeill had feelings for me and I had let myself feel back against all reason. I was just looking for some way out of this unbearable heartache. I now had some idea how David had felt. To be in love and feel that you are loved in return only to find there was someone else in the picture, was an indescribable feeling. I had felt awful when I had caught David up in that mess but now I was truly miserable. I was looking for a way out and I could not think of any options.

"Mornin' Miz Christy." How Ruby Mae could always be so cheerful in the mornings was a mystery to me. She placed a surprisingly edible looking bowl of oatmeal down on table.

"Good morning Ruby Mae." I managed cheerfully as I sat down at the table.

On her way back into the kitchen, she turned back to look at me with her head cocked just enough to cascade her red waves onto her cheek. "Miz Christy are you feelin' alright? Ye've been lookin' as washed out as an ole dishrag."

I chuckled lightly. Ruby Mae had such a way with words sometimes. "I'm just tired, that's all."

"I do believe that Miss Huddleston has been struck with a serious case of homesickness, Ruby Mae." Miss Alice appeared in to doorway behind Ruby Mae, carrying a bowl of oatmeal.

"I suppose but I'm needed here so much."

"Don't worry thy head about that. I'm in a mind to close the school down until this cold lets up. That tiny stove cannot keep all of thy students warm, Miss Huddleston."

She was right about that. The past two days had been nearly unbearable. Most of my students didn't have adequate clothes for such weather. "I would hate for you to close down school just so I could go home." I said softly, as I took a bite of tasty oatmeal.

"Nonsense. Thee gave up thy summer vacation to accompany me to Freedom, Kentucky. How long has it been since thee has seen thy parents?"

"Over a year, I suppose."

"That settles it then. Return to Asheville, Miss Huddleston. I can assure thee that things will be quiet and though thee will be sorely missed, thee needs a break. We shall close the school the week after next and open the second week of January. It will be a nice extended holiday break. Jacob, Dr. Ferrand, will be leaving after the New Year to look for a new preacher. I believe Dan Scott also will be making a journey home before Christmas as well."

"Are you sure, Miss Alice, that you don't mind?"

"Not at all, not at all."

I finished up the last dollop of oatmeal in my bowl. "Ruby Mae, the oatmeal was really good. Did you do something different with it?"

"Missus Spencer learned me how the other day. I made it with honey and apples." Ruby Mae beamed from the opposite end of the table.

"And learning how to make a good bowl of oatmeal wouldn't have anything to do with Rob Allen, would it?"

"No ma'am." A sly smile spread across the girl's freckled face.

On my way over to the schoolhouse, I realized what this opportunity meant for me. It was my way out of this heartache. While I was home I could look for a new potion as a teacher or perhaps I could be an aide in one of the tuberculosis sanatoriums. Anything to get me away, to change the scenery and characters. As I rang the bell for school, a pang of guilt stung my heart. I realized that my decision was a very selfish one. I had done some actual good here. It wouldn't be fair to throw my pupils into turmoil, goodness knows their young lives had enough turmoil to last more than one lifetime. I felt my resolve slip. Well, I had a month in Asheville to sort out my thoughts.

Teaching did keep my mind off of my personal conflict during the two weeks before our break. What teaching didn't distract me from, the cold did. I had never felt air so icy sharp before. Surely, Cutter Gap had been supplanted somewhere on the Antarctic continent I had read about in a magazine once. I taught wearing my coat, which wasn't all that unusual, but I now wore gloves, a scarf and a shawl. I had brought over extra blankets and quilts for the children to use. They sat during their lessons huddled together underneath the warm wraps.

With a heavy heart, I concluded the final school session before break. I tidied up my desk, making sure the roster book remained on top in case I chose not to return. I walked away from my desk quickly and made my way to the mission house before any tears fell. I slipped in, unnoticed and went upstairs to my room to begin packing. I was riding down to El Pano with Dan Scott early the next morning and I needed to get started. Though I wasn't taking my trunk, I began to pack it anyway. I would have Fairlight or Miss Alice send it to me later.

I had finished packing and was leafing through my sketchbook. I had decided that this had come with me as it was just too personal to leave behind. I leafed through its pages, full of memories recalled, and my eyes misted over. Below, I heard a loud knocking on the door. I was so startled, I nearly dropped my sketchbook. I rose to make my way downstairs to answer the door when I heard Ruby Mae answer it instead.

"Howdy, Doc MacNeill. What brings you by?"

"I was wondering if Miss Huddleston was about?" I crept from my room so I could hear better.

"I haven't seen her since school let out. Maybe she's still over thar in the schoolhouse?"

"No Ruby Mae, I've checked already."

"I'd don't rightly know where she'd be. I would've heard her come in. I've got ears as keen as any hound dog."

"It's alright Ruby Mae. I just wanted to see if she needed an escort to El Pano." The nerve of him! I wanted to march right down the steps and give him a piece of my mind but I held back, waiting.

"Heaven's no, Dan Scott's goin' down to El Pano tomorry and Miz Christy's goin' with him. Rekin, three'd be a crowd."

"Well then, I'd better check on Margaret." At that, I stepped quickly into my room and shut the door. I leaned my back against it, listening to the footsteps on the stairs. I couldn't bear to see Neil now, not after he had excused me from any relationship we had formed. Why did he even want to see me?

I must have stayed with my back against the door for a half an hour before I heard Neil's footsteps retreated back down and I was able to relax. A short while later, a softer set of footstep approached the door. The door swung open.

"Oh goodness, me! Christy! Ruby Mae tole me you weren't in yet. Ye nearly scared the life right outten me." Fairlight bent down to pick up the clean linens she had dropped on the floor in surprise at seeing me in my room. "Someone was lookin fer ye."

"I know. I heard."

Fairlight looked around the very sparse room. " I hope ye tole Dan you're a heavy packer."

"I'm not taking everything with me. Yet." A questioning look came into Fairlight's stark blue eyes.

"Fairlight, I don't think, I don't think I'll becoming back." With that one statement, I lost any resolve I had over my emotions. Tears came tumbling out of my eyes, coursing their way down my cheeks. In an instant, Fairlight was on the bed beside me, cradling me to her chest.

"Oh, honey ye don't mean that."

I clung to her dress like a child and sobbed. "I just can't stay. I can't."

Fairlight sighed heavily. "I know ye're hurting somethin terrible. Thing aren't what they seem. Now I ain't shore what's going on between the two of you but I do know you can make it through. Remember, I tole you awhile back that God don't give you more than He knows you can handle. Hits true, you can handle this Christy. Hit jest takes a little time." She stroked my hair in such a way that she reminded me of my own mother.

"I honestly don't think I can come back."

"Now looka here. Ye know I have the Sight. I ain't going ta tell ye what all I've seen but I know this much is true. Ye'll come back."

I lifted my head to meet Fairlight's steady gaze."I really don't think..."

"Oh ye'll come back. I know hit. Shore as spring brings flowers, ye'll be back. Jest keep faith and don't give up."

I wanted with all my heart to believe Fairlight's words but I couldn't. The pain wrapped around my heart was just too tight to loosen. I couldn't come back to Cutter Gap once I left. Once I stepped on that train tomorrow, I wasn't coming back. I just knew it.


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: As you, I do not own Christy. I am just borrowing the characters for awhile. I seek no profit for this.

Chapter 18

I dressed the following morning in the cold, gray light of the pre-dawn hour. Everything was ready, both to take with me today and my trunks for someone else to ship to me later. I had even written out labels and placed them carefully in the empty top desk drawer. I picked up my valise and went to the door. I turned around and gazed for one last time at the once again sparse little room. A whirlwind of emotions assaulted me and left me reeling. How did one turn her back on so many emotions, so many memories? Margaret would know. I wished I had the nerve to talk to her before I left but I felt that the less people knew of my intentions the better. Besides, she was too close to Neil and Miss Alice. I had my mind made up and would hear no persuasion. I had to leave here. It was good that only Fairlight knew and she seemed rather insistent that I was coming back to Cutter Gap. I spun on my heel gritting my teeth against the impending tears and fled silently downstairs.

The parlor was hushed and still, like the room itself was sleeping just as the inhabitants of the mission house were upstairs. I wrapped a heavy shawl tightly around me and pinned it securely to the heavy wool dress I was wearing. I donned my coat, scarves and gloves. I was ready for the cold ride down to El Pano. I made a mental note to ask Mother for another heavier and longer scarf when she was ordering me new dresses and the like. I stopped and shook my head. Silly me. If I wasn't coming back here, then I didn't need such a thing. Glancing at the clock in the parlor, I determined that Dan should be nearly here and I had better go saddle Prince. I opened the door and steeled myself for the wall of cold air that met me as I lumbered toward the stables.

I was leading Prince out of the stable as Dan arrived.

"Good you're ready. Hand me your valise. I'll hold it until you mount up." He leaned down to grasp my bag. I fumbled with the stirrup and pulled myself slowly up into the saddle. I reached over for my bag.

"Thank you, Dan."

We rode in silence for some time. I was concentrating on what I would do when I arrived in Asheville. There were a lot of people to catch up with and plenty to do with Christmas around the corner. As I formed the list in my mind, I realized I was only doing this to keep my mind from dredging up the memories of the places we passed.

"Christy, you've been very quiet of late. I don't mean to pry, but is something the matter?" Dan's voice formed heavy clouds in the frigid air.

"I've been to cold to talk."

"Mmm-hmm. That it has, but you don't seem the sort of girl to let a little cold stop you from speaking you're mind. Dr. MacNeill has been in a foul sort of mood too, ever since Thanksgiving I believe."

"My silence and Dr. MacNeill's moods have no bearing over each other." My words came out a little more defensively than I would have liked.

"I see." We lapsed into silence for a few moments.

"I'm sorry, Dan. I didn't mean to sound so offended."

"I accept your apology, Christy. But I will say this, whatever or whoever you are upset at you should make amends with as soon as possible. A wise woman once told me not to let the sunset on my anger."

"And did you listen?"

"No, I didn't and for that, I am truly sorry."

"I'm not angry with anyone or anything. Well, perhaps I am angry at myself,f but I think I can forgive my own trespasses, in time." I tried to sound convinced of the idea.

"If you say so." Dan didn't sound like he believed my tone but he didn't press for more specifics and we rode on in companionable quiet.

We had nearly descended to the valley near El Pano as the first rose-gold rays of the sun filtered through the silvery pink clouds. Dan abruptly drew his horse to a stop and I pulled Prince to a stop as well. Dan turned in his saddle to look at me gravely.

"I think its best to keep your distance from me for here on out. Soon as I pass that clump of trees over there, you can start after me. Do not try to catch up with me. Do you understand what I am saying?"

"Yes, but..."

Dan looked at me more sharply. "It isn't fitting for a young lady such as yourself to be seen with...with someone like me. I don't want to stir up trouble for us before we head home. We best say our good-byes here. Take your horse to the livery, someone from the mission will be by to pick both of our horses up later. Will you do as I say?" Fear and concern radiated from his luminous brown eyes.

I nodded. Sometimes the world we lived in was such an ugly place, filled with vengeance, ridiculous pride and insensible beliefs. "Tell your Mother and Cecil I asked about them and wish them a Merry Christmas. Take care, Dan."

"Thank you. I hope your family has a Merry Christmas as well. Have a safe journey, Christy." Dan tipped his hat and rode off in the direction of the clump of trees. I waited until he was out of my sight for some time before I completed the trip to El Pano.

Dan's westbound train was the first to depart from the station. I watched as he made sure he was the last person to board the train. My heart went out to him; I could never understand the problems he encountered in his own life. As I watch the train chuff and huff its way out, I felt a tingle course through my body. Whether it was excitement at returning home or guilt at leaving Cutter Gap, I could not tell. I paced some, trying to will the next hour and the eastbound train's arrival to come faster. I sat down on a nearby crate and took out my sketchbook.. I stared at the blank white page but no inspiration tugged at my hand. The sun rose higher in the sky, still struggling to break free of the clouds. I felt a little like that too, struggling to free myself from... from what I couldn't decide. Faintly, in the distance, I could discern a train whistle. I closed my eyes and took in the faint sounds around me, savoring the relative peacefulness. Asheville wasn't as restive as here. I would miss that, being able to empty my mind and feel that I belonged to the land itself.

As I boarded the eastbound train, a new feeling clawed at my throat. I propelled myself forward, ignoring whatever this new emotion might be. I found an empty seat, which was not hard because there were few passengers heading east. I stared hard out the window beside me, looking at nothing in particular. The train chugged slowly away from the station and that raw emotion gripped me tighter. My reflection in the window began to blur as tears filled my eyes. I swallowed hard against the sobs that choked my throat. I truly couldn't understand why I felt so awful. If I was meant to leave Cutter Gap for good then why did it feel like my heart was being torn from my chest. I never felt so alone in all my life as I did then, as train chuffed its way east through the heart of the mountains.

A/N: Will Christy stay in Asheville? We'll find out in the next chapter.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

I really did want to be home for the holidays. It had been over a year since I had last seen my parents and longer than that since I was last at home in Asheville. Home in Asheville, the little phrase reverberated through my head with an odd unfamiliarity as the train wound its way to the city. Asheville was home, right? I kept repeating it in my mind as if saying it enough times made it true. I dearly loved my parents and this city was their home but a small part of me belonged elsewhere and I couldn't deny it.

I tearfully hugged my parents as I met them on the crowded station platform. Daddy was walking with a faint limp, supporting himself every few moments with a cane. The sight of him made my eyes well up with fresh tears. He wouldn't even be walking if Neil hadn't convinced Mother to let him treat Daddy. As Daddy pulled me into a big hug, a small voice chimed through my head; Neil did it for me. I scrunched my eyes shut against the thought and hugged my father tighter. Neil treated my father because he is a doctor and that is what doctors do.

"It's good to see my Girlie again." My father loosened his grip and smiled proudly at me.

I tried to answer but my throat was too thick and raw with tears. Mother sensed this and placed her arm gently behind my back. "William, she's so happy to be home, she's overcome. Let's go back to the carriage before Christy gets a chill." I smiled gratefully at my mother.

On the way back to my parents' house, I answered their questions as politely as I could. Mother filled me in on the latest happenings in Asheville society and which balls she planned for us to attended. I tried my best to sound interested but ended up only half listening to what was said. As soon as we rounded the corner to Montford Avenue and the house appear in view, I sighed with relief and gratitude.

"Christy, you must be tired. Six hours on a train in this freezing weather must be terribly exhausting. Go upstairs and rest before dinner." Mother's tone was soothing and I complied with her request.

I entered my room and stared around me with a sense of wonderment. In some ways it was like I had never left, yet in others, like I had never lived here at all. Everything in my room was familiar but I had grown so accustomed to sparse furniture, bare floors and hand-made quilts that the childhood finery before me seemed utterly foreign. I shrugged out of my coat and shawl numbly and sat down on the bed. Reaching under the chenille coverlet, I found my worn teddy bear. Staring at its care-worn form, I could feel tears and sobs threatening to overtake me yet again. I put the bear down, before the dam broke and made myself busy. I began to unpack my valise and hang up my few articles of clothing in the wardrobe.

My fingers brushed against the satin of a ball gown as I hung up my coat. I pulled the royal blue dress from its place. Memories of the last ball I attended in Asheville flooded my mind. I was happy and carefree. Did I dare to be that girl again? Doubt clouded my mind and I thrust the dated dress back into the wardrobe.

"Christy, I thought you'd be resting?" I had succeeded in busying myself so much that I didn't hear my mother enter my room.

"I wasn't that tired. I needed to do something." I placed a shirtwaist on a hanger and pushed it roughly into the wardrobe although it needed pressed.

"I suppose it's hard to go back to a life of leisure when you've gotten used to doing so many things for yourself."

"I'll just have to get used to it again." I fidgeted with some in the wardrobe so I could avoid my mother's steady but concerned gaze.

"Whatever do you mean dear? You'll only be here for a few weeks. You'll hardly get used to things before you leave again."

"I don't plan on going back." I turned to face my mother to read her reaction. This bit of news should please her; she never wanted me to leave here in the first place.

"Oh." Her face remained serene with only her eyebrows arched airily over her eyes belying any puzzlement. The unspoken questions hung heavily in the air between us. "Why?"

I sighed wearily. I should tell her about everything. I sat down on the edge of the bed and Mother sat on the opposite side. Once I started, the words came tumbling out of mouth like water falling over a rock ledge to form a waterfall. I started with Margaret's first arrival and ended at that horrible Thanksgiving revelation.

"That's certainly a fine tangle you've gotten into the middle of. I do recall of warning you about leading two men on. I knew no good could come of it"

"But Mother, I had no idea that I even loved Dr. MacNeill or he loved me until that day at the schoolhouse. I didn't do this intentionally. Besides, it doesn't matter now. He loves his wife."

"From what I gather, time is not her friend. I'm sure that Dr. MacNeill loves his wife, for who she has become. You said so yourself, that she is is not the same woman that you first met. She has become what she was meant to be and Dr. MacNeill loves her as such. Although not in a way a husband loves a wife, well perhaps if time was their friend it may have grown to that again. I suspect that he will always care for her. You'd be surprised how many married couples in Asheville are not in love. But they do not separate because there is a sense of respect and deep admiration that binds them still. I am certain that despite his vows, Dr. MacNeill loves you."

"How do you know?"

"That day at the O'Teales' cabin, the light in his eyes when he looked at you, gave it away." I looked at my mother, puzzled. How could she see things that I did not see for myself until nearly a year later?

"Christy, someday when you're a mother you will know things like this too." She smiled softly, reaching out and patting my hand.

"Then why did he let me go?"

"Fear, doubt, I can't say. I do know leaving will not solve things for either of you."

"I can't go back."

"Christy, you won't be happy here. That place has changed you. You have become a woman there in those mountains. It is where you were simply meant to be, much as I would love you to stay here, you need to be there."

"But it hurts too much to be there."

"Life is full of disappointments and hardships and it hurts, Christy. You've seen as much for yourself in Cutter Gap." Mother moved to the side of the bed and embraced me. "Stay here for the holidays and clear your head. Things will sort themselves out in the end. But you should go back and not for the sake of your own heart. You are needed there." She kissed the top of my head and walked to the door, leaving the essence of roses and lily-of-the-valley lingering in the air. "Try and rest dear. Oh, and if your father asks about Reverend Grantland, say he felt moved to go to California with his sister. Your father took an immense liking to him. Fathers do not have the instinct mothers do."

I sighed deeply, feeling refreshed. Did I have the heart to return? I needed to get through a few weeks here before I could be sure I was strong enough to deal with the problems I left behind in the Cove. Perhaps, I just needed to be away for a little bit. My eyelids felt heavy and gritty. I sought out my well loved teddy bear and curled myself up in my cozy warm bed.

A/N: Will she stay or will she go back? We'll find out in the next chapter, which I will publish asaep. (as soon as earthly possible). For those of you on the east coast, enjoy the snow.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Passing through the vestibule on my way to Sunday services, a slip of paper fluttering on the bulletin board caught my eye. I paused for a moment, studying the handwritten notice intently. It seemed as if this little rather insignificant notice had been placed there for me.

_Miss Heartwick's School for Girls is seeking a quality young lady of good moral standing to serve as a teacher for girls ages seven to thirteen. A qualified young woman for this position must be well versed in literature, poetry and fine art. Musical ability, while not necessary, is also attractive for this position. Some college education and prior service are required. No married women. Please apply in person at 239 Charlotte Street._

"Christy, hang up your coat dear or we'll be late." Daddy called to me through the crowd. Mother was looking a little impatient at tarrying so long in the drafty church entrance. Without hesitation, I plucked the notice off the board and thrust it into my coat pocket. I hung up my coat and dutifully followed my parents to their usual pew.

I tried to concentrate on the service but found myself thinking about the notice in my coat pocket. It was just what I was looking for; an answer to all my heartache. I felt a flutter of excitement stir inside my chest In the days following the conversation with my mother, I doubted her logic at me needing to return to Cutter Gap. Whenever I thought of returning, I felt uneasy. I could not do it. I needed to see what else there was out there before I felt I could decide properly. Besides, contrary to what my Mother believed, I was fitting in rather well into my former life. Before the service had ended, I made my mind up to visit this school on Charlotte Street tomorrow.

The next day, I dressed in the new slate gray suit Mother had given me for Christmas, an unusually practical gift on her part. I pinned the matching hat to my hair and inspected myself in the wardrobe mirror. Mother was right, I had matured during my time in Cutter Gap. I was no longer the naive, thin-faced girl who left here in the autumn of 1912 but a modern, confident young woman on the cusp of 1914. Pleased with my reflection, I rushed downstairs.

"Are you going out Christy?" Mother called from the parlor. I peaked around the corner as casually as I could manage. I had not discussed the possibility of a new position with either of my parents. I would broach the subject with them later if I decided I would take this new position.

"I was going out to window shop and maybe I would stop in and see Daddy at his office for lunch."

"Should I ring for a car for you? It looks like it could rain any time."

"No, I was planning on taking the streetcar."

Mother winced slightly. She was still a little displeased with some of my common tendencies. "Don't forget your umbrella then. Oh and would you be a dear and pick up the dresses I ordered for you at Miss Eloise's shop on your way back."

"Of course, I will." I rushed off and put on my coat.

Outside the air had grown much more milder than it had been in weeks. The cold spell appeared to over and the leaden gray clouds promised rain and not snow. I hurried around the corner to the nearest trolley stop and waited. It had been sometime since I had ridden one. Daddy always took me for a ride on the streetcar to his office in the city center on Fridays when I was out of school. I always loved it. Within minutes, the car arrived and I boarded. I hand over my fare and took a seat.

On my way to Charlotte Street, I wrestled with my choice of staying here in Asheville. Was I really prepared to leave my Cutter Gap life behind and teach in a school designed for girls from well-to-do families? I had to at least see the school before I rushed into anything. I was so lost in my thoughts that I nearly missed my stop.

Miss Heartwick's school was not far from the streetcar's stop. I approached the recently completed building. I had always thought my parents' home as grand, but this one exceeded any expectations for a simple girls school. For a brief second, I thought of that simple, drafty schoolhouse that doubled as a church on Sundays in Cutter Gap. Approaching the door to the school, I felt a twinge of guilt rather than excitement. I swallowed hard and rang the doorbell. I was struck by how odd it was to ring a doorbell, an electric one no less, rather than call out from the edge of the yard.

A few moments later, a stout woman answered the door. She had graying blond hair, coiffed into ringlets, and was rather fashionably dressed for an older woman. Reading glasses swung from an elaborate chain around her neck, tapping against the buttons on her dress in an almost agitated fashion.

"May I help you, Miss?" The woman asked in a thin, nasally voice touched with an English accent.

"I'm here in response to the notice you placed at Asheville's First Presbyterian Church. My name is Christy Huddleston." I offered her my hand and she looked at me, bewildered.

"What notice?" I thrust my hand in my pocket to retrieve the slip of paper and handed it to the befuddled woman.

She grappled for her glasses and slid them up her nose. "Oh, my dear girl. It quite slipped my mind that I had told Jane Harris to post this at her church. It has been there for ages it seems. Come in, come in." She turned and started to walk down a mahogany paneled hall when she stopped and turned to face me.

"Good Heavens, where are my manners? I am Miss Dorothea Heartwick, proprietor of this school. And you are?"

"Christy Huddleston." I tried to quell my smile a bit. The poor woman seemed to have a forgetful mind.

"Well then, Miss Huddleston, come with me to my study and we'll talk."

I followed he down the hall and into sumptuously furnished study, complete with floor to ceiling bookshelves and wonderfully upholstered chairs. Miss Heartwick settled herself behind an enormous oak desk.

"Now then, are you married?"

"No."

"Have you any education?"

"I completed high school at Asheville Academy and attended one year at Flora College in Charleston."

"Good, very good. Have you taught before?"

"Yes. I have taught for over one year at the Cutter Gap School, near El Pano Tennessee.' Miss Heartwick looked up at me, puzzled. Her gold rimmed glasses had slid down almost to the tip of her nose and she stared at me above the rims with her grayish eyes.

"Where is that school located? I have never heard of it before."

"It's a new school. It is part of the American Inland Mission. I'm afraid it isn't on a map. It is in a remote part of the Smoky Mountains."

"Heaven's above child. You're a mission worker. Bless you. What ever made you leave?"

For a brief second, I felt as if all the air went out of the room and I couldn't breathe. I tried to move my mouth to form words but could not.

"Well, it doesn't matter. I suppose you are competent at the skills listed on the notice?" I nodded. My heart was racing now. Everything felt wrong and I didn't know why. If my true feelings showed, Miss Heartwick seemed not to notice.

"As a teacher here you will be responsible for no less than twenty girls between the ages of seven and thirteen. Keep in mind that some of these girls are from prominent families in the North Carolina area. I believe you will serve very well as our fine arts and literature teacher. Miss Jane Harris is our history and mathematics teacher. When are you able to start?"

Everything about this school seemed perfect. Any woman my age would be flattered to have such a comfortable position. But it felt wrong to be here. It was like I was observing myself in a dream. I could not take this job. I rose from the plush chair.

"I'm deeply sorry to have troubled you, Miss Heartwick. I really thought I wanted to work here but I don't think I can now. I just don't feel like I belong here." I stammered. I wasn't even making sense to myself.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I think you would have done quite well here. Perhaps a different time. I am disappointed but you're welcome to come back any time. I can always find a place for someone like you."

I hastily took my leave and waited for the next available streetcar bound for Church Street and my Father's law office. Sitting in the trolley, I still could not shake that uneasy, panicked feeling that had come over me. Even during lunch with my father, I could not escape that sickening feeling. As much as I didn't want to worry my father, he noticed eventually as I picked at my food during lunch.

"Christy, is there something the matter?" Daddy laid down his fork and looked at me earnestly. "You can tell me what's bothering you, you know that"

I gulped down some water, searching my mind as to how I should answer him. I looked at him and found I could make no excuses. "I had been to visit a school here in Asheville that was looking for a new teacher. I thought I wanted to teach somewhere else, do something different, and it all felt horribly wrong. I don't know what to do. I was so certain that I needed to get away from Cutter Gap and now that I actively attempted to server ties there, I find I can't do it." I let my head drop to my chest and clenched my eyelids tight to keep back the tears I felt forming.

Daddy laid his hand over mine. "Your Mother told me there was some flap with a suitor in Cutter Gap. Now, I don't know the specifics nor do I want to. That is your business. My daughter doesn't take decision making lightly. When you have your mind made up, you are tough to convince otherwise. I think this time your mind is telling you one thing and your heart is telling you another. Don't fight your heart because it is sometimes more right than your own mind can accept. I know your mother and I tried to talk you out of going to Cutter Gap in the first place but this time we won't tell you what to do. This time, this choice must be made by you. Remember though, no matter what you finally decide, your mother and I will support you."

A tear escaped the corner of my eye as Daddy finished talking. I raised to my face to look at my father. He was right. My mind was making all decisions and I had not let my heart speak. Listening to my heart was the bravest thing I could do. "Thank you, Daddy." I managed a faint smile.

"That's my Girlie. Let's finish lunch and then you'd better be off or your Mother will have a search party looking for you."

After saying goodbye to my father outside of the restaurant, I took the trolley over to the next street to the dress shop. Upon seeing the five large boxes waiting for me, I knew I should have taken Mother's offer of a taxi. I struggled with them to the next streetcar stop and then boarding the trolley. As soon as I had seated myself amid the boxes, I groaned inwardly when I heard the first pattering drops of rain fall on the trolley's tin roof. I never did grab that umbrella, not that it mattered, I didn't have a free hand to carry it in anyway.

I trudged home in the light drizzle, trying to let my heart speak its true feelings. I was too distracted to listen. I swung the oak door to the house wide open as I balanced the soggy packages against the wall.

"There you are Christy. I was about to call your father to see if he had seen you. Good Heavens! You're soaked! Let me help you." Mother reached for the packages. "Let's get you into something dry before you catch your death."

Within minutes, Mother had whisked away my wet clothing and hat to dry in the kitchen and had unpacked the amazingly dry new dresses. She had carefully stowed away the new dresses. I sat on the edge of my bed, still and silent, staring at the folds of the new rose colored evening dress hanging in the wardrobe. I sat waiting for my heart to speak but was interrupted by the doorbell. A moment later, Mother called up the steps to me.

"Christy, a telegram came for you. It's from Cutter Gap." Mother's last sentence fell upon my ears like lead on water. I raced to meet her at he bottom of the staircase. I took the slip from her hand and read it, trembling.

MARGARET HAS PNUMONIA STOP HAS BEEN ASKING FOR YOU STOP SOMEONE WILL MEET YOU ON NEXT TRAIN STOP NOT MUCH TIME STOP

In that minute of whirling emotions, I heard an inner voice, clear and strong. I had to go back, not for myself, but for those dear friends I left behind. I was the only friend Margaret had and Miss Alice was like a second mother to me. How could I forsake them when they needed me? I had been selfish and that was not like me at all. I had to get back to those who needed me, broken heart or not. I said as much to my mother and fled upstairs. I flung the entire contents of my wardrobe into my bags. I was returning to the Cove and staying as long as I was needed, no matter what happened this time.

A/N: Sorry it's a long chapter and I didn't tell you much about Christy's time in Asheville. I felt it wasn't needed to document her entire time there. The events that return her to Cutter Gap are the most important. Probably not the best chapter but the following ones will be better. We are also about to break through the dark stuff to lighter days. A little rain must fall before we see the rainbow. Also, I am hoping to complete a companion piece to this story in which Margaret tells her story. I let you all know when it happens in another AN.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

My last hour in Asheville flashed by in a blur. Mother had phoned my father and the train station and hurried upstairs to help me pack. I managed to stuff the entire contents of my wardrobe into three bags, two bags more than I had arrived with. I borrowed the other two from my parents' room. I wasn't thinking anything practical and crammed everything into the bags including evening gowns and dresses I was sure I couldn't wear anymore. If Mother noticed, she didn't say a word. Father arrived several minutes later, having left his office immediately after Mother called and after stopping to pick up a ticket for me at the train station. We hurried to the car and were off to the train station. The train arrived only twenty minutes later. I would arrive in El Pano after sunset

I hugged my parents warmly and boarded the train anxiously. I was glad to get this train rather than waiting for the morning. I needed to get to Margaret as soon as possible. I knew the possibilities of her recovering from pneumonia were scant because the tuberculosis had damaged her lungs severely. Every minute was precious and not one could be wasted or else I would arrive too late to comfort Margaret. The train slowly lurched forward into the heavy gray fog and drizzle. Silently, I urged the train to move faster towards my destination.

I watched the fog roll past the window and twine with the smoke and steam from the engine. In some ironic way, the scenery mirrored how the thoughts whorled in my mind; merging and twining into one another so that no thought was specific. During the whole trip I had only one distinct feeling, an urgency to get back to the mission house.

As the train neared El Pano, the drizzle and fog drifted away in time to reveal a pastel tinged sunset. The sight of the clearing skies lightened my heart. At least this time, my arrival in Cutter Gap would go unmarred by rain. The train began to slow with chuffs and clanks. I can't remember of ever being so overwhelmingly glad to disembark from a train before tonight. I nearly sprinted off the train with all three bags bouncing off the seat backs in my haste. I was fortunate that there weren't many passengers aboard but I was in too much of a hurry to care if others thought I had lost my mind.

In the dim light of dusk, I surveyed the platform to see if anyone was waiting for me. A movement in the shadows to my left caught my eye. A figure slowly emerged and I squinted to see whom was lurking in the gloom. Not recognizing who was waiting there and severely short of patience, I rushed the person, heedless to any danger this mystery person may have posed me. I collided with this person as they rounded the corner and into the pool of lamplight.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to run into you." I looked up from my dropped bags and into a stern face. "Mr. Taylor! I, uh, didn't, uh. Are you here to catch the train?" I was startled beyond belief at finding Bird's Eye on the El Pano train platform.

"Nope. I's here to fotch ye and take ye back up to the mission. Horse's waiting over yan." He motioned to the other side of the tracks to where the livery stable stood. I shook my head in disbelief. Bird's Eye was here to collect me and take me to the mission? I thought he was leaving the area or at least that is what he had said on that fateful Thanksgiving Day.

"Waal now is you comin' or ain't ye wantin' to go up til day bust?"

"Of course, I want to go now. We can, can't we, I mean, it's not too dark to travel?" A strange sound fell on my ears, followed by an equally strange sight. I had never heard Bird's Eye laugh, or snicker rather, let alone see a semblance of a smile cross his face.

"Why this here be the finest time for traveling. After sun fall and just as the moon be risin' high o'er the mountain tops. Did my work mostly by moon shine, ye know." The sly smile disappeared as swiftly as it came. "Best get's a move on Miz." He lumbered across the tracks to the stable and I followed him.

Bird's Eye unhitched the two horses from the fence and began tethering my bags to his horse. He lifted me into the saddle of Prince like I was a sack of corn, which I was sure he handled as frequently as he conducted business in the moonlight.

"Jest ye follow as close as ye can to my horse." Bird's Eye flung over his back to me as he led the way out of the livery yard.

We rode for awhile in silence but my curiosity got the better of me. I had to know how Bird's Eye Taylor, unrepentant moonshiner, had come to met me in El Pano.

"Bird's Eye, how did you know to meet me?"

"Miz Alice asked me ta meet ye."

"I see. I never figured you for one to hang around the mission."

"Waal, I's been doin' some work for Miz Alice and I were the only one who could leave to get ye. Doc's busy with his wife and Mr. Scott ain't back from Ken-tuck yit. The ole thunderclap ain't back neither."

Despite my somber mood, I couldn't help but laugh. "You mean Dr. Ferrand?"

"Laws-yes. Best hie on outs when he gits back. Won't take to no moonshiner workin at his mission, shore as the world."

"Well, you never know." I added helplessly. I knew how judgmental Dr. Ferrand could get. We lapsed into silence again as we urged the horses into a faster pace.

We arrived in front of the mission house sooner than I thought was possible. I practically leaped from the saddle and hurried up the steps into the parlor. The downstairs was silent and desolate. Everyone was upstairs. Without stopping to take off my coat or hat, I raced up the stairs and straight to Margaret room. I burst into the room. Miss Alice and Neil turned to look at me. Neil lowered his eyes as quickly as he had raised them while Miss Alice's pooled with tears. I embraced her quickly and silently. I slipped to the side of Margaret's bed after Miss Alice released me from her embrace.

"Christy, I'm glad you're here. Fairlight said you'd come back." The wheezing, raspy voice jug savagely at my heart. Margaret raised her fever-bright hazel eyes to meet mine. Her once glossy curls hung dull and limp about her face.

"Of course. I couldn't leave you." I struggled to find more words to comfort her.

"Mother, Neil, I'd like to speak with Christy privately." Her words were labored. Behind me, I heard movements as they both complied with Margaret's wishes. The door shut with a tiny click.

"Oh Margaret, it's too difficult for you to talk. You should rest. Why don't I tell you about my time in Asheville."

"No, I have a lot to say and I will say it before my time is up." I smiled weakly at her determination.

"Alright, I'm listening."

"I just want to say I'm sorry."

"Whatever for?"

"For coming back and interrupting things between you and Mac. I got this feeling that ever since Thanksgiving things between the two of you have been a little off. I asked Fairlight , before I got sick, what had happened. She didn't explain, but she told me that it might be sometime before you came back here again. She showed me the labels you left behind. I couldn't believe that you would willingly sever ties to here on your own. So I went straight to the problem. I confronted Mac with the labels and asked him what he did to make you run away." Margaret's voice broke into a deep, laborious cough that left her breathless. I handed her a glass of water.

"As soon as those words left my mouth, I knew they were best left unsaid. He looked so hurt and angry, but underneath I could sense a deep despair. I imagine that was the way he looked after I faked my own death. He told me he set you free, like he should have done for me all those years ago."

Margaret fell silent for several minutes. She grasped my hand tightly. "Christy, all of this is my fault. If I had only known; if I had only stopped to think what a path of destruction I left behind when I left years ago. I'm so sorry. I know Mac loves you but he's so scared of making the same mistake. That's my fault. He loved me once and I took that love and used it to make him hurt. I have to make this right for the both of you. After our confrontation, I tried to go after you. That's when I got sick." She closed her eyes and leaned back into the pillow. A silent tear coursed down her flushed cheek.

"Margaret, it's not your fault."

"It is. I can see that now. You have helped me become a better person. Over there in the top drawer of my desk is my journal. I want you to have it. I want you to read it and then get it published. I think it's a story that might help someone else out there in the world. Will you do it?"

"I've never done anything like that."

"Promise me?"

"I'll try, I promise."

"Do you forgive me?"

Tears stung my eyes. "Of course, I do."

"Christy, could you get Mac? I need to talk to him too."

"Yes, I will" I rose and made for the door.

"Take the journal with you."

I went to the desk and pulled the drawer open. I took out the leather bound volume and tucked it into my coat pocket. I went out of Margaret's room and went downstairs to the parlor. Only Neil was there, standing by the fireplace, thumbing over a piece of paper in his hand. I assumed Miss Alice had gone to the kitchen to make some coffee.

"Dr. MacNeill, Margaret is asking to talk to you." My voice was barely louder than a whisper. He jerked his head up at the sound of my voice. A look that I could not place crossed his rugged countenance. He placed the paper on the mantle piece and nodded to me stiffly before passing by me on his way up to Margaret's room.

I went the fireplace. I knew what the paper was before I even turned it over. The paper was still warm in my own hand. I turned it over and saw that my own careful script of my luggage tags had been smudged. What had I done?


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

I tucked the worn slip of paper in my pocket and went to get my bags. Carrying the bags upstairs, I could hear Margaret's voice coming from her room. I tried hard not to listen, but in my empty room the voices seemed to amplify. I busied myself, unpacking my bags but still the task did not keep me from hearing what was happening in the room down the hall.

"Mac, you don't know how sorry I am for what I did."

Silence.

"Mac, we both know I haven't got much time left. Please don't act like this, not now. What I did was selfish. I honestly don't know why I rebelled against you so much after we were married. I suppose I used you to get away from Mother and her righteous lifestyle, but that wasn't enough for me. No, I had to take your love and fling it in your face. If I had stopped to think what I was doing, I would have seen how much I hurt you. I only cared about myself and ran from what I was longing for the whole time, what I could have found with you. It's too late now for me but not for you. You can't shut yourself off from those who love you."

"I can't go back to how I was before you. Not now, not ever."

"You don't mean that. I've seen how you look at Christy, how devastated you were when I told you she might not come back. You looked at me once like that."

"Whatever was between us, is none of your business, first of all, and secondly, I'm pretty sure is finished. I am not capable of love, it's always been taken away from me."

I could hear Margaret begin to sob. Tears were filling my own eyes as well. I knew Margaret had hurt Neil, but I was getting a glimpse of how deeply she had wounded him.

"Mac, I'm so sorry for using you to escape myself. I need to know that you forgive me. I know I don't deserve it, but I need to know. Can you forgive me?"

There was silence and then the sound of footstep crossing the room. I had abandoned my task of unpacking. I couldn't bear to listen to anymore. As I made for my door, I heard a soft whisper.

"I forgive you, if you can forgive me? I wasn't the easiest person to get along with."

I went out of my room in a rush, not wanting to hear the response to such an intimate conversation. I went to find Miss Alice.

I found her sitting in the dimly lit dining room, staring into a mug of coffee encircled in her hands.

"Miss Alice is there anything I can do for you?"

"Christy, thee returning is enough. Thee has no idea how much thy presence has been missed by all of us."

"I missed being here. I'm sorry I left."

"Don't worry about that. Sometimes thee must leave to find out that where thee left was the place thee was meant to be all along."

I slipped into the chair beside Miss Alice and placed my hand on top of hers. I felt so terrible for her. She and her daughter had just mended their relationship, only to have it cruelly wrenched away. Miss Alice removed one hand to pat gently the back of my own.

"Christy, thee must not pity my loss. Margaret and I have packed into the last three months, years worth of bonding. More than some parent-child relationships will have in a whole lifetime. It is enough."

We both turned to look at the stairs as we heard Neil's footsteps descending. He appeared a moment later.

"Alice, Margaret would like to speak to you now."

Miss Alice rose and went upstairs swiftly, leaving Neil and I alone. I wanted to take him in my arms and tell him that he was capable of love. I found myself unable to do or say anything. Neil made no move or sound; just stood staring into the floorboards.

"Can I get you a cup of coffee?"

"No. I'd rather be left alone if you don't mind." He spun on his heel stiffly and retreated to the parlor.

"If there's anything I can do..." He was already too far away to hear my softly spoken offer. I sighed and sought a mug of coffee for myself. I poured a splash of milk into the mug and watched it swirl into the dark coffee, swirling and blending together.

I was thinking of some way that Neil and I could move past our hurt, oblivious to my surroundings, when I heard a knock at the door. I sat my mug down and went to answer it. I hoped that it wasn't an emergency, because Neil and Miss Alice needed to stay with Margaret.

I swung the door open and was shocked to see a familiar person standing on the mission's porch.

"Hello, John. Is there something you need?"

"I came here to help."

"How did you know that we needed help?"

"I have my ways. May I come in and sit with Margaret a bit."

"Of course." I stepped out of the door frame to let the green-eyed man in.

"Can I get you some coffee or take your hat?"

"No, I don't need anything."

"Miss Alice is with her daughter just now."

"I'll wait outside the door until it's time."

"Certainly."

I showed the elderly man upstairs and pulled a chair from my room for him to sit in. I wandered slowly downstairs again, feeling exhaustion creeping into my core. I retrieved my now cool mug of coffee from the dining room table and went to sit in the parlor. As I rounded the corner, I nearly bumped into Neil.

"Who was that man?"

"John."

"John who?"

"I don't know really. He never said."

"You let a complete stranger in here in the middle of the night?" Neil made little attempt to keep the anger from his voice.

"He's not a complete stranger. I've met him a few times. And it's not the middle of the night."

"You don't even know his last name. How can you be so trusting of a stranger's character? You especially should know better by now."

I took a deep breath and exhaled audibly in an effort to keep my temper even. "He' seems harmless enough."

"I've heard that before. You were quite mistaken for David's character if I remember rightly."

As I was about to reply, Miss Alice called out from upstairs.

"Neil, she's unconscious!"

A/N: Get ready with the tissues. The next chapter is sad. Will post it on Monday. Hopefully, we'll hear Margaret's story as well next week.


	23. Chapter 23

We both rushed upstairs, forgetting our argument. Neil swiftly went from an angry man to doctor immediately as soon as he entered the room. He listened to Margaret's breathing, took her temperature and checked her eyes. As Neil was completing his exam, I noticed that Margaret's lips had taken on startling a purplish pallor. I covered my mouth quickly to keep my horrified gasp from escaping.

"Is she gone?" Miss Alice's voice was hoarse with worry.

"No. Not yet. The fluid in her lungs has made it extremely difficult for her to breath. Her fever is dangerously high as well."

"Will an onion poultice work?"

"I'm afraid it won't. If she had just pneumonia, it would, but since she has tuberculosis too, a poultice could do more harm than good. The only thing we can do now is...to keep her as comfortable as possible." Neil's voice trailed off to a faint whisper.

"Will she regain consciousness?"

"Perhaps, perhaps not. She may have moments of lucidity or delusion. We can give her aspirin powder. It will help lower the fever for a time."

"But only prolong the inevitable." Miss Alice added grimly. "What should we do to make her comfortable."

"We need to prop her up in bed, to make it easier for her to breathe. Pillows, quilts, even some split pieces of firewood will do. Anything that will keep her sitting upright." Neil's voice commanded Miss Alice and I to react. She hurried from the room before me and into the spare room.

I stepped outside of the room, thinking of what extra bedding was located in my room, when a small movement to my right caught my attention. John.

"Margaret's too ill for visitors."

"Oh, I don't need to see her. I just need to be here."

His statement alarmed me. Perhaps Neil had been right, I wasn't the best judge of a person's character. I could only stare blankly at John.

"I mean no harm to her, Miss."

I was about to question his real motives for being here when Miss Alice rushed back into the room with an armful of pillows and quilts. I didn't have time to question this man. I needed to focus on Margaret.

"Will these do?" Miss Alice asked as she handed the stack of bedding over to Neil. He arranged them carefully under Margaret's upper body and shook his head. "They're too soft."

"Christy, would thee be kind enough to get some of the split logs I had seen Mr. Taylor stack outside the kitchen door?"

"Of course." I swept down the stairs and out the kitchen door. I found the stack and tried to pick up two logs at once, dropping both with a loud clatter. I bent down to try again.

"Who's thar?"

Startled, I looked in the direction of the voice, toward the stables. I must have roused Bird's Eye from his sleep. "It's just me, Christy. Margaret has taken a turn for the worst."

"Waal, then." He turned with the lantern to go back in the stable. I hefted one log up and balanced it against my chest precariously.

"Lemme gets ta other." Apparently, Bird's Eye had only turned back to get his ragged coat. "I best get some more. Figger, ye don't have much time to worry abouts builden up the fire. I'll tend hit."

"Thank you."

We both carried up the logs and helped arrange them under the stacks of quilts and pillows to make Margaret more comfortable. Bird's Eye slipped quietly away only to return some minutes later with a fresh bucket of water and disappeared again.

In a few minutes, Margaret's lips lost the garish purple color but remained still and pale. Occasionally, the room was filled with her labored breath. Watching her from across the room, I felt so useless. What could I do to ease her pain?

Frustrated, I left the room to stand in the hall. Sighing, I leaned against the wall.

"Do not fret, Miss. She is not alone. The Lord is with her."

"I know that, John."

"But does she know that?"

I looked down into the wizened old man's kind and gentle face. How could have I doubted this man's motives? Before I could ask him what I should do, a shout came from within the room. It was Margaret.

"Christy, keep the raven away! Oh, it's going to carry me away! No! Don't let it, Christy!"

I rushed back inside to see Miss Alice and Neil standing close to the bed, trying to still Margaret's now thrashing figure. I slipped quietly beside them and knelt by the bed, taking Margaret's hand like I had some hours earlier. I grappled with something to say and found myself saying the first things that came clearly to my mind.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for thou art with with me." I was a bit ashamed that after all the bible studies I had attended when I was young, this was all I could remember in that moment.

"It's gone now. Thank you Christy. It's gone away." Margaret murmured from the bed. Her hand slipped from mine and rested on the bed.

Neil pushed me aside in an unceremonious way. He took Margaret's temperature and checked her breathing and pulse. "Her fever spiked, again. She must have been suffering a hallucination. She's still with us, fighting all the way." He stood and went to rummage through his saddle bags.

I stood by Miss Alice's side. The night was taking a toll on her. I could see fine lines on her face that I had never noticed before. Shadows hung close to her eyes. I took her hand in mine and squeezed it tightly.

"Thank thee, Christy. Thy are a rock in times of crisis." I smiled softly at Miss Alice's words. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I felt more like a pebble sinking in a pond than a rocky island braving a harsh sea storm.

Neil had found a packet of aspirin powder and was mixing it up in a glass of water. He sat patiently on the side of the bed and coaxed Margaret awake.

"Drink this for me. It will help with your fever and take away some of your pain." He raised the glass to her lips, but she pulled back away from him.

"I don't want any." Weak as her voice was, she put as much force behind it as she could muster.

Neil tried one more time but she pushed his hand away again. He looked at Miss Alice to see if she wanted to try.

"No, Neil. Let her be. See, she has fallen asleep again. Let me sit by her now." She moved to the bed and sat down beside her daughter. Miss Alice ran her hand tenderly over Margaret's face as if to memorize her child's features one last time. I saw her lips move as she whispered to her daughter, words of comfort and love.

I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I sniffed to keep them in check. I glanced over at Neil. I could see his eyes were becoming red and raw. He noticed me, looking at him, and he abruptly turned away to look out the nearby window.

I have no idea how long we all stayed like that; frozen in position like figures in a tableau, but we must have for some time. The moonlight failed and the night outside was inky black with the trees blotting out any stars. The room was mostly silent, punctuated occasionally by Margaret's increasingly rough breathing. Occasionally, I could hear someone stirring in the room below. My eyelids felt heavy and gritty from lack of sleep. I sat down rather quickly in a near by chair before I fell asleep standing up. I let my eyelids drift shut.

"Mother, I've found it at last. It's what I've been looking for all my life. Oh it's so warm and strong, this love I've found. I should have listened to you all those years ago."

My eyes flew open. Margaret must be having another hallucination.

"Can you see the light, Mother? It's so beautiful. Beautiful." Her words stopped suddenly and her glistening eyes closed. Miss Alice gave a strangled cry. Neil was by the bed in a flash.

Taking Margaret's wrist, he waited and watched a nearby clock. He stooped over with his stethoscope and listened. Finally, he spoke with a quiet and trembling voice.

"It's over. She's gone, Alice."

Miss Alice's hands went up over her face and her body shook with sobs. I wanted nothing more than to run from the room but found my feet moving forward to where Miss Alice sat.. I took her in my arms and held her. I closed my eyes and let tears of my own flow freely.

After a few minutes, I raised my head and looked around. Neil had vanished. I hadn't even heard him leave.

A/N: Okay, so I won't leave you all hanging. But I wanted to make sure this was good. I needed to check over it one more time and give you all a chance to get caught up reading. Seriously, this is it until Monday. :)


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

The rest of the pre-dawn hours passed as slowly as walking through mud. I convinced Miss Alice to leave Margaret's body and return to her own room to rest. I had thought of doing the same for myself but there was so much to attend to.

I wandered down the steps numbly, thinking of what to do next. I had no idea where to begin. I had little knowledge of how a funeral was conducted in Cutter Gap. Perhaps Miss Alice wouldn't want to have her daughter buried here but in Pennsylvania where their family was from. I rubbed my hand across my forehead. I should try to find Neil too. He had a say as to what happened next.

I entered the kitchen and saw Bird's Eye adding more logs to the cook stove. The unreality of the past hours struck me hard. This had to be a strange and terrible dream. I would wake up soon in my bed in Asheville any minute now.

"Mornin." Bird's Eye greeted gruffly.

"Morning." I found myself responding. This was no dream. I was conversing with Bird's Eye Taylor in the mission kitchen and Margaret was dead. I wanted to run upstairs and crawl in bed and pull the covers up over my head and will this all away. Again, I was moving and responding as if I were mechanical, powered by something or someone other than myself.

"I should get something ready for breakfast. Did you stay up all night?"

"Yes'm. Don't worry about fixin' nothing. I kin scrape together somethin for maself and ye. Been doin it for a long time now an can keep on doin it jest the same."

"Oh. Have you seen Dr. MacNeill?"

"He left nigh on two hours afore ye came down."

"Where's Ruby Mae?"

"Miz Henderson sent her to the Coburns' when Margaret took sick."

"Oh. That's good. I should go get her sometime. She was fond of Margaret." Tears choked my throat.

"It's best to gather some more wimmin folk for the layin out."

"The laying out." Images of Opal's baby flashed in my head. There was no way I could prepare Margaret's body myself. Maybe I should visit Fairlight. She'd know what to do.

"When it's light enough, I will go and get Ruby Mae and then I'll go and get Fairlight."

"Shore. Mibbe Jeb has some planks. Ask him when you git thar."

"Planks?"

"For the coffin. I'll piece it tagithir, supposin Doc don't wanna do hit hisself."

"I see." I shifted further into the kitchen to warm the pot of coffee from last night.

"No need ta warm hit. Hit be fresh."

I poured myself a mug with milk and a bit of sugar and took a sip. I was almost expecting to get a taste of moonshine but there was none. It was a lot stronger than I was used to and I was grateful for that. Bird's Eye left abruptly, probably to do whatever else needed done. I sat looking out the window at the sun peaking between the clouds. It looked like it would rain again sometime today. It seemed fitting.

I went upstairs and changed my rumpled clothes. I went to Miss Alice's room and knocked lightly on the door. She didn't answer, so I called out, telling her where I would be going.

I walked first to the Coburn cabin to get Ruby Mae. The woods around me were hushed and still. I stopped and let the peace of Nature envelope me. It was enough to help me carry on.

Just as I came within calling distance of the Coburn cabin, a redheaded figure bounded down off the front porch, running towards me.

"Oh Miz Christy! I thought ye weren't never coming back!" Ruby Mae all but tackled me to the ground.

"I'm back, but that's not why I'm here. Miss Margaret died earlier this morning."

Ruby Mae's hand clamped over her mouth and tears filled her eyes. "That's so sad. I really liked her. She never got upset when I talked too much. She was my best friend, waal besides Bessie an you, Miz Christy." She sniffed dramatically. She continued to talk, but I don't think I really heard anything else.

"Ruby Mae, would you get your things. I want to walk over to the Spencers' before we go back. Will you come with me?"

"Shore thing." I followed Ruby Mae to the cabin to thank Kyle and Letty. Kyle offered to build the coffin and looked a little distrustful when I mentioned that Bird's Eye had offered to do it.

"Now don't you mission folk be atrustin that man too much. Folks don't change overnight, nohow."

I nodded politely. "Of course, Mr. Coburn. Thank you again for letting Ruby Mae stay with you." I guided Ruby Mae out the door and we set off in the direction of the Spencer cabin.

Ruby Mae prattled on about all the things that happened while I was away. It was her way of keeping grief away and for once I didn't mind her chatter. The cadence of her voice drove away some of my grief too.

We soon rounded a corner on the trail that led to Fairlight and Jeb's cabin. I could see a figure standing in the yard waiting. I knew it was Fairlight. I picked up the pace and nearly left Ruby Mae far behind. Fairlight was moving toward me too. She soon met me halfway and encircled me in her arms. I laid my head down on her shoulder. I felt some of the tension that encamped itself on my shoulders slip away. I didn't have to say anything. Fairlight understood.

"I knew her time had come. Jeb's hounds' were yelping an howlin somethin fierce early this mornin'. And you came back, like I knew you would."

"If you knew it would be like this, you could have warned me." I said pulling from the embrace, wiping the few tears from my cheeks with the back of my hand.

"I didn't. Even if it hadn't been for Margaret, ye'd still have come back."

"Yes. I had to find out the hard way, I was meant to be here."

"Come on now, come inside. I'll send a basket of food along with you." Ruby Mae and I followed Fairlight into the cabin.

I was greeted with squeals and hugs from the younger Spencer children. Despite my sadness, I couldn't help but smile at Least'un and Lulu.

"Now you take this basket. I imagine no one feels like eating but ye's gots to. I'll stay up a couple of day ta holp. Ye and Ruby Mae kin head back. I'll go get Opal and Mary. We'll take care of things fer Miz Alice. Don't ye worry."

I took the basket. "Is Jeb around?"

"He and John went out to check on some traps. They'll be back directly."

"Oh. Bird's Eye wanted to know if Jeb had some planks for the coffin."

"I thinks we gots a few. Probably have ta borrow the mission wagon though." Fairlight's reaction to Bird's Eye's presence at the mission differed greatly from Kyle Coburn's.

"Fairlight, you're going to have to tell me how exactly Bird's Eye came to work at the mission."

"In due time, Christy."

Ruby Mae and I made our way back to the mission. Some of the numbness that I had felt earlier this morning was loosening itself. While still upset over Margaret's death, at least I could take comfort in the fact that she had made peace with those she hurt. Her heart was suffering no more. Perhaps, her last hallucination wasn't one after all but an embodiment of the peace and love she had so long sought and now had found.

I sat the basket down on the dining room table when we were inside. I made a mental list of what needed done and who needed to do it. I took Ruby Mae by the shoulders.

"Ruby Mae, you're in charge of the kitchen. By that, I mean, you are to take care of any food that is brought to the mission and make sure that it is served to anyone who happens to be here helping us out. If any one offers to do the cooking, always accept. Don't turn them down, please."

Ruby Mae beamed at such a grown-up task. "Shore thing, Miz Christy. Guess you don't want nobody to get skeered off by my possum."

"Well I'm sure that everybody's going to be bringing something, so you really don't have to cook. Besides, it's only polite to accept someone's gesture of kindness. Meanwhile, unpack the basket and make up a plate for Miss Alice. I'll take it to her in a couple of minutes. I'm going to find Bird's Eye."

I went to the stables, where I heard the sound of tools. Bird's Eye was sanding a plank smooth. He stopped as soon as he noticed me standing there.

"Fairlight said Jeb had some planks but you'd probably need the wagon to get them. Jeb and John were out checking traps and should be back by now."

"Thank ye. I'll hitch up the wagon."

"By the way, did you happen to see John, the old man that was upstairs last night? Did he leave?"

"Saw him last night, but not this mornin. Must have slipped out without me seeing. Been seeing him round, though. Odd feller. Ye know him?"

"No, not really. I've talked with him some." Hmm, this John was a mysterious fellow but at least Bird's Eye had seen him. At least I wasn't seeing things. I left Bird's Eye to do what he needed and went to bring Miss Alice some food.

When I opened her door, I found her reading her Bible. "I know you probably don't want to eat, but you must try." I set the plate down on her night stand.

"Christy, thank thee for taking care of matters for me."

"You're welcome. Fairlight, Opal and Mary should be over soon to help..."

"Prepare Margaret. I shall help them"

"You don't have to."

"I would like to. Though I am sad at losing my daughter, I am happy she found the love of God in the end. And I am also thankful that I have another daughter in thee who is also finding how strong God's love really is."

"Thank you. That reminds me. I want to give you something." I went back to my room and found the journal Margaret had given me. I returned to Miss Alice's room and handed it to her. "Margaret gave this to me. She wanted me to read it and then publish it. She thought her journey might be useful to someone else. Would you like to read it first?"

Miss Alice was already leafing through the pages. "I would like that very much. Thank thee."

A/N: Sorry if this chapter seems mundane but honestly the tv show showed no funerals and I'd like to show you things portrayed in the book here. Again, I will update as soon as earthly possible. We will soon get Neil and Christy back together but they still have some issues to work out before it's final. Love perseveres, remember that.


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: Christy belongs to the Marshall-LeSourd family. I have borrowed the characters for my own amusement and seek no profit for this work, only for entertainment of myself and others.

Chapter 25

Fairlight arrived sometime later with the promised help. I helped them for a bit. While selecting a dress for Margaret, I was overcome by a sense of claustrophobia. I had to get out. I hurriedly excused myself and went outside. The men were working inside the stables. I could hear the saw and nails being driven into the wood. I shuddered.

Grief is an odd thing. One minute you think you can handle it and in the next it swells around you like a wave. I walked to ease my mind. I had to get away from the sound of the nails being driven into the pine planks.

I walked past the schoolhouse with my somersaulting heart when the equally indecisive weather made up its mind. The gray clouds that were encroaching the sun at dawn had finally taken over and decided to rain. I pulled my shawl over my head to keep the rain off. Knowing I should head back before I got drenched, I kept walking in the opposite direction. I hadn't realized it at first but my feet had carried me within several hundred yards of the cemetery. I heard a new sound now. It was the sound of a shovel, digging. I flinched as the steel of the shovel clinked against a rock, followed by the thud of damp dirt hitting the ground.

As I drew nearer, the rain intensified but the shoveling continued. I wondered who would keep digging in this weather. I crested the top of the hill and saw that it was Neil. He kept working, oblivious to the cold rain. I was worried.

"Neil, stop and come back to the mission with me."

"Go away Christy. Leave me alone, I've got work to do."

"You shouldn't be out in the rain. Not after being up all night."

"You shouldn't either." He paused a minute to wipe his hair out of his eyes and resumed his work.

"A doctor is far harder to replace than a teacher."

"That's what you think."

"Please Neil. This can wait until it stops raining."

"No. I want to finish it now. She deserves as much from me."

"I don't think she'd want you getting sick."

"And what do you know about what Margaret would or wouldn't want?"

"She was my friend and I know she cared about you enough not to want you to get sick." The rain was filling the hole that Neil had dug. He continued on, ignoring the pool of muddy water forming around his feet.

"Please stop."

"Fine." He tossed the shovel out of the hole and lifted himself out. He was smeared with mud. Neil started to stalk away from me. I followed after him.

"I suppose now that Margaret is dead, you'll be leaving." He flung angrily over his shoulder at me a short while later.

"No, I won't. I'm staying."

"Well, lucky us." The twang of his sarcasm stung me. I quickened my steps until I drew even with his stocky figure and stopped in front of him to face him.

"I wouldn't have left in the first place if it wasn't for you. I thought I was making a fool of myself. The way you treated me at Thanksgiving told me so. Letting me go to pursue someone else? What was I supposed to think? The way you looked at Margaret that day told me how foolish I was. You still loved her. I couldn't stay."

"I wasn't in love with Margaret. I'm not sure if I ever really was all those years ago. I did respect her."

"You could have told me that."

"I thought you were interested in Billy Long, the way you were talking about him."

"How could you think that? He is a fascinating person and I thought he had something to add to my school. I was hurt by what you did. You could have explained it to me. You didn't have to be so dismissive about it. We used to talk to each other. We used to be friends, once."

"And how could I have done that with Dr. Ferrand breathing down everyone's neck?"

"You would have found a way."

"Oh and so my actions could get you dismissed from your job. That's nearly happened already. Why tempt fate?" He stepped around me and continued walking.

"Neil, why are you acting like this?" I called after him. He stopped and turned around.

"Just leave it be, Christy. And me. If you know what's good for you, you'll go back to Asheville and forget about me." He strode off.

"I can't do that. I don't understand what you want from me. You're upset that I left in the first place and now you want me to leave again. What do you want?" I shouted after his retreating figure. He paused for a second as if contemplating an answer and proceeded on.

I lingered for a few minutes, trying to keep my anger down. Eventually, I made my way back to the mission house, soaked to the skin. I hurried upstairs, not caring who saw me in such a state, and slammed the door to my room shut. I flung off my wet things and put on dry clothes. I was about to get in bed and pull the covers over my head, when I heard a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" I asked sourly.

"Fairlight. I brung ye some food and a hot cup of some of that herbal tea Mary brung with her."

I got up and opened the door. She entered with a tray of food and pot of tea. She set the tray down gingerly on my empty desk and shut the door quietly behind her. She took a quick look at my face.

"I figgered as much."

"Figured what?"

"Ye and Doc had words."

I bit my tongue to keep back my initial bitter words. "I can't understand him. He's upset that I left and he's angry that I won't leave now that Margaret's gone."

Fairlight poured a cup of tea and handed it to me. "Waal, men folk think that wimmin are confusing. It be the men folk who really are confusing. Don't worry so much about hit now."

"You know me, Fairlight. I can't let it go." I sat down on the bed and sipped at the tea.

"I do and ye both are gonna get hurt more ifin ye don't let things go right now. Ye're both dealing with Margaret's death. Ye're both bound to say somethin that's best left unsaid."

I sighed. Fairlight was right. We'd both go round and round and never solve anything, just get angrier at one another. "Do you have any idea why he's acting this way? I thought that he was still in love with Margaret at Thanksgiving, but he said that wasn't the case."

Fairlight sat down on the bed beside me, smoothing out her dress. "I reckin he thinks that ye'll end up like Margaret."

"I'm not like her at all." Fairlight raised her eyebrows. "I suppose I did act a little like her when I left."

Fairlight nodded. "I think thar might be more to it too. Ye see, Neil MacNeill has lost nearly every kin he had. He only has Aunt Hattie left. I think he's afraid of losing any more.

"Oh." I hadn't thought of his actions as a result of all his losses. "You mean he's afraid to start something to lose it in the end."

"Waal, mayhap. I cain't speak fer him but like I said afore, just let it be for now. Try being friends fer now. Drink up some of that tea and eat some of these biscuits. Go ahead and rest. We've got everything taken care of." She rose to leave.

"Fairlight, who'll perform the services."

"I'll have someone try an track down where Dr. Ferrand is. Ifin we's cain't find him, I guess we'll find that circuit preacher from over Lyleton way. Don't worry so much." With that she left.

I sat drinking the tea and picking at the food Fairlight had brought. I finished the tea and yawned. I wasn't sure what herbs besides peppermint were in Mary's tea, but something made me delightfully sleepy. Groggily, I pulled the quilts up over me and settled down to sleep at last.

A/N: Don't worry about Christy and Neil. They will get back to each other soon. Working on the next chapter and will have it ASAEP.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

The day of Margaret's funeral dawned bleak and cold. I couldn't help but think the weather was perfectly suited for such an event as I rummaged through my wardrobe full of rumpled clothing. My clothes had stayed half-unpacked in my bags since the night I got back. The two days had taken a toll on them that not even hanging could release. Whatever I chose was going to have to be pressed.

I first selected one dress only to reject it a moment later. Mother would be horrified that I had no proper mourning clothing. I had only worn a black dress twice in my life, both when I was very young. The only thing I could remember was the funny sounds the stiff taffeta made as I walked. I had no idea what was appropriate for Cutter Gap.

"Ruby Mae? Are you busy?" I called out from my doorway. Her face peeked around the corner from her room.

"No, ma'am. What do ye need?"

"I have no idea what to wear. Will you help me?"

"Thars plenty of time afore the sarvice." Ruby Mae's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"I know that but I'll have to press whatever I wear."

"I'm pretty good with the iron, ye want me ta do it fer ye?"

Images of scorch marks on my clothing flashed before my eyes. "No, I can do it. Thank you Ruby Mae."

Ruby Mae meandered out of her room and into mine. She couldn't resist the opportunity to look at and touch my clothing. Her eyes rested on the two evening gowns hanging side by side.

"Oh, Miz Christy. Those are the purtiest things I ever laid eyes on. Ye've got such purty clothes." He fingers reached out to caress the satin and chiffon of the dresses.

I felt ashamed of the two fine dresses hanging there. I couldn't wear such fine things like those around here. "I packed them by accident. I don't think they are suitable for a funeral, Ruby Mae."

"Waal, we mostly wear the best clothes we's gots and those look like they's yer best clothes."

"You mean no one wears black?"

"I suppose, ifin it's the best ye got. Purty much anythin dark will do." Ruby Mae pulled out the new suit Mother had gotten. "This'll do."

"Thank you for your help. Can you put the irons on?"

"Shore thing." She paused at the door. "What do you aim on doin with those fancy dresses?"

"I should probably send them back to Asheville. I can't do anything with them here."

"I was thinkin it'd be nice ta have one of them fancy dress up parties."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea but it might have to wait awhile."

Ruby Mae nodded eagerly and went downstairs leaving me alone. I hoped I could get my ironing done before the mission filled up with visitors. People had dropped by ever since Margaret's death bringing some sort of food or offering comfort to Miss Alice, occasionally offering to do whatever work was needed. Today, many of the visitors would be visiting the body before the service for what was called a viewing. Funerals were typically held from homes here and not in churches. I had found it disturbing at first, being used to funeral parlors handling such tasks.

I gathered up the wrinkled gray mass hanging in the closet and went downstairs. In the kitchen I found the ironing board and set it up. I checked the irons that Ruby Mae had set on top of the stove. They weren't quite warm enough yet so I busied myself organizing the jams and jellies that had been brought to the mission. I marveled at how a group of people barely scraping by could find it in their hearts to give so freely. The rest of the world could learn a lot from the folks in in the Cove.

From the kitchen I could see Ruby Mae sweeping the floor of the dining room and the parlor. She had her back to the front door, which I found odd but assumed she did this out of superstition. I would have to ask her later. I turned to get my first iron, leaving the other to stay warm until I needed it.

I had just picked it when the front door opened, startling poor Ruby Mae.

"Lordamercy!" She dropped the broom with a bang. The iron in my hand slipped from its wrap and without thinking I tried to catch it in my bare hand. My palm contacted with its hot flat surface for a brief second. I yelped loudly in pain, letting the iron crash to the floor.

"For pity's sake, Ruby Mae. What were you doing with your back to the door?" Even with my eyes scrunched shut, I could tell it was Neil who had scared Ruby Mae.

"Because. You shouldn't go sneaking up behind a person onyways." I opened my eyes to see her picking up the broom, trying to act like she hadn't been scared out of her mind. Neil was moving swiftly through the dining room to the kitchen. I let go of my injured hand and immediately bent to pick up the iron. To my dismay, I saw the iron had left a faint scorch mark on the floor.

"Is everything all right out here?"

"Fine. Everything's fine. I just dropped the iron on the floor when Ruby Mae screamed." I swapped the irons and moved to the ironing board, trying to hide the pain all the while. I tried to smooth the skirt out with my burnt left hand and winced in pain.

"No it's not. You've burnt your hand. Let me see it."

"I'm fine, really. It's nothing." I tried not to sound so defensive but it didn't work. I attempted once more to iron the skirt, but found every move my fingers made hurt immensely.

"Christy, please, you're hurt, let me look at it." I looked up into his eyes. In them, I saw remorse for his actions of the previous day. I nodded my agreement meekly.

"Sit down." I sat in a nearby chair as Neil leaned down to look at the injured hand curled in my lap. He picked it up ever so gently. As Neil examined it, I worked up enough courage to look at the severity of my own injury. The skin was a vivid red color and I could see a few small blisters forming. I suppose it could have been far worse.

Neil let go of my hand and went to get a clean cloth. He soaked the cloth with cool water and handed it to me. "Here, put this over the burn. I have an ointment that will help. I'll go get it."

I draped the damp cloth lightly over my hand and waited. Neil returned carrying a small tin and some fresh bandages. He took up my hand again and applied the ointment as gently as possible. I still winced in pain at the initial application but found the balm was very soothing.

"What's in the balm?" I asked softly, lifting my gaze to meet Neil's.

"It's called Balm of Gilead, made from a tree resin. Does it feel better?"

"Oh yes. Thank you." In my mind, the strains of a song were called up. _There is a balm in Gilead, to soothe the wounded soul._ I recalled it being sung when Miss Alice and I were in Freedom, Kentucky. Without thinking, I stuck out my uninjured hand toward Neil. "Friends?"

Neil turned back to me with a puzzled expression. No matter what had come between us, I wasn't giving up. I smiled up at him determinedly. A faint smile crossed his lips as he took my hand in his and shook it to seal our truce.

"Friends." As he said those words, I thought I could see some of the pain that lingered there in his eyes leave. "Now why don't you let Ruby Mae take care of your ironing. You really shouldn't do anything with that hand for the next couple of days. Apply the balm at least two times a day, three would be better, and cover lightly with a bandage during the day. Leave it uncovered at night." He had taken on his best doctor tone again and handed me the tin.

"Are you sure?"

He scowled at me. "Of course I'm sure. I am a doctor, aren't I?"

"Oh, I didn't mean that part. I meant about Ruby Mae, ironing."

For the first time in nearly a month, I heard Neil chuckle lightly. He scuffed at the scorch mark on the floor with his boot. "You can keep an eye on her but she can't do any worse than you. Dropping a hot iron is a good way to start a fire, Miss Huddleston."

I got a feeling that Neil and I would be alright, eventually.

By the time of the service, I was surprised at how many people had crammed into the mission parlor before the pine coffin. I knew for a fact that Margaret didn't know many people here in Cutter Gap and most just knew here as the Doc's wife and nothing more. I assumed that many had shown up to pay respect to two deeply respected residents of the Cove. True to Ruby Mae's words, most of the crowd was clothed in their best and darkest, but not necessary black, clothes.

I found some standing room beside Fairlight and Jeb. There were some families still arriving, so a small stream of people were still entering from the front door, passing by the open coffin and pausing to touch the body. I was taken aback by this custom. Fairlight must have sensed my shock because she leaned closer to my ear.

"They's doin that so's not to see her in their dreams."

"Does it work?"

"Suppose so."

We waited several minutes more. Since we could find no one to perform the services, Miss Alice said she would do it herself in the Quaker tradition. I was not sure what she meant by that and was concerned that such a task would prove to be too emotional for her to complete. I really wished that the circuit preacher could be found but apparently he had run off with a girl to get married last week. I even wished that Dr. Ferrand was here to help.

The room fell silent as Miss Alice descended the stairs. She was dressed in her ordinary clothes; a dark skirt with a spotless white shirtwaist. Neil waited for her at the bottom of the step and they linked arms and walked to the coffin. Neil left go of his former mother-in-law's arm to touch his former wife's still body. He slipped silently into the crowd, leaving Miss Alice with her daughter.

She bent down slightly to touch her daughter's face and stayed still like that for a few moments. I could see tears glistening on her cheeks. Finally, she moved away from the coffin to stand in front of the crowd.

"Since we are without a preacher, I have felt that having a Quaker ceremony would be more fitting for our purpose. In my family, for many years, this is how we have said good-bye to our loved ones. No one need say anything unless the Spirit so moves thee to do so."

With that, Miss Alice stepped in the group. I was a bit bewildered. What if no one said anything? The silence felt stifling. _No one need say anything unless the Spirit moves thee to do so._ I let my mind go empty and still like I often would before I prayed. I waited.

"A soul is meant to love," Miss Alice's voice broke the silence. "a soul that does not love does not truly live. In the last months of my daughter's life, she truly lived at last. I am so glad God granted her the chance and the will to live in love and love in return." Her voice broke abruptly with tears. The rest of us remained sympathetically silent.

Another voice broke the silence moments later. "I got to know her for her true self just before the end. She was a beautiful soul." Neil had spoken.

Silence again. When it was broken again, I was startled to find it was my own voice that broke it. "She found the love she searched her whole life for; here where she left it all those years ago." Tears were streaming down my cheeks.

After another few minutes of quiet, the pallbearers, including Neil, nailed the coffin shut and carried it to the open grave. I shivered with each strike of the nail. They carried the coffin shoulder-high to the cemetery with Miss Alice and Neil following behind. As the coffin was lowered into the grave, a patch of sunlight pierced the gray clouds above.

"She's with the Lord now, resting easy." Fairlight whispered to me.

"How do you know?" I whispered back, astounded.

"The sun be shinin, now." Though I knew it was just superstition, I did find it oddly comforting.

As the grave was being covered over, most of the crowd had slipped away. At first, I shuddered at the sound of the wet clods of dirt hitting the coffin but that song I heard in my memory earlier revived itself. _There is a balm in Gilead, to soothe the wounded soul. _Love was the balm that would heal us all. I knew Miss Alice's words were true, a soul that loves also lives.

A/N: Sorry, that was a lot sadder than I planned it to be. I came across the whole balm of Gilead reference from research. I wanted to see what types of things would have been used to treat burns and came across that ( I didn't think they would have had aloe plants in Cutter Gap). It fit perfectly into the story. There is a Balm in Gilead is an African-American spiritual dating to before the 1850's, I however didn't get the lyrics quite the same but it still works. I am working on Margaret's story. I'll post info when I publish it on my profile page.


	27. Chapter 27

Christy belongs to the Marshall-LeSourd family. I have borrowed the characters for my own amusement and seek no profit for this work, only for entertainment of myself and others.

Chapter 27

A gauzy veil of mourning descended upon the mission house. I missed Margaret; hearing her and Ruby Mae laughing over a story, listening to her pick out tune on the piano. Everyone moved about with a quiet thoughtfulness, even Ruby Mae. Miss Alice made the decision to keep school closed for another week, which I agreed with at first.

By the end of the week I was restless. The weather had gotten colder and the drizzle froze to the trees. I longed to busy, teaching my students, but settled for a walk in the frozen beauty. I stared at the ice-glazed trees and shrubs and even though the day was quite gray and dreary, everything sparkled dimly. The occasional breeze made a tinkling sound like fairy chimes.

I was so engulfed in the fairy world around me that I hadn't noticed how far I had walked until I heard the faint rush of the river and the ringing sound of an ax splitting wood. Of all the places I could walk, I found myself within several yards of the doctor's cabin. Perhaps, I could turn around before I was noticed.

I spun on my heel to beat a hasty retreat and failed miserably. The ice was thin on the trail and my boots broke through it easily, until that instant. I spun and fell, landing firmly on my backside with my palms striking the ice beside me. My still tender left hand seared with new pain and a strangled cry choked my throat. So much for turning back unnoticed.

"Hello? Is someone there?" I heard the ax thump into wood and movement in the icy brush coming toward me.

I got up quickly and nearly skidded again on the same patch of ice. "It's just me, Christy." I brushed myself off, hoping I wasn't a mess. I could see Neil making his way toward me, looking concerned.

"Is someone hurt?"

"No, everyone's fine. I was just out for a walk."

"And you had a wee bit of a spill, I see."

"No... I, uh." I could see the humor in his eyes. "How could you tell?" My face was hot.

"You've got that flustered look about you." He hesitated. "Would you like to come in, you're probably cold."

I nodded and followed his broad figure up the path to his cabin. Inside, he stirred up the fire and pulled his pipe down from the mantle. I watched him fill the pipe and light it as I settled myself by the fire. He ran his fingers through his hair, lost in thought. I turned my attention to the dancing flames when he didn't seem to be in a hurry to speak.

"How's your hand?" He emptied the pipe into the fire and place it back in its spot on the mantel, the sweet smell of tobacco still lingering in the air.

"It still hurts some, but it's fine."

"Can I see it?" His fingers touched mine so lightly but still I pulled away from it. Neil kept his hand near mine, pleading silently. I relented and placed my bandaged hand in his.

"It's looking very good, Miss Huddleston. You're taking excellent care of it." He raised his eyes to meet mine as he re-wrapped the bandage around my hand. My breath caught in my lungs and my heart skipped a beat. I couldn't decipher what emotion swirled in his blue eyes but I knew it was strong. I swallowed hard.

Gently, he cupped my chin in his free hand and brought his face level with mine. My eyelids fluttered shut as his lips met mine in a tender kiss. I felt myself give into the hidden passion in his lips and returned the kiss more forcefully than I thought I was capable of doing.

The heat of the kiss was broken by a rush of cold air filling the void Neil made as he abruptly stood and crossed the room. I sat in shock, following his movements with my eyes.

"I can't do this Christy."

"You can't do what?" I was confused.

"I can't love you. I just can't do it."

"Why not?" I ran my tongue over my lips.

"I don't deserve it. Everything I've ever loved has been taken away from me. I can't have it happen to you."

All of Neil's previous actions made sense now, locking together like pieces of a puzzle. Mother and Fairlight were right. He was afraid to let his heart love again. He was afraid of hurting. I didn't know what to say.

"I tried to stop loving you. Many times in fact. I tried to take a job in Baltimore back in November to get away from you. I was glad when Margaret told us you hadn't planned on coming back from Asheville. It was for the best but you came back. I'm not enough for you. I have nothing to give you, Christy. Nothing at all."

"That's not true. You have so much to give and not just to me. I've seen how hard you work here. You have plenty to give. You weren't happy at all that I left. I know you tried to see me before I left and I know you fought with Margaret about me before she got sick. I saw that you had my luggage tags and I saw how worn they were. You didn't want me gone." I paused, chewing my lip before I went on. "I didn't come back because of you. I came back because it felt _wrong_ to be anywhere else. I came back because of Zady Spencer, Vella Holt, Mountie and Becky O'Teale, everyone of my students, Miss Alice , Margaret, Fairlight, Opal, all of them. I came back because this is the place I love most of all. I am meant to be here."

I fell silent, waiting for him to challenge me, to tell me he wished I'd stayed away. His back remained turned and the cabin filled with the hissing and popping sounds from the burning logs in the fire place.

"I drove Margaret away and I did the same to you. I have hurt you already and I don't want to do it any more."

"Then don't pretend like I don't mean anything to you, because I clearly do." I sighed and moved toward the door. "What Miss Alice said at Margaret's funeral is true. A heart that does not love, does not live. When are you going to live, Neil MacNeill?" I slipped out the door without another word and made my way back to the mission house.

Miss Alice was waiting for me in the parlor when I returned from my walk. I found a polite smile to give her, even though I was far from a smiling mood. My mind was still back in Neil's cabin, thinking on how I could convince him that love was worth all the pain even when I wasn't certain it really was myself.

"I wanted to give thee Margaret's journal. She intended thee to read it, not I. I do believe she was right. It would do a world of good to have it published." She handed me the brown journal. I felt the same sort of uneasiness I had when Margaret asked me to publish it.

"I've never done anything like this before. I wouldn't know where to start or who to ask." I stared down at the journal.

Miss Alice clasped her hands over mine. "Read it first Christy. Thee will know what comes next."

I walked upstairs and sat down behind my desk. I flipped through the first few pages. They seemed to be bits of stories Ruby Mae had told Margaret. Somewhere in the middle, Margaret's own words took shape. I must have read straight through it non-stop for I lost track of time. The winter twilight made the room quite dim. With tears on my cheeks, I found my pen and made a simple inscription after Margaret's writing had stopped.

_Margaret Seebohn Henderson MacNeill found what she was looking for in the early morning of December 29, 1913._

_She will be missed by those who knew her but shall live forever in our hearts and minds._

_The niaeve, blue-eyed school teacher,_

_Christy R. Huddleston, January 6, 1914._

As I finished writing the inscription, I remembered one of Daddy's clients was in the publishing business. I would contact him to get this published but first, there was someone else who need to read this journal.

The next morning I traveled the path that lead to the river. The sun made a brave appearance in the winter world and yesterday's ice fell from the trees, making tinkling sounds as it went. The cabin I entered appeared to be vacant but I knew better. I knocked lightly on the laboratory door, not even bothering to try to open it for I knew it was locked from the inside. I placed the leather book beside the door frame.

"I'm leaving you something to read. I'd really like it if you read it, it might be helpful. I do want you to know that no matter what, I am your friend and always will be."

I went back to the mission before anyone knew I was gone.


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: Sorry it's been awhile. I've been working on this one a little bit at a time. There's actually a lot going on in this chapter. Hope you like it.

Chapter 28

Life resumed some sort of normalcy when school had started back up again. Even Ruby Mae began following me as close as a shadow again. She was everywhere I was, touching everything and generally being nosy. I often found her looking longingly at the evening gowns tucked in my wardrobe. Just as she was getting on my last nerve, I paused and took a deep breath. Since Margaret's death, I was the only one left at the mission who held any interest for Ruby Mae. She had enough sense to not pester Miss Alice and for that I was glad.

One afternoon, I heard her creep into my room and the door of the wardrobe creak on its hinges. I dropped by pen down on the desk in frustration; it was the third time that she had done that this week.

"Ruby Mae, for the hundredth time, please stay out of my wardrobe."

She whirled around, her eyes wide. "How'd ye know hit was me?"

"Who else goes through my clothes on a regular basis?"

"I was just looking to see ifin ye needed something ironed. Do ye?"

"No Ruby Mae, I don't. My hand's better now."

"I'm really sorry Miz Christy. Hit's just that I haven't seen onything so danged purty in all my days afore. Are you shore we'uns cain't have one of them fancy dress up jollifications?

"You mean a ball?"

"Not zactly. I was thinkin' one with masks and ye don't who's who."

"You mean a masquerade?" I could feel her enthusiasm catching, but tried to keep my face unreadable. It was high time for Ruby Mae to learn to think through an idea herself.

"Yeah, that be hit! A maskee-raid. Don't it jest sound romantic? I read about one in a book once." She sighed dramatically and I barely stifled a giggle. That was one of Ruby Mae's other bad habits, reading heady and dramatic romance novels. It was just as I feared; those stories were going straight to her head.

The idea of a masked party didn't sound like a bad idea. A lot of us could use a reason to celebrate. The mood in Cutter Gap had become as dour as the winter skies. Ideas swirled in my head and I forced myself to pause them. This was Ruby Mae's idea; let her think it through.

"So, who would be invited?"

"Everyone, I suppose. Cain't rightly imagine how ye'd not invite someone." I had forgotten that at many social occasions here in the Cove, everyone was considered invited.

"All right. Then how would people get costumes? They can be expensive and time consuming to make."

Ruby Mae's eyebrows knitted together, deep in thought. "Waal now, I suppose ye don't have ta wear a costume ifin ye don't want to. But thar's heaps of fancy dress stuff in the mission barrels that aren't touched during the days we have the barter store. Mebbe, we kin make masks an such at school. If it don't cause ye too much trouble."

I forced the corners of my lips down to keep from smiling. " I suppose I could spare some time from lessons to make masks. It will take some time to get costumes and masks together for this, so it can't happen next week, you know. You should really ask Miss Alice if we can have a party before you get ahead of yourself."

Ruby Mae beamed at me and dashed out the door and down the stairs. I pulled out the blue dress, thinking that it could be altered for Ruby Mae to wear. I put it back when I heard Ruby Mae's calls echoing through out the mission. I went to find her first before she found Miss Alice. I didn't want her pestering Miss Alice until she said yes.

As I reached the last step, I heard another familiar call.

"U-nited States mail!"

I flung my shawl around my shoulders and went out to meet Ben Pentland. Ruby Mae and Miss Alice followed from the kitchen. I could tell from the excitement that still burned in Ruby Mae's eyes that she had yet to ask Miss Alice her question. The exhilaration over the mail rivaled the joy of a party.

"What have you got for us today, Mr. Pentland?"

"Waal now, looks like I've gots a few letters for Miz Henderson. Here ye be ma'am." He handed her a fair sized stack of letters. "Oh, Miz Christy, This a here big crate on Bess' back is fer ye. Came all the way from Cali-for-aye-A. Don't that beat all."

He untied the substantial sized crate from his mule's back, while I racked my brain for who I knew in California. He sat the crate on the steps and I searched the post mark for the sending address.

"Here's a letter fer ye." I turned and snatched the dog-eared envelop from Mr. Pentland's hand. I scanned the return address.

"It's from Clarence and Ida Sweetwater from Orange Grove, California." David's sister. What was she sending us? I tore open the envelope, nearly tearing it in half in my haste. I scanned the letter briefly and stopped.

"Oranges and lemons. Mr. Pentland do you happen to have a pry-bar?"

"No ma'am, don't have none."

"Ruby Mae, could you see if Mr. Taylor is around yet and ask him to find one for us?" She took off in the direction of the stable, returning within a few minutes. I took the pry-bar from a bewildered looking Bird's Eye and plied it to the crate.

With a ear-tingling squeak the top came off to reveal the fruit tucked carefully inside.

"Waal now, that does beat all, shore an cartain." Ben Pentland rubbed his chin and grinned at the shiny globes of orange and yellow.

I took a quick glance at Bird's Eye's expression. He had taken a step back away from our small group and was eying the crate suspiciously. Ruby Mae had already picked up a lemon, turning it over and over in her hand.

"I ain't never seen such a purty shade of yellow, afore."

"Have never. It's have never, Ruby Mae." My correction went unnoticed.

Miss Alice didn't say anything, but I could see a smile spread slowly across her face. I picked up the letter that was balanced on the edge of the porch.

"Ida says that she wanted to send the fruit before Christmas but the crop wasn't ready just yet. She thought they would make good Christmas gifts for the children, but they will have to do as school rewards now. She wants us to tell her if they got here okay and she might be able to send us some more later on. It's her and Clarence's first crop." I skimmed over the more personal parts of the letter to find something else suitable for everyone to hear, which was probably the reason Ben Pentland was still here.

"Oh, Ida and Clarence are expecting their first child sometime in June."

"That's wonderful news." Miss Alice's smile had blossomed and some of the deep shadows on her face lightened. A little bit of joy goes a long way.

I turned back to the open crate and pushed aside the packing papers to count the fruit. There was at least one fruit per family represented in school, maybe two. And just enough lemons for a pitcher of lemonade, perhaps with enough for some lemon curd. I almost squealed with delight.

"What's all the excitement about?" The surprisingly cheerful voice nearly made me shout out.

"Howdy, Doc. Best be on my way." Mr. Pentland tipped his hat to the doctor.

"Will you take an orange? Ida intended for us to share." I held out the small orange to the devoted mailman.

"Thank ye kindly, Miz Christy." He took the orange and led his mule Bess off toward his next stop.

"So Ida sent oranges all the way from California?" Neil leaned over my shoulder slightly, peering into the crate. His closeness made my skin tingle. I felt pink stain my face.

"Mmmhhmm, and lemons too. I know it's the middle of winter but it's been so long since I had a glass of lemonade or some lemon curd on fresh biscuits."

"Eew, that sounds right awfully, Miz Christy." I looked up to see Ruby Mae wrinkling her freckled nose. "Thought lemons were only good fer making my spots disappear."

"They're good for a lot of things Ruby Mae. Mother's lemon curd is the best in the world. I'll have to call her and get the recipe. Lemon curd isn't as bad as it sounds."

"Are you sure that's safe?" I heard the smile in Neil's voice. As I turned to reply to this remark, I saw Bird's Eye shift and make his way back to the barn.

"Mr. Taylor, would you like an orange?" I picked up the orange globe an offered it to him. He eyed it hesitantly. I pulled my hand back slightly, gathering from his reaction that he had never seen an orange and had no idea of how one ate one.

"Let's share one." I stuck my ragged thumbnail into the stem end of the orange, puncturing the thick skin. I peeled the rest of the skin away and handed Bird's Eye the first segment and the second to Ruby Mae.

Bird's Eye watched as Ruby Mae ate her segment, then he ate his.

"Tastes like eating a drop of sunshine." Ruby Mae beamed widely and Bird's Eye was smiling broadly as well. I gave them each another segment. With a polite tip of his hat, Bird's Eye sundered off toward the barn to finish his work.

"Aren't you sharing with me, Miss Huddleston?" Again, I could hear the smile in Neil's voice, coming from over my shoulder.

I turned, smiling as brightly as I could, and handed him a piece of orange. "Why, of course I am, Dr. MacNeill." I helped myself to a small piece of orange.

"So what bring thee by, Neil?" Miss Alice asked, looking up from one of the letters in her hearty stack of mail.

"I came by to check on Christy's hand and to return an item to her. By the way, have you heard anything from Dan Scott yet? I didn't know if he would write to me or you to let us know when he was on his way back."

"As a matter of fact, Mr. Pentland has just delivered a letter from Dan and one from Dr. Ferrand. If thee'd be so kind as to carry in our crate of sunshine, I'll read my letters while thee tends to Miss Huddleston." Miss Alice turned to go inside.

"Miz Alice don't run off jest yit. I've got sumptin real important like ta ask ye." Ruby Mae abruptly slipped in front of the door.

Miss Alice's eye's widened in interest. "And what would that be, Ruby Mae?"

"Waal, I've been hankerin for a jollification; a real fancy one like ye read about in books called a maskee-raid. Miz Christy said we could make masks an sech in school an borrow some things from the mission barrels that nobody wants. Whatca think?"

Miss Alice was silent for a long minute. I should have told Ruby Mae to wait. It was still too soon.

A slow smile crept across Miss Alice's face. "It has been sometime since we have had anything to enjoy. I think it's a fine idea. We'll have to discuss the idea further soon. Right now, I need to read my letters." Ruby Mae stepped away from the door and rushed past Neil and me, down the steps.

"Miz Christy cain I go ..."

"... and tell Bessie about the party. Of course. Just don't be late for dinner." I called after her speeding figure.

"That girl is as vivacious as her hair color, I do believe. Now if thee shall excuse me while I read my correspondence." Miss Alice stepped inside.

"A masquerade, that should be very interesting. So how is your hand?"

"It's better, really. You didn't have to stop by just for that."

"I didn't. Can I see it?"

I took the orange peel out of my hand and laid it on the crate. I held out my hand. "See, it's fine."

Neil held my hand close to his face. I felt my heart beating a bit faster. I felt a bit nervous, wondering if he was going to kiss me like last time. My palm was getting a bit sweaty.

"It looks like it has healed very well. Try to keep the new skin moisturized and the scar won't be as noticeable." He dropped my hand.

I wasn't sure if I was relieved or disappointed that he hadn't kissed me this time. I heard a small sigh escape my own lips. I hoped Neil hadn't heard. "So what did you need to give me back?"

Neil didn't answer me right a way. He bent down to rifle through his saddlebags and pulled out a familiar looking leather volume.

"I wanted to give this back to you." He handed me Margaret's journal.

"Did you read it?"

"I did."

I waited for him to elaborate, but he didn't seem eager to reveal his thoughts or feelings about what Margaret wrote. I knew better than to press him for more.

He smiled then and stepped around me to pick up the crate of citrus. He lifted it gently in his strong arms and moved to go inside the mission house. Neil paused before he stepped over he threshold of the door. Balancing the crate under his arm, he turned back to me.

"To answer your question from a few days ago, the answer is yes. Yes, I intend to live." With that, he continued inside.

I stood looking after his broad back. I wasn't quite sure what he meant, but my heart swelled with new-found hope. Today, it felt like the sun was truly shining after a long absence. I smiled to myself as I walked into the mission house. I too, needed to finish reading my letter from Ida.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

"Good news, Miss Huddleston. Dan Scott will be returning next week and not alone. He is bringing Cecil, his wife."

"They got married! That's wonderful, Miss Alice. Do you think that she can assist me at the school?" I cast a side-long glance at Neil. He was smiling, but the look in his eyes didn't reflect happiness for the couple. Jealousy, perhaps? I wasn't sure.

"Perhaps. You'll have to ask her when they get here."

"Ahh, and what about Dr. Ferrand? When will he be coming back?" I didn't want to ask, but he would be bringing back another preacher sometime.

"He's had no luck as of yet. Apparently, foreign service appeals to most seminary students rather than 'home' missions. Dr. Ferrand is in Pennsylvania; he's going to visit several more seminaries before he returns. He is hopeful he will find someone."

_Find someone__** not**__ like David, I hope._ I shivered slightly, grateful that no one noticed. I wished that Dr. Ferrand found someone who was married or soon going to be. I couldn't handle another preacher in love with me.

"Miss Huddleston, what else has Ida to say in her letter?"

Miss Alice's voice shook me from my thoughts. "Oh, nothing else really. Just saying how different California is compared to Cutter Gap and Boston even. She says she misses the many shades of green and the cool air of the mountains. Apparently, it gets quite hot where they are."

"Does she speak of David?"

My throat went dry. I had ignored the parts of Ida's letter about David. I wasn't sure if I was ready to read about him. "Yes, she talks about him a little. She says he is doing fine."

I felt bad about lying to Miss Alice. I tried to keep my gaze level and not look at my feet, implying my guilt. From the corner of my eye, I could tell Neil didn't believe what I said. If Margaret were here, I could muster enough courage to read the rest of Ida's letter with her. But Margaret was gone and I would just have to tuck the letter away until I was ready.

"Those lemons are calling me. Do you think we have enough sugar to sweeten a pitcher of lemonade, Miss Alice?" I moved forward to the kitchen, covering my anxiety over the remainder of the letter.

"I believe we do. I would help thee, but I have received a lengthy missive from a cousin of mine in Delaware."

"Oh, that's fine I think I can manage."

"Do you mind if I help you?"

"Not at all, Dr. MacNeill, but only if you have time."

"I've got plenty of time."

He followed me into the kitchen. I rummaged through the drawers to find a juicer, hoping we had one. I pretended not to notice Neil's eyes following my every move. He didn't say anything.

I had searched every possible drawer in the kitchen and never found a juicer. Now what? I chewed on my lip, deep in thought.

"What's the matter Christy?"

"We don't have a juicer."

"Not a problem, we'll improvise." Neil searched through the drawers until he found a short-handled wooden spoon. He handed it to me, "It won't be the neatest, but it will work. Drape some of this cheesecloth over the pitcher to catch the seeds."

I grinned up at him. "You're such a genius. What would I ever do without you?"

"I wonder, sometimes."

We worked in silence for several minutes. Neil cut the lemons while I squashed as much juice as I could manage with the end of the spoon. He was right about it not being neat; I might have done better with the laundry wringer.

"Miss Huddleston, I'm going out to the barn to see if Mr. Taylor is around yet. It appears that one of my letters is for him." Miss Alice's sudden voice made me start, spraying myself with lemon juice.

I was about to acknowledge her statement, but she was out the side door before I could utter a word. "I wonder who would be writing to Bird's Eye? It wouldn't be the other moonshiners?"

"Not likely. They would more than likely find him rather than write a letter. I doubt many of his former cohorts could read, let alone write a letter. It must be someone else. You've got some lemon juice on your cheek."

Neil reached his hand up to my face and wiped the drop of juice away with his thumb. My heart raced with anticipation and my skin tingled from his touch. His hand lingered on my cheek, lightly, like a butterfly on a flower. I couldn't bring my eyes to meet his gaze. His hand dropped away quietly.

"Now what's really troubling you Christy?"

"Nothing." I was nearly breathless. "I don't know what you mean."

"Ida's letter. She said something about David, didn't she?"

"Yes." I went back to squishing more juice from the lemon in my hand.

"Well?"

"I didn't read what she said about him."

"Why not? It's not like you to side-step issues, Christy." Neil put the knife he had been using down and brought both hands up to rest on my shoulders.

I still couldn't meet his eyes. He was right; it wasn't like me at all. I swallowed hard and reached into my pocket for the folded letter. Neil lowered his hands as I unfolded the letter. I hesitated.

"It's just a letter. It can't do you any harm. Besides I'm right here, if you need me."

Finally, I raised my eyes to meet Neil's pale blue eyes. I had confided a lot in Neil, before I even knew I loved him. Perhaps sharing this letter with him would heal the wounded trust that lie between us. I need _someone's_ help to completely recover from David's actions. If I balked at Neil's help now, I might unintentionally rip our friendship apart and never find out if we were meant to be something more.

"Okay, I'll read it." I sighed and scanned the letter for the parts I skipped. I drew in a shaky breath and began to read the letter out loud.

"...I'm truly sorry for whatever David did to you, Christy. I really mean it. I never thought that he could do something so vile. I don't want to make excuses for him, but he's so rarely got to have his own way in anything. I'll bet you never guess that it was Mother's idea to send him to seminary in the first place. He was the youngest, after me, and so we were both bent to suit her wishes. When he came to Cutter Gap, he felt determined to have things his way for once. I wouldn't have guessed that he would take this determination to force your love for him. I suppose your rejection finally broke him. You were just one in a long string of perceived failures to him. He failed to see that he had done some good there in Cutter Gap. He should have seen that you were too young yet to make up your mind about love. Anyway, I don't want to make excuses for him. I know he's sorry. Someday, he'll be able to tell you himself in a letter. He is here in Orange Grove with us, making a new life for himself. You know, he seems truly happy for once..."

I exhaled deeply and folded the letter back up.

"That wasn't so bad."

I smiled up at Neil. "No, it wasn't. I do feel sorry for him. I guess I was lucky; I could choose my own path in life."

"So do you ever regret coming here to teach?"

"No. I don't regret anything. Well, I do regret one thing."

"And what's that?"

"Trying to leave because I was hurt. I should never have done that. What about you? Did you ever regret staying here?"

Neil was silent for a moment, focusing intently on the lemon in front of him on the table. "Many times. I'd regret thinking it as soon as I thought it. If I wasn't here, there would be no one to look after all of my friends and distant relations. There is one thing I seriously regret, nearly every minute."

"What's that?"

"I regret some of the truly awful things I've said and done to you." He looked up at me then and I thought I saw his eyes shimmering with tears. "You deserve better from me, from anyone."

I reached out and placed my hand on his arm. "I think deep down, I knew you never meant it, the things you said, the things you did. I just wouldn't let myself believe that buried truth."

Neil turn his attention back to the lemon, and I dropped my hand. "Sorry doesn't always fix the problem, Christy."

"Well, it is said by many that actions speak louder than words."

"Aye, and a picture speaks a thousand words."

"What do you picture, in your heart?"

He appeared thoughtful for several moments. I really hoped that he would share with me what he expected, dreamed of, for the future. For himself, for us. Just as he looked ready to speak, the side door opened with a slight bang. We both turned to see Miss Alice enter. Her face was mixture of emotions.

"This letter for Mr. Taylor is from Lundy." She thrust the letter at me, and I snatched it up. The look of shock and surprise spread to my face, too.

I unfolded the ragged looking paper and scanned the vaguely familiar handwriting. I felt my mouth drop open.

_Deer Pa,_

_ I am fine. Jest wanted ye ta know._

_ P.S. I found Ma._

_ Lundy_

"Where is he? Is he coming back?"

"Calm, Miss Huddleston. The fact that Lundy has written is father at all is news to be celebrated. Lundy will come back, if he wants to. It is his decision."

"How did Bird's Eye take the news?" Neil took the stained envelope and letter out of my hand as I spoke.

"He's understandably upset, though he won't say so. But I am certain I saw relief there in his eyes. And remorse." I saw hope glimmer in Miss Alice's eyes. She understood what Bird's Eye was going through. Bird's Eye's situation was not dissimilar to her and Margaret's estrangement.

"The letter's been posted from a town called Trust, in North Carolina. If my memory is correct, that's the town Molly's family was from when Bird's Eye met her." Neil's matter-of-fact voice cut through the excitement of the moment.

"Do you think we should write back to Lundy?"

"No, Miss Huddleston. Let Bird's Eye decide first. He needs some time to come to terms with the news." Still, hope radiated like a beacon from her eyes.

Hope, after all, does spring eternal.

A/N: Sorry it's been awhile. But I'm back to my stories. Enjoy!


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

I waited until I was sure everyone was out of the mission house, before I approached the telephone. Ruby Mae had sworn herself and Bessie to secrecy about the masked ball, but I wanted to be absolutely certain no one else overheard. I crossed my fingers, hoping that the surprise of the masked ball could be kept for just another couple of days. If my mother was unable to send us some supplies, well, we would have to delay the plan. I was trying my best to have Ruby Mae's dreams come true.

I picked up the telephone and waited for the operator to connect me to Asheville. I had taken the telephone for granted when I lived there; it only took a minute to connect to another home. The wait here took several minutes. Finally, my call connected.

"Hello, Mother. No, no, everything's fine. Yes, I know I only call if there's an emergency, but a letter would take too long. I have a favor to ask you. I'm planning on having a masked ball for my students. We'll need all kinds of things to make costumes and masks. Really? I'd never have thought of that. If Eloise has scraps from her store to donate, that would be excellent. And what about Smith's Millinery? Wonderful. Send it all as soon as you can. When am I planning on having the ball?"

I fell silent for a minute as I mentally mapped out the days. It was already the middle of January, and I had yet to plan with Fairlight about the dress for Ruby Mae. One week flipped by and another. My mind settled on a date.

"I really don't think we can be ready until the middle of February. I mean, we need to get the materials, and my students need to select a character from literature, so we need to read more stories together." My rushed words slowed to a stop. Was my mother giggling on the other end of the line? She most certainly was. Her statement was rather cryptic; I was to watch out for Cupid's arrow. I shook my head and sighed.

"Is Daddy there? Good. I have a favor to ask him too." I heard Mother call for him, followed by the muffled sounds of footsteps. "Daddy? Do you know any publishers? Wonderful. Margaret wanted me to publish her story and I'm not really sure how to go about it doing it. You think I really need a typewriter? Oh. Can I borrow one? Good, send it along with the things Mother is sending. Let me get something to write on." I grabbed a nearby scrap of paper and scribbled down the name and address of Malcolm MacDonald, an acquaintance of my father's. "Thanks, Daddy. I love you too. Let me say goodbye to Mother." I said my goodbyes and hung up the telephone.

Now, time to move on to my next plan; getting my old evening dress ready for Ruby Mae to wear. I went upstairs to get it. I stuffed it as neatly as possible into my valise and rushed downstairs. I grabbed a basket of jam and biscuits and some books, just in case Ruby Mae followed Bessie to the Spencers' cabin. This was one secret that Ruby Mae couldn't know about until the last minute.

I knew Fairlight was the best at sewing, so I would try her first. If she didn't have time, we could figure out who else might be able to accomplish the task.

I was about halfway there, when I heard the steady sound of hoof beats behind me. I ducked off the trail and into the scant brush for cover. Looking back the trail, I saw that it was Neil and Charlie. I sighed, wishing the brush was thicker. Charlie drew closer and I tried to stay as still as possible. The hoof beats stopped in front of my sorry hiding spot.

"Miss Huddleston, if you're trying to be invisible, it isn't working. I can see you perfectly well."

I crept out from my spot. "I, uh, was on my way to see Fairlight." Somehow, my truth sounded very lame.

Neil grinned down at me. "With your valise? Are you certain you're not running away again?"

I frowned. That was just mean. And well, if he was going to act like that, I didn't need to linger here any longer. "Good day, Dr. MacNeill." I let out a huff and turned away from him, walking at a brisk pace.

The hoof beats resumed. This was getting to be an all too familiar game between us. One of us walking away, and the other following after.

"I didn't mean it like that, Christy." I ignored him and kept walking. "I only meant that it is odd for you to be taking a bag meant for traveling to see Fairlight Spencer."

"I don't see how my bag is any of your business, Dr. MacNeill." I paused for the briefest of seconds and continued on. Behind me, Charlie whinnied softly as I heard his rider fling down the reigns and dismount. Footsteps replaced the hoof beats. A hand fell lightly on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry. That was a little low. Don't be angry with me. I was only curious."

I sighed deeply. "What do I have to do to keep a secret around here?"

"Oh a secret, is that it now?"

"Yes."

"Well then, I'm sorry that I intruded on your mission."

"You should be."

There was moment of awkward silence between us. "I was actually headed to the Spencers myself. Would you care for a ride?"

I felt a small smile pull at my lips, but I forced it away and lowered my eyelashes demurely. "No, I'd rather walk. Thank you, though."

Neil turned and clicked to Charlie who responded by ambling to his master's side. _Impressive. Is there nothing he can't do?_ I thought. "We'll walk with you then." Neil grabbed the dangling reigns and led Charlie along beside us.

We walked in silence, a comfortable one, for some distance. "It's a surprise for Ruby Mae."

"What is?" Neil sounded a bit distracted.

"What's in my valise."

"No wonder you're being so tight lipped about it, then. If it helps, I was just over at Kyle's place and both her and Bessie were thoroughly en-massed in discussions over the physical attributes of Rob Allen and Will Beck. I doubt much would distract them, for the time being. Typical teenage girl things, I suppose." Neil looked rather disturbed as he recalled that overheard discussion.

I found the idea of Neil overhearing their conversation quite funny. "And what do you know about the minds of teenage girls, Dr. MacNeill?"

"Nothing at all. I know even less about minds of grown women."

He had a point there. The rest of the way to the Spencer cabin we fell into an easy fluctuation between silence and talk. Whatever agitation I had felt for him earlier had dissipated, like warm breath into the chilly air. But that was the nature of us, I supposed; we were more changeable than the weather. All shadows and shade one minute, and sunlight and clear skies the next.

When we arrived at the cabin, we went our separate ways. He, to tend to John's stitches, and me to the loft of the cabin with Fairlight. As I walked into the fire lit cabin, I caught an odd glance from Zady's eyes as her gaze shifted from Neil to me. Maybe I didn't know as much about teenage girls as I thought I did. I shrugged it off and found Fairlight.

Pulling her to the farthest corner of her cabin, I whispered to her in conspiratorial tones. "Can you keep a secret?"

A sly smile formed on her gentle lips. "Rekin so." Though her children were entertained elsewhere by John's stitch removal and the promise of butterscotch, she motioned to the steps up to the loft. I followed close behind, carrying my valise and abandoning the token basket.

"Waal?" I don't think I've seen Fairlight so impatient before.

I opened the valise and pulled out the blue dress. Fairlight barely contained a surprised gasp. "We are planning a dress-up ball at the mission. It was Ruby Mae's idea; she's been longing for a fancy party after my evening gowns accidentally got packed on my way back here. I want to surprise her with this one. Obviously it won't fit her, unless it's altered. And it's a bit dated. Can you help?"

Fairlight's blue eyes sparkled as she pulled the dress into her lap. She looked it over with a critical eye. "I think hit can be done. I'll need her measurements. Wait, I'll come over to help with the laundry next Monday and 'borrow' one of her dresses to get the sizin' right."

"Oh, thank you so much Fairlight!" I hugged her to me. "Ruby Mae can't know about it. Will that be a problem?"

Fairlight was thoughtful for a minute. "Waal, she does tag along with Bessie over here 'cassionaly. I've got an idee. Opal's a fair hand at seamstressin'. Ruby Mae don't travel there often. Why don't we work on hit over thar? Now, what all do ye have in mind for this a here dress?"

"Fairlight, you're the best! It's been ages since I've seen Iris and Opal." I pulled a cutout from a magazine from my pocket and showed it to Fairlight. We talked over ideas for the dress and more general details of the masquerade in hushed tones for a couple of minutes. Finally, Fairlight pulled m up.

"If'in we want Opal to help us out, we'd best hie on over thar now."

"Don't you need to stay here?" I hadn't noticed if Jeb was here when I first arrived.

"Ain't nothin round here that Zady cain't manage. Now come on." She nearly pulled me down the steps.

To my surprise Neil was still downstairs, by the fire, telling stories to Clara, Lulu and Little Guy. He raised his eyebrows as Fairlight pulled her ragged sweater off the peg by the door. I hid the valise behind my skirt.

"And where are you two off to in such a hurry?"

I started to stammer some sort of answer, when Fairlight interrupted my attempt. "We're off to see Opal. Won't be gone long. Oh, if yer waitin on Jeb, he'll be back directly. John, Zady, mind the little ones. And thar's a sweet tater pie if onybody be cravin a piece." With that, we dashed out the door.

"You never cease to amaze me, Fairlight." We were nearly to the McHone cabin. I was all but breathless from our trek.

"Oh that, weren't nothing. Ye've got ta leave no room fer questions, else the secrets spilt. Not that Neil couldn't keep a secret, but I doubt Lulu can."

"I didn't let Neil in on the secret on the way over."

"Waal, no sense in startin now. 'Sides, he keeps to many secrets ta begin with."

"Really?"

Fairlight didn't elaborate any further.

By the time I returned to the mission just before dusk, I had accomplished so much that I felt like I was floating inches above the ground. Even Miss Alice's news of Dr. Ferrand's imminent arrival couldn't bring me back to the ground. I had a vague impression that Dr. Ferrand would not approve of a masquerade, nor the manner in which I sought donations for it. A little voice in the back of my mind told me not to worry, it would all work out.

I pulled out some of the more ludicrous fashions from the mission barrels; some had been passed over at least twice during the two barter store days we had. Of course, I could show the children how to change a simple sheet into a Roman, Greek or Biblical type costume. I found a tattered sheet in one of the barrels and draped it experimentally over myself. Finding the tie to a man's smoking jacket, I cinched it around my waist and scanned my reflection in the window.

"Miss Huddleston! What on Earth are you doing _now_?"

**A/N:** All apologies for taking so long to get this out to you. I have no real excuses, I just couldn't write. I had time and ideas, so it wasn't writer's block. So you didn't wait in vain; this is a fairly long chapter and I didn't cover half of what I wanted. So much for plans! And of course Neil shows up, so it can't be that bad. He always shows up now, even when I haven't planned for him. So let me know what you think. Especially those of you I haven't heard from in awhile. Which means pretty much all of you, since I haven't posted in like forever.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

I started at the sound. Turning slowly, I found myself staring at Dr. Ferrand. This was horrible and not to mention, rather embarrassing. I fumbled with the knotted rope belt around my waist and tugged the holey sheet off of my shoulder, while I formed my answer.

"I was just going through the mission barrels, looking for things that have been passed over several times for..." I felt my throat close on my words. I was totally unprepared for Dr. Ferrand's arrival. I was certain Miss Alice said he would be back late tomorrow or the following day.

"For what, Miss Huddleston?" His eyebrows arched expectantly over his eyes.

I took a deep breath and tried again. "For the masquerade that we have planned."

"Masquerade? We?"

"Yes. It's a party where attendants dress as a literary character or historical figure."

"I know very well what a masquerade is and what it entails. And we, who?"

"Myself and Miss Alice." I swallowed hard. Though his voice was low and even, I could hear the slightest edge of anger biting through.

"Alice agreed to this foolhardy idea? I can't believe that." He took a step closer to me and thrust an accusatory finger in my direction. "This is frivolous and completely unwarranted, but I expect nothing less from a privileged city girl like yourself. You need to be more like..."

I took a step forward and pointed my own accusatory finger at him. My own vehemence took me by surprise. "Dr. Ferrand, _I am_ like no one else. I am myself. And I might very well have been a pampered city girl, but I have seen both sides of life since I came here. I have seen suffering and heartbreak with my own eyes, felt it in my own heart. _I_ planned this idea, with the intention of easing some of that suffering, if only just for one evening." My voice shook; my tirade was losing steam. "I just wanted everyone to have a bit of fun for once."

Dr. Ferrand stood and looked at me for a long moment; his face was red and his chest puffed out. He was preparing to launch into another tirade, after I had interrupted his first. Was I destined to always be on the wrong foot with this man?

"Thee does recall what fun is, Jacob? Miss Huddleston was not alone in the planing of this either. Ruby Mae was the first to express the idea. Does thee recall how vivacious our Ruby Mae is? It doesn't really matter whose idea it was. What matters, is that it is true what Miss Huddleston said. We do need some fun around here and I see no harm in _pretending_ to be a fictional character or _interpreting_ a historical figure. There is no harm in pretending to be someone else for an evening for an event such as this. There _is_ harm when we try to do as such in our everyday selves. Miss Huddleston is in fact, herself and she cannot be anyone else but herself. And I love her for this simple fact. Thee cannot be anyone but thyself, Jacob. And I care for you because of that simple fact as well."

It was at times like this, when Miss Alice impressed me most. The fact that she took my words as inspiration was very gratifying. Even more gratifying was the fact that she had put Dr. Ferrand in his place. His shoulders slumped forward slightly and some of the arrogance in his expression had slipped. She did this all with a sure and steady voice. No yelling or screaming, just eloquently stated and thoughtful words.

Dr. Ferrand turned to face Miss Alice. "Forgive me, Alice. A man of my age should know better than to chastise youth so harshly. Miss Huddleston has always proven herself to me to be more than she seems. I forget that she is a grown woman; in my eyes she is still a girl. She doesn't need my guidance or criticisms."

"Even the wisest of adults needs guidance and criticism, Jacob. It is all in how we fulfill that need, that makes the difference."

"I'll go make us all a pot of tea. If you'll excuse me." I stepped into the kitchen so that they could have a private discussion. Their voices faded as I stepped into the kitchen and busied myself with starting a kettle of water to boil. I secretly wondered if Miss Alice was ever going to answer Dr. Ferrand's proposal. I didn't want to be nosy and ask her, nor did I want to overhear that particular conversation, but I couldn't help but be intrigued. I resisted the urge to tip-toe quietly into the next room and eavesdrop.

By the time I had the tea prepared, their discussion had turned to a lighthearted discussion. I was grateful.

"Good. You're just in time to hear about the new preacher I selected for service here. I do think you and Alice will find him a most fascinating man."

I sat the tea tray down on a nearby table with mock enthusiasm. I came to the conclusion that Dr. Ferrand would never be a close confidant, no matter how hard I tried to like him. I would still try hard to appreciate him, no matter what. I smiled and sat down. "I hope I do." I was just hoping this new preacher didn't take a romantic interest in me like David had. I couldn't do that again.

"I was on a train to Baltimore from Pennsylvania when I met him by chance. I had visited a few seminaries but had no luck in finding someone willing to serve our mission. I struck up a conversation with my seatmate and found out that he was a preacher. Not only that, but he was a native of North Carolina and knows of the great need here in the Appalachians. I found him most agreeable."

I swallowed a large mouthful of tea. I didn't want to be a pessimist, but if Dr. Ferrand found him agreeable, then it was highly likely the rest of us would not. I chided myself for judging people before I met them. "What did you say his name is, Dr. Ferrand?"

"Zebulon Harper. I would tell you all more about him, but he is a born storyteller and he has quite a story to tell. We parted ways in Asheville. He had come east to visit his family, on a sort of personal pilgrimage to the places that were instrumental in shaping him into the man he became."

"He does sound like a most interesting man indeed. When should we expect him?" Miss Alice rested her teacup gently on it saucer.

"He should be here in a few days time, by the end of next week certainly."

"Christy, Dr. Ferrand met Dan in El Pano. Perhaps thee would like to welcome them back tomorrow?"

"Oh, that sounds wonderful, Miss Alice. I was planning on visiting Aunt Hattie tomorrow too. I'll make up a welcome home basket for them. I should do that now." I excused myself and went back to the kitchen.

While I was packing some preserves into a basket, I glanced out into the moonlit yard. The barn and stables were still dark. Bird's Eye wasn't back yet. I was worried. He hadn't taken his son's letter very well, and now that Dr. Ferrand was here, I wasn't sure he would ever come back to the mission. I was surprised to find myself missing his presence. If I could miss Bird's Eye Taylor, then maybe there was hope for Dr. Ferrand.

(*)

The following morning dawned chilly and overcast. The break in the winter weather had ended. I dressed warmly to do the morning chores and went downstairs. As I stepped into the kitchen, Ruby Mae was feeding logs into the stove. There was a pot of coffee, already brewed, keeping warm on top. I thought I could smell biscuits.

"Good morning, Ruby Mae. You're up early."

"Mornin Miz Christy. Oh, I figgered I'd get up early and help out with some of the chores Mr. Taylor usually does, since he ain't here an all." She sounded sincere enough, but I had a feeling she was planning something. Or hiding something. Did she know about the dress? That would be impossible. I had taken every precaution I could to keep it secret.

"Well that is very nice of you, Ruby Mae. I'll just go and feed the chickens then."

"Already did."

"Well, I'll milk the cow."

"Gots all the milk the cow has in that thar pail." She pointed to the dry sink, where the pail sat. "I'll take it on out to the spring house after I make a go of sausage gravy. I'll start on that in a few more minutes. Them biscuits be about halfway to done."

"Is there anything else to do Ruby Mae?"

"Nope. Rekin I did it all afore you came down. I'm sure you have some papers to grade or some such."

"Well I do, but I was going to do that after I went to see Dan Scott and Aunt Hattie."

"I'll make sure I send some biscuits along for Mr. Scott."

"That's very nice of you Ruby Mae. I'm sure Dan and Cecile will appreciate that. They just got back to the Cove yesterday." Hopefully, those biscuits of Ruby Mae's were edible. Her cooking attempts had been improving, but biscuits were still her weak point. I couldn't blame her. Fairlight had taught me several times and I still couldn't master the art behind them.

I made my way back up to my room, but couldn't concentrate. I went through my supply of books, looking for one to read to Aunt Hattie. I selected a few, knowing she enjoyed being read to, and a few Jane Austen books would do nicely.

While eating breakfast, Ruby Mae appeared rather curious about the speed of my eating. As soon as my last forkful had entered my mouth, she swooped in and removed my plate to the kitchen. I stood and carried my fork to the kitchen and went to collect the basket I prepared last night. I hadn't even gotten through the door, when Ruby Mae thrust the basket into one hand and retrieved my fork from the other.

"Ruby Mae, are you trying to rush me off?"

"No. I'd never do somthin like that."

"Okay. Well then, I better go." I turned to go back out of the barely entered kitchen to get my coat and scarf.

"Miz Christy?"

"Yes Ruby Mae?"

"When are ye gonna tell the class about the maskeeraid?"

"Tomorrow and you're going to tell them. It was your idea, so it's only fair that you tell them."

She squealed delightedly and grasped me in a tight hug. "Thank ye, Miz Christy." She released me and dashed up the stairs.

I shook my head. I knew she was up to something but I couldn't figure out what. I just hoped that she wasn't trying to plan her costume in secret. Maybe I should try and find out what she was planning on going as. I didn't want to tell her about her dress, but I didn't want her working so hard on something she might not get a chance to wear.

The way up the ridge to Dan Scott's cabin was easy, so I walked, knowing that Aunt Hattie's cabin wasn't far off from his. I preferred walking over riding. I was able to take in the stark beauty of winter much better. Though the trees were nearly the same shade as the sky, I assumed that it would change in the next few days. The crispness that bit at my nose indicated snow. This time when it snowed, I was going to take my time and enjoy it. I hadn't the last time.

I kept my visit with Dan and Cecile brief. I felt like I was intruding somehow. They were welcoming enough, but I felt the need to give them time and space to adjust. Dan was hoping that in the spring he would be ready to apply to a medical school. Cecile, at first was reluctant to commit to helping at the school, but I think after a few days here in Cutter Gap, I might be able to convince her. I left the basket with the best wishes from the mission, promising that Ruby Mae's biscuits were in fact edible.

As I left the warmth of their cabin, I let excitement wash over me. There was so much _newness_ in the Cove, the exhilaration of it made me feel giddy. I had all but forgotten to hold on to joy these past few months. With the arrival of new faces and new plans, I was a child again, light and happy. Buoyant. I would have skipped my way to Aunt Hattie's cabin, but I knew I'd trip more times than would be decent. So I absently hummed a happy tune as I went.

Aunt Hattie's tiny cabin always sparked me with curiosity. It was the most tidy and orderly of all the cabins in Cutter Gap, but there was something more than that. It had an air of love and graciousness about it, a welcoming light shining from within. Her cabin seemed to contain the soul of Cutter Gap; the stuff that ran as an undercurrent to all the strife and difficulties present here. The love and the laughter that drives life forward, no matter what and come what may.

I felt guilty about not paying Aunt Hattie a visit sooner. I enjoyed my visits with her and she enjoyed my company too. I made a mental note to stop in and visit more often.

I heard her clear voice just as I reached the cabin. She often sang. Hearing her voice was exactly like stepping into a spot where the sun had been shining through a window for some time, warm and soothing.

"Aunt Hattie, it's Christy Huddleston." As custom in Cutter Gap, I always called out before approaching a cabin; it was no different with Aunt Hattie.

"Oh Christy, I knew you'd come today. Come inside, come inside."

I pushed the door open and the warmth, both from the fire in the hearth and from the hostess, rushed to meet me. "I'm sorry I haven't been to see you."

"It's forgiven child. You're here today and that's what matters. Come, take your coat off and sit by the fire. There's peppermint tea, if you'd like."

I hung my things on a hook by the door. Walking over to the fire, I warmed my chilly hands before seeking a mug for tea. I noticed Aunt Hattie was knitting. I couldn't help but marvel at her handiwork.

"How do you do it?"

"Do what, my dear?"

"Knitting."

She rested her project in her lap and smiled. "I've been knitting for so long, I could've done it with my eyes closed long afore my eyes went bad. Come here and close your eyes. Now touch the shawl. Feel how each stitch feels different under yer fingers?"

"I do."

"Waal, that's what guides me when I'm uncertain. Of course, there's still mistakes. Bound to happen to onybody."

"Still it amazes me that you can knit so well." I settled in a nearby chair with my mug of hot peppermint tea. "I brought some books with me today. Would you like me to read to you?"

"Lands yes. What did you bring?"

"I remembered how much you liked _Sense and Sensibility_, so I brought some more Jane Austen books. Let's try _Pride and Prejudice._ It's one of my very favorite books."

Quite some time later, I paused in our reading, thinking I heard something moving just on the other side of the door. I waited expecting someone to call out and enter the cabin. No one came in and Aunt Hattie seemed not to notice the slight noise. I continued on.

"_To __Mr. Darcy__ it was welcome intelligence - __Elizabeth__ had been at __Netherfield__ long enough. She attracted him more than he liked - and __Miss Bingley__ was uncivil to ____her__, and more teazing than usual to himself. He wisely resolved to be particularly careful that no __sign of admiration should ____now__ escape him, nothing that could elevate her with the hope of influencing his felicity; sensible that if such an idea had been suggested, his behaviour during the last day must have material weight in confirming or crushing it. Steady to his purpose, he scarcely spoke ten words to her through the whole of Saturday, and though they were at one time left by themselves for half an hour, he adhered most conscientiously to his book, and would not even look at her._" I was about to turn the page, when someone called out.

"It's Neil, Aunt Hattie. I've brought some firewood for you."

The cabin door swung open, sending cold air swirling in and curling around my ankles. I looked up to see Dr. MacNeill carrying in an armload of split wood. He didn't seem exactly surprised that I was there and nodded a brief hello. He stacked the wood carefully, focused on his task.

"Thank you, Neil. You didn't have to go through all the trouble of splitting it at your place and bringing it here."

"Ah, well, I didn't. It was part of my payment from the Becks. They had a lot of dead wood from some of the summer storms. I couldn't carry all of it for long on Charlie."

"Will you stay on for supper Neil? I was about to set some ham and potatoes to boil. Christy, would you like to stay too?"

"I would love to but I probably should get back to the mission. Thank you though." I closed my book and got up to return it to my bag.

"You don't have to interrupt your visit on my account. I'm sure Aunt Hattie wants to find out more out Elizabeth and Darcy."

I slipped the book into its place, turned and looked at Neil quizzically. "I didn't know you enjoyed Jane Austen?"

Neil looked at me a little sheepishly. "I wouldn't say I enjoyed her novels. I had to read them in one of my college literature courses."

"Really?" I looked at him. I wondered how he knew what I was reading. Was he making the noise that I had heard earlier?

"Yes really. Won't you stay?" Though he didn't say it, his eyes implied a sincere please. Aunt Hattie didn't say a word; she continued knitting, humming quietly.

I lingered by the door, debating. If I stayed, it would be dark before I got back to the mission and Dr. Ferrand would more than likely be furious. I wanted more than anything to stay. "I really should get back before dark. Dr. Ferrand arrived last night."

Neil smiled then. "I see. You ought to go back, then." He bent down to stir the fire.

"Christy, it was so nice of you to stop by. Before you go, could you help me with peelin them taters?"

"Of course."

"Neil, you be a good boy and help her. Fetch the ham and the pot."

I peeled and sliced the potatoes while Neil readied the ham. We worked silently, occasionally brushing past each other. At last, I put the final slices of potatoes into the pot. "I'm done. I'll make sure to stop in and see you soon." I bent down to lightly kiss aunt Hattie's cheek.

"That's good. I have a hankerin to finish our story. That Mr. Darcy sounds like someone familiar. Have a safe trip and tell Miss Alice hello for me."

"I will," I promised as I stepped to the door and gathered my things.

"Christy, I'll see you back to the mission if you'd like."

I pulled my coat on and wrapped my scarf loosely around my neck. "No, that's all right. Stay and visit with you aunt."

"Go with her, Neil. I'll be fine. Just come back tomorrow, if you've the time."

I wanted to argue, but held my tongue. I waited by the door as Neil said goodbye to his aunt.

Outside, the light was dimming, dying behind the thickening clouds. Dusk during winter was a magical time, even with the clouds. The ethereal glow encompassed the whole of the land.

"Will you ride with me?"

"It isn't that far to the mission. I can walk."

"If you insist." Neil pulled on Charlie's reins and followed behind me, up the trail toward the mission.

We walked in silence, not unlike the day or so before. "You seem worried, Christy. What is it?"

"Oh, nothing I suppose. Well, Dr. Ferrand is back and there's a new preacher coming in a few days." I heard Neil's footsteps stop for a second.

"Is that what you're worried about? That this new preacher might be like David?"

"I did wonder that he might be, but Dr. Ferrand said we would like him. I doubt that he would be like David. Did you hear Dan is back?"

"Aye, I heard. I visited them before I stopped by Aunt Hattie's."

I stopped and whirled around to face him. "That's how you knew I would be there. You were eavesdropping! I knew I heard something outside the cabin."

Neil flashed me a mischievous smile. "Perhaps." He tugged on Charlie's reins and walked forward, passing me.

I smiled after him. "Neil MacNeill, you are a puzzlement."

"And so are you, Christy Huddleston."

"So did you actually have to read Jane Austen in college or did you make that up?"

"No, I did my first year, before doing pre-med studies. I can't say I enjoyed the course overmuch. But I did enjoy hearing you reading the story."

I felt a tinge of a blush creep up on my cheeks. I was flattered. I hurried to catch up with Neil in the dull light.

"Was there anything else bothering you?"

"I'm worried about Bird's Eye. Have you seen him around? I concerned that he won't come back to the mission at all, now that Dr. Ferrand is back."

"If Bird's Eye Taylor doesn't want to be found, he won't be. He'll come back when he's ready."

"I just know he's taking Lundy's letter badly. At least he knows where his son is at, knows he's safe."

"There's that." Neil's voice turned solemn. "He's hurting that's for sure. A man's heart doesn't take well to being abandoned, especially twice over. He's forced to confront his demons alone, relive mistakes he cannot undo." His words trailed off into the rising night.

A few minutes later, we arrived at the front steps of the mission, warm lamplight stretching across the yard to greet us.

"Well, here you are. I best get going." Neil made ready to mount Charlie and return to his cabin.

Something in the tone of his voice made me reach out and touch him lightly on the arm. "Stay."

He regarded me, a deep look. "I will."

A/N: Thanks to those who are still reading this, even though I've been remiss in my updates. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate. Enjoy this special extra long gift from me to you. Here's to a great 2011.


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